Post # 1
Ok here’s the story!
My niece’s first bday party is tomorrow, Darling Husband is her “Godfather”, they told us about the party a month ago but said since it was so close to our due date we ddint’ need to feel like we “had” to come! Me being stubborn was like oh it’ll be fine we will def. try to come! Well here we are exactly 5 weeks until our C-section, so 4 weekends left and one of them is Thanksgiving, and we have SOOOO much to do! Floor 2 huge rooms of the house, finish the nursery, I work everyday next week, Darling Husband has 4 papers for his master’s class due in a week, Thanksgiving, Xmas shopping and all, and not to mention normal everyday life activities (Emersyn is in a million things) and normal everyday home cleaning and work!
Hubby called them and said IF we come it is only for the day because we can’t waste a whole weekend, but the more we thought about it, its a 3hr drive there, so it’d be 6 hours on the road in 1 day, for just a few hours at a birthday party. Brother-In-Law told Darling Husband last night they invited over 100ppl and expect like 70 to be there, and they always have lots of alcohol. NOT what I want to do after riding all morning! So we said we prolly weren’t coming because I’m 8 1/2 mo pregnant and we have too much to do before baby. Brother-In-Law gets pissed and says “so what, SIL’s sister is 7mo preg (as of yesterday) and she is still coming” Well yea, she has like 10+ wks until baby! Id have gone then too! Mother-In-Law is trying to bribe Darling Husband into coming alone by offering to come here and help him floor ONLY IF he comes up tmorrow. I think that’s insane, he has a wife at home that is 34 wks pregnant and may need him, and we have a 5yr old here too! (well she’s mine, Darling Husband claims her but I know IL’s don’t always see it the same way)… Why would you put that on your son?
Now I’m getting text from mutual friends asking why we aren’t coming saying Brother-In-Law & SIL are “hurt” because Darling Husband is her Godfather?! OMG they are NOT hurt! They have came to 1 of DDs birthdays in 4 years! ONE! And the day we were going up to see my niece after she was born, it was like 3 days later, we got a call as we were actually driving out of town, and was told to stay home SIL wanted to sleep, yet had her family over all day & took baby to their house that night? I understand do what you want with baby, but damn you can’t be too hurt now when you didn’t even let BIL’s TWIN BROTHER lay eyes on your child until she was 3-4 wks old! HOW am I the horrible one?! I know these friends and SIL didn’t travel anywhere when they were preg past like 7mo, and didn’t take baths, and didn’t do this or that. Why am I Now the horrible one when I honestly could have her at anytime?! Its not like I’m so far out its unheard of!
So my question.. am I being so horrible about not wanting to be on the road for 6 hours for a bday party? When did you stop traveling farther than say 30min to an hour from home?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
It’s a lot on your body to be in the car that long in one day. At 33 weeks, I was in the car for 8 hours in one day. It was a similar situation– DH’s cousin’s baby’s baptism. It was four hours away, and we went for the lunch after. It was important to my husband, so we went.
I won’t say it was torture, but we definitely stopped so I could stretch.
Your question, though, seems to be is it okay to skip the party because you have so much to do. …I say yes because we just moved and have a whole lot of unpacking to do– plus, we need us time, as that time is quickly dwindling. You have to do what’s best for your family, regardless of how others react. And really, they should be more understanding.
Post # 4
In this situation I would make the trip or send Darling Husband to the party on his own, but I have seen on recent threads that I am much more liberal than a lot of pregnant bees. I pretty much kept doing things or “playing things by ear’ up until the end. You guys have already said you weren’t going though so I would send a gift to the house and be done with it.
Post # 5
@emersynsmommy35: I wouldn’t go. You have a lot to do, and although travelling that far at 34 weeks is doable, I wouldn’t want to feel that uncomfortable for that long. Sounds like they will have a lot of people there anyway.
Post # 6
I travelled last week at 37 weeks (4.5hrs) but that was by train where I could get up and walk around and with a couple nights sleep between. And it was for something that I was really looking forward to and couldn’t re-schedule (plus an income source).
I personally would find it incredibly uncomfortable to travel that long by car especially if it’s all in one day. I’d send a generous present, make my regrets and say that you’re just not feeling up for it. If someone questions a very pregnant lady’s health/exhaustion levels then they’re not so nice as people.
Post # 7
Well, we are 37 weeks and a couple days and we’re still going out and about lots. We’re meeting up with friends tomorrow for dinner and a movie that live just over an hour away, and plan to do the same next weekend as long as I’m still feeling up to it. I haven’t liked “restricting” where I can go and when just based on how far along I am, I usualyl play it by ear and see how i’m feeling and do my best. I’ve gone to a couple friends bdays for their LO’s lately and just stay as long as I can and that’s that. If i’m not feeling up to it, I politely tell them it’s just not in the cards and send a gift or drop one off in the days to follow.
In saying that, I probably wouldn’t want to drive 6 hours total in one day for a birthday party .They have LOTS of people coming, so i’m guessing your interations with them one on one will be pretty small. Yes, Darling Husband is the god parent and that’s a big deal, but… 6 hours is a lot for anyone, nevermind when (that) pregnant. 🙂
Honestly, If you’d be up for making it a 2 day process I’d try that. You still have plenty of time and I’d say the chance of you going into labour is fairly small.. but, I guess you never know. If they were actually upset by you guys not being there I’d do the 3 hour drive, stay for the party and then head home early the next morning to get your to do list started again. Alternatively, I’d send my husband if he wanted to go and be there and just do what I could at home solo.
Ultimately, its’ your decision. If you’re not comfortable going – don’t. You shouldn’t have to justify it to them… being 8.5 months pregnant and sitting in a car for 6+ hours sounds less than ideal to me (personally) but if it was going to cause a huge family issue I’d probably just do my best to go.
Post # 8
With four weeks left, and three hours away, they are still giving you and Darling Husband a hard time about traveling. What if something happens to you? 4 weeks is not a time to be three hours away from your hospital/doctor/ect. I’m sure your doctor will say the same thing. Espeically with a planned C section.
Post # 9
Thats kinda how I feel. Its a bit ridiculous to not have anymore consideration of me than that, in my honest opinion. The stuff we have to do is on Hubbys plate cause I can’t lay floor! LoL I dont like limiting myself based on how far along I am either, we go shopping and stuff, but after and hour or two I’m so wore out and feet and legs hurt so bad!
I went for my apt the other day and forgot to ask about travel so I just called. My OB’s office said that they suggest no traveling farther than about an hour away once you hit 35 weeks if you are expected to have a normal delivery. And no more than about 30min away if your high risk or having a csection. I had toxemia with my daughter that came on in the last few weeks and the doc said that the longer your in the car the higher chances of swelling, She said I’m a week out from their “suggested time to limit travel” but with the issues I had before, she said it wouldn’t be recommended!
Post # 10
Don’t go. Tell her that your doctor suggested you limit travel to 30 min away and that you have too much to get done before the birth.
Post # 11
They invited 100 people to their daughter’s first birthday party?! I just….wow.
You’re very pregnant and it’s a long trip, so I say decline. However, if your husband is able to go (to make things less tense with the family), I think he should. But if he can’t, he can’t. People will get over it. And with 70 guests who have RSVP’d yes, it’s not like everyone will be looking around and demanding to know where you guys are.
Post # 12
@emersynsmommy35: you are being sensible – don’t go. you are so close to birth now honey, you need to be at home preparing and resting. how mean of them to try and make you feel guilty! this is about you and your health xx
Post # 13
@emersynsmommy35: Dont go and blame it on the doctor. My Darling Husband and I were in the same situation last month (except for I am not pregnant). We drove over 3 hours 1 way for our nephews 1st birthday (my Darling Husband is his godfather). Now they only had about 40 people at the party…and we barely spent any time with our nephew or his parents during the party. They were so busy talking to everyone else. The only reason the trip was worth it was because we made a weekend out of it – where we actually got some quality time with my SIL and nephew.
Post # 14
No way would I go. My one hour commute was even too much for me at the end of my pregnancy (it could stretch to almost an hour and a half). I would not feel bad about not going and would not let them get to me with their comments.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t go, but I wouldn’t have said “because I have too much to do prior to the baby”. I would have said something about prior engagements or doctor limiting me. I think you are getting a lot of flack for the reason you aren’t going rather than simply not going. From your original post, they gave you an out but you didn’t take it. Also, they are going to have 70 people attending, will they really notice if you aren’t there? I’m not sure how easy it will be to back peddle and blame the doctor now, but you should give it a try.
Post # 16
My doctor told me to stay within an hour of home for the last month, so I would say you are perfectly fine staying home, however I would probably let Darling Husband go if he wanted to bc if you would happen to go into labor, he could come back home.