Post # 1
I know I am overreacting a little bit. But I am so hurt.
SO and I had planned to do our PADI together when I move to be with him next week. But he got this great deal (50% discount) to do it this weekend and last. He asked if I was okay with it, I was sad that we weren’t doing it together but obviously I was fine with it.
Last weekend was in the pool I assumed this weekend was also in the pool. When he told me it was in the sea I was excited for him. On Thursday SO said he didn’t know if he’d be able to contact me since he was going away this weekend. The coast is 30 minutes from where he lives, so I didn’t understand why he was going away at all and was confused when he said he wasn’t sure if there was electricity.
I told him I thought he was “just doing a course” (a phrase he kept repeating) not going away on a jolly. I was getting a little upset since I was realising that I’d have to do course on my own and go away on my own, whilst he is doing it with friends. But I kept quiet, repeated his words “just a course” to myself and got on with packing (I’m supposed to be flying to be with him on July 4th).
I phone him today, no response. I eventually get a call back five hours later but I missed it by 5 minutes because I was eating lunch. I text him saying he could call me back (company phone) and it took him over an hour to do so. When we spoke he said that we probably shouldn’t be on the phone too long because the company wont pay since it’s “probably going to cost a fortune”. I asked “why is it going to cost more than usual? Where are you?”
It turns out he is in another country! He’s on vacation with a bunch of his mates doing this course. No wonder the course cost so much in the first place, he had to go abroad to complete it!
I am so hurt.
Kind words and/or a slap round the face would be appreciated. And sorry this ended up being so long. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
I have not idea what a course is, but I get the idea of him basically leaving the country with friends and having little to no care about your feeling. I would be pissed.
Post # 4
I agree with @iansmom. I’m not sure what a PADI course is, but I would be upset too. Especially because he kept assuring you he was going away for that specific reason, not to vacation.
It’s pretty inconsiderate if you ask me. I would be asking him as soon as he got back why he wanted to keep the whole thing a secret. I mean, traveling to another country is a pretty big deal.
Post # 5
I completely agree with the previous 2 posters in saying that you’re not being unreasonable at all. You were fine with him going on a course, but he specifically lied to you by omission–or at the very least misled you–into thinking it was just a small trip. It also kind of looks like he purposely left you out since you wanted to do it with him and he got a “great deal”. Now, he probably didn’t mean to leave you out, and maybe didn’t mean to lie to you, either, but you definitely have a lot to talk with him about. In any case, I hope you get everything worked out–I would be upset too, but would hope my boyfriend had a good reason for not telling me the full truth (or at least he forgot…?).
Post # 6
PADI is scuba diving certification.
Wow, so he pretty much lied to you about it, that’s nice. I’d be really pissed if my Fiance did something that we wanted to do together, especially if he skirted around telling me that he was leaving the country to go do it. You have every right to be upset.
Post # 7
Im confused but I do think that him not telling you he was leaving the country says a lot!!!
Why would he not tell you he was leaving the country??? thats sneeky
Post # 8
@Future Mrs K: He probably wanted to be alone with his friends.
Post # 9
That is not ok. You have every right to be upset, angry and pissed. He is in another COUNTRY and he didn’t tell you?! I would be so livid. You seem very calm tho, which is a good thing, so i def admire you that way.
Post # 10
You have every right to be upset, when you two are together again you should express your feelings towards what happened. Also try to hear him out. Communication is very important to a strong, ever lasting relationship.
Post # 11
Nope, you are not over-reacting at all. He deliberately mislead you or at the very least omitted pertinent info. Not good. You have my sympathies.
Post # 13
It’s weird that he didn’t just tell you where he was going exactly… right? Why wouldn’t he have said, “Wow, the course this weekend is in XXX country and I’m psyched!” I don’t like that he hid that from you. Not nice. Kind of deceitful, in fact. I’d be upset, too.
Post # 14
@ladyartichoke: The only reason I maybe would slap you in the face is because your not angry enough about it. I kid of course because I admire your calm, rational attitude.
However, if he wanted to do it with some buddies he should have been up front and 100% honest with you, he KNEW something was wrong with what he was doing but he did it anyway. I’d have a serious discussion with him when he gets back because if he’s going to spend that much money on something for him he should tell you exactly what its for.
Best of luck!
Post # 15
Thanks bees for assuring me I’m not being irrational.
What frustrates me is that I know SO wouldn’t have neglected to tell me intentionally. Just forgotten. I snapped at him and told him I didn’t want to have to play continuous games of twenty questions, but I wanted him to volunteer infomation. He hates it when I ask him too many questions, I think I’m being interested but he gets on the defensive; a wound from an ex I think.
He’s very independant, and has been for a long time. He’s generally good and aware of the sharing thats expected in a relationship. I think the distance and 7 hour time difference makes it hard for both of us to remember whats been said. He thought he’d told me, as @stillme said he is the sort of guy to say “Wow, the course this weekend is in XXX country and I’m psyched!”, I told him I’m pretty sure I’d remember something that requires a passport!
I was very reactive yesterday, but I’m calmer now. It’s tough for both of us. I myself had quite an invasive medical procedure on Friday, it was only once I was there I realised I hadn’t told him – when the nurse inferred it was a shame he wasn’t around to look after me. It wasn’t intentional, it’s been so much part of what I’ve been doing so didn’t think to repeatedly mention it in our calls but turned out I hadn’t told SO at all.
I’m a worrier anyway, but I wish I’d known. I’m also aware he hasn’t had the vaccinations for the country he’s gone to. Slap on the wrist when he gets back.
For those who were unsure about the PADI course (I didn’t make it clear, sorry) it’s a scuba diving course.
Thank you all again.
Post # 16
Well I really hope everything goes well when he gets back–I’m glad it’s probably just a communication problem and not anything more serious (him lying to you to hide something, etc.). Good luck!