Am I being a jerk?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1993

I’m really sorry to read your updates. After reading your OP, I wanted to share how I understood your feelings about the trip. My husband is from Nepal and his mother still lives there. She’s in bad health, so he’s gone back 3 times for a month at a time while I was left at home with 3 kids. Even though I approved of the trips and of course understood that he needed to go, it still hurt. One of the trips was at Christmas time. It was so hard having Christmas without him. I ended up in the hospital with a blood clot the day after Christmas. I had to leave my not even 2 yr old home alone with my 13 and 11 yr old. That was several years ago and I still have resentment. There’s no way I could handle my husband going on extravagant leisure trip without me, especially after knowing how bad the emergency trips made me feel. 

I was going to suggest that you say no to the trips, but things are obviously past that. I’m really impressed that you were able to take a good hard look at your marriage and see it for what it is. Good for you for recognizing that you want and deserve more. 31 is definitely not to old to achieve the family of your dreams. I had my youngest at 37 and I’m happy to say I’m not the oldest mom in her kindergarten class. 😅 You’ve got this!

Post # 62
Member
10879 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

annabananabee :  

Actually, it’s far worse than his Oedipus Complex–he’s experienced Oedipal triumph.  So damaging to a child.

 

Post # 63
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Shopgirlsoflo :  divorce him, find yourself a good counsellor and move on.  You will find a man who loves YOU and treats YOU like a queen.  This one is a lost cause – if he’s defending his mother to his last breath I’m afraid there’s no hope.  It’s not too late for you to find a new partner and have the kids you want – while he’s away on this trip with his mommy, move out (or better still, pack up his stuff, dump it on the lawn and change the locks – whose name is the house in?) and move on.

Post # 64
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Shopgirlsoflo :  

Mother-In-Law has some serious boundaries issues. She is so enmeshed with her son it’s sad. This will eventually drive a wedge between you guys to the point of divorce, it’s just a matter of time. I suggest asking this board for help these ladies are experts when it comes to this stuff —> community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

 

Post # 65
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You can start over. I left my ex at 34, got married to a much more wonderful man and am expecting our first baby now at 38. So being 31- you have time!

It sounds like you are making positive, healthy changes and this type of positive thinking and ability to want to change your situation will really help you.

You can do it! I wish you all the best!

(sorry if this font is huge- im not sure what happened.)

Post # 66
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee

lilyflowers :  Your font is huge because you have a huge message – a happy life begins when you take charge of your happiness!  Congratulations on your future baby 🙂

Post # 67
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

katebluestone :  thank you!

OP-hope it all works out for you. It will!

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