(Closed) Am i being crazy(Bridezilla starts now?)

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I don’t think men are ever as enthused the second time around. 

Why do you want to get married again>?

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@prettypoison1978:Well let’s face it you are marrying a man and they are not the most creative people. However, I do see where you are coming from. You would like to see some spunk and a little orginality! I would maybe make a joke of it later, if you see the behavior continue. Until then, enjoy your man, he obviously loves you.

Post # 5
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t understand the issue.  What’s wrong with a Christmas day proposal?

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe he was looking to make Christmas a special time for himself again, sort of take it back from that mistake of a first marriage.  

 

Post # 7
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Awww Cry I’d feel pretty bummed out too. That said, try your hardest not to think about it in those terms. Instead of “she got the romantic proposal I didn’t know I wanted” it’s “I got the proposal in front of my wonderful children, making a happy day an even more exciting one”. It’s obvious that y’all have a strong relationship and he sounds like a good man (not everyone can love someone elses children as their own…it speaks volumes), try your hardest not to dwell on the ghost of chistmas past…regardless of whether she and your honey once had a relationship, you’re with him NOW. You are the woman he wants to be with. Have you talked to him about it at all? It might help the both of you if you put it out on the table.

Post # 8
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My fiancé got married to his ex-wife after knowing her for 5 weeks. “The proposal” was a conversation as they lie in bed. They went down to the courthouse, he gave her his mother’s ring, and that was that.

We’ve been dating for almost two years and I expressed to him that when the time came I wanted it to be a special day that could be our day forever. He completely surprised me and proposed while we were out on a motorcycle ride (my favorite thing to do), got on one knee, but didn’t really give a speech. 

I am telling you this because I did get that proposal you mention, and she didn’t. But would it have been nice to have had a cute little love proclamation? Yes! Of course! I’m a woman and I love nothing more than to hear how much I am adored. We are simply wired that way, and men are not. I think that women fantasize about their proposal before it happens, and we daydream about what we want and how we hope it’s done. So, when he does it and it isn’t exactly what we would want, or maybe not even close, we are disappointed.

I will say that if I were you, I would be irritated to a degree as well. But, maybe he hasn’t realized yet that you want nothing more than to have exactly the opposite of what he had with her. I am quite blunt and make that abundantly clear to my fiancé. I wouldn’t tell him that you’re upset about that, but I can tell you something that I told him when his ex (they have a child so they communicate because of him) congratulated him. I told him that I love him very much and am so excited to share my life with him. I told him that I have never had an issue with him having been married before and having to stay involved in his ex’s life and have her involved in ours. I said that in regards to our wedding, I do not wish for her to know anything besides the location and how long her son will be unavailable because he will be with us at the wedding. I wanted him to know that it is our day and that it needed to be different than his day with her, and for me, I needed him to not involve her at all. He was very understanding and agreed.

Maybe waiting a bit and expressing to him that your relationship is unique from any other relationship, and that you want the wedding and the rest of your lives to reflect that, would help. 

Post # 9
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Pia2010:   “I don’t think men are ever as enthused the second time around. 

Why do you want to get married again>?”

WTF?

OP – First, you know way, way, wayyyy too many details about your FI’s previous relationship.  Why would you want to know these details?

Secondly, on one hand you seem to be complaining because youre proposal wasn’t like hers and on the other, complaining that it was too much like hers.

The man you love wants to marry you and proposed to you.  Are you really going to whine it wasn’t exactly like some fantasy you scripted in your head? 

Post # 10
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Where did your first husband propose to you?  I’m thinking that if you didn’t get your first proposal the way you wanted it (in a restaurant), that you are disappointed that you didn’t get this proposal in a restaurant.  However, did you let your Fiance know you’d prefer a restaurant proposal?

If he would’ve proposed to you in a restaurant (a la his first wife), you’d be happy?  Because if you’re unhappy with being proposed to at the Christmas holiday because it’s how he did it for his first wife, I can’t imagine you’d be happy that he’d proposed to you in a similar setting regardless of what the date was. 

I think you should be happy that you received a proposal from the man you love.  There were lots of girls on this board hoping for a Christmas proposal and didn’t receive one.  They’d probably kill to be in your shoes. 

Post # 11
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your first comment about him asking you amongst zhu zhu pets was just right… I think that’s true.  He proposed to you amongst the children you love together and in the place you live together on a holiday you are fortunate to be spending together.  Now, every Christmas, you can have that memory on Christmas morning.  I don’t think it gets any better than that.  Don’t compare yourself to his other relationship.  That one failed, so why would you want to be anything like it? 

Post # 13
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

First of all congratulations!  And secondly, don’t worry with all of that, he may have been wanting to do something different, but as a parent (I feel and understand how it goes), sometimes you don’t have that option for a perfect romantic moment and you simply do the best with what you have.

What I read from your description was that he probably was feeling such happiness with his family surrounding him, he could not have picked a better place.  It IS and always will be different from his former engagement because he wasn’t surrounded by all his children and the love of his life, that would be YOU!

Maybe surprise him with a babysitter for a saturday night, and sweetly suggest to him you want to have a romantic night out to celebrate your engagement?

@Pia2010:  What a sad comment to make to an encore bride.  I know for a fact, my Darling Husband was and is so much happier now vs. before.  Why does anybody want to get married?  They are in love and want a future and maybe a family.  She has children with her fiance.  Until you’ve either walked in my shoes, or in the shoes of any encore bride here, I think it’s quite hurtful to make such off-base judgements.

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