(Closed) Am I being "bridezilla" about not caring about my parents feelings?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

Could you have your actual wedding out of country as discussed and have a small reception or party back home that includes your family afterwards?

Post # 3
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you are being a bridezilla. If your parents arent contributing in any way, they don’t have any say in wedding deciisons. At the same time, if your FILS are paying for it all, they get all the say. 

There are many ways to save money on a wedding, if you choose to have it in the states. Sure you may not get the wedding you want, but honestly, I don’t think many brides do. Its something you have to let go of early on. Find out how much money your FILS can budget for your wedding and go from there. If you want to take their money. You use this money to decide what kind of wedding you can have overseas or in the states and make it work. You don’t come up with your dream wedding and tell your FILS how much money you need to cover that. 

Alternatively, you and your Fiance could pay for everything youselves, waiting a couple years to save money if needed, doing a courthouse ceremony with a backyard/park reception. There are many options. Talk with your Fiance about whether or not you really want to take FILS money for this event. Then go from there. 

Good luck, bee!

Post # 4
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
msmellybean:  That is what I was going to suggest. 

Post # 5
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla at all. I think you should accept your FMIL’s very generous offer and enjoy your day. Your mother may be upset that she wasn’t included, but it isn’t about her and it shouldn’t be. If you really want to include her, do as 

View original reply
msmellybean recommended and have a very small ceremony here in the states when you get back. 

Post # 7
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

“I do not care of either of my parents attend.”

There’s your answer. I don’t think I would plan my wedding around someone who casually dropped in and out of my life at their own convenience, parent or not. Tell her you understand, and you + your new husband will visit the hometown for a celebratory dinner with her when you get back.

Post # 8
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

PS I forgot to mention, I don’t think you’re a bridezilla at all! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
30402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
incognito31:  If it bothers you to have your Future Mother-In-Law pay for your wedding, especially if it may impact her own retirement, you and your Fiance can pay for the wedding you can afford yourselves.

It seems espeially inappropriate if your real ceremony is going to be here anyhow.

I bet it would make your guests happy, not to have to pay for a destination wedding in a foreign country.

Post # 12
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I agree with Speck_!!

Post # 13
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think you are being unreasonable if she hasn’t really been present and she isn’t offering to pay i dont think you have to change up your whole plan to accomodate her

Post # 14
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

Normally I would say yes but in this instance, your mother didn’t do much for you. You are not required to bend over backward to accommodate her with this. She’s concerned about missing a WEDDING and not pretty much half of your life?? Her needs take a back seat on this one.

Post # 15
Member
10841 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
incognito31: 

 When you say ” everyone will think the real wedding is the destination”‘ you don’t  mean your  inlaws who are paying for it too,  do you ? I can’t imagine that’s so , but I just wanted to ask .

Are you going to tell/ allow everyone else to think that it IS the real wedding?  Being a guest at a destination  wedding is a very expensive and committed thing  to do. I just wonder what people might think if they they were travelling  to what  is essentially just a party/ceremony  to celebrate your already existing marriage, (that they didn’t  know about) .

Would it not, do you think, be a better idea all round if you let your lovely Future Mother-In-Law pay for a destination  honeymoon   and  you had a  courthouse/quiet wedding before and have everbody, including your mother ( if  she showed up ) come to a reception for that , either right  after or maybe when you got back from your honeymoon?

By The Way I dont think you sound  bridezilla – ish at all. You sound like  a fair  and thoughtful person so  I hope  you don ‘t get cross  at my suggestion !    

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