(Closed) Am I being an unreasonable hostess?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
  • poll: What should I do in regards to this shower?
    Deal with it - make 60 people work regardless of how much it costs : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Tell the mother to be that she can have her full list - but ladies only, not a couples shower : (15 votes)
    23 %
    Tell the mother to be to pick and choose to bring it down to a more manageable number : (47 votes)
    71 %
    Other, see below. : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Tell it to her straight-up: you can’t fit 60 people in your townhouse. Explain about the price factor with parks, etc. (and throw in a comment about the weather if you want), and let her know that if she REALLY wants to invite all 60 people, she needs to suggest an alternative, or offer up some dough. (It’s unusual to invite men & children to a baby shower, anyways, from what I understand…if she wants to meet these people on her own time, that’s fine, but 60 people at a baby shower just sounds like a gift grab!)

    Post # 4
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.  I think 60 is a really big number for a baby shower.  Especially if you are the only one hosting it, that is going to cost a ton of money.  And I think you’d have to have a pretty big house to even be able to accomodate 60 people.  Maybe someone else could throw her another one, coworkers or something to bring down the guest list.

    Post # 5
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell her that you simply cannot accommodate 60 people at your home.  Just because you offered to host her a shower doesn’t mean you offered to break the bank doing it.  As hostess, you’re really in charge of how many to invite and what goes on.  Just tell her you can’t accommodate 60 and that you can probably only have 30-35 people.  Then give her your two suggestions (all ladies or cutting the guest list down) and let her decide which she’d rather do.

    Post # 6
    7777 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I dont think it’s unreasonable at all. You cant fit 60 people, you cant afford another location. End of story. Just explain it to her, i’m sure she’ll understand.

    Post # 8
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Surely she’ll be up for compromise. This just sounds like the first steps in the planning and that she just threw out everyone she knows because she’s making up for not being from the town you’re in.

    I think you can flat out tell her to change it because of the space. I think that since you are at the beginning stages you can do it openly and not fear that it will seem confrontational.

    Post # 9
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Maybe what she’s hoping to discuss is that she doesn’t think most people on the list will come; they’re just courtesy invites.  I don’t know how somebody who knows nobody in-state found 60 people to invite to the shower 🙂

    Post # 10
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    So, did you meet with her? Make a decision?

    Post # 11
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    You definitely need to tell her that’s too many people.  She is being unreasonable!!  I’m sorry that she’s being so self-centered. 🙁  You are being a kind friend for hosting something but that doesnt’ mean she’s entitled to take advantage of you!!!  I hope your meeting goes well.  I’m curious to hear what happens!!

    Post # 12
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think that is way too many people for a baby shower.  I can understand if you wanted to invite couples and kids if the total number is under 30 or so.  

    I think its fair for you to bring it up and just ask how you guys can come to a resolution.  Either she cuts down the list (i would say even to 40 or 50) or she needs to make it a woman and child shower.  I think you also need to think about what type of activities you are going to do with all those people!!

    Post # 14
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Awww Man!!! That’s a stinker that she won’t have it as all women…

    – You can have special kid food, like hot dogs and chicken nuggets so that can keep cost down.

    – In my neck of the woods we have PotLucks, even for things like showers…I’m not sure if that would work in your case because it doesn’t seem like you know a lot of the guests, but for the ones you do know, it wouldn’t hurt for you to ask them to help out… think large things like lasagna, salads, sandwhich platters… no offense to your friend, but you can’t get too fancy for a party of 50 people that you’re throwing all on your own!!

    – Favor Decoration Idea: Life saver pacifiers. I’ve made them to have as necklaces and to put on cupcakes. I didn’t make the ones below- I googled the pic and the directions… the one below look a little messy, but mine never looked that way.




    Post # 15
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If you’re hoping some of the people stay home, why don’t you send the invitations out a little later than you normally would?  That way some people will have things on their calendar already and won’t be able to come.  Sneaky, but it could help you with the number of guests issue.

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