(Closed) Am I being inconsiderate for wanting to replace all of FI’s furniture?

posted 8 years ago in Home
  • poll: Am I being inconsiderate by wanting to replace all of his furniture before we move?
    Yes - You're inconsiderate. He must like them, why else did he buy it. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes - You're impractical, you don't need new furniture just cause you're moving. : (9 votes)
    19 %
    Yes - You're inconsiderate AND impractical! ;o : (5 votes)
    10 %
    No - It's your house together, it should have furniture you both like, not what his Mom picked out! : (22 votes)
    46 %
    Compromise - Just put the ugly stuff in a room you won't use often. : (11 votes)
    23 %
    Other - Please explain. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Well, while it was nice of Fi’s mom to help him decorate, there comes a time when you decorate as a couple. Just because my mom gives me things, if they are ugly and my husband says so (and i agree), we don’t put them up! So if your Fiance gives you free reign, run the ideas by him and see what he says. Tell him it’s not your taste, find out what his is, and try to mesh it togther. If there’s a chair he likes, find a way to keep it.

    But i hear you on the ugly+money thing. We have some ugly furniture but don’t have the money laying around to just replace it all. I recovered a hideously gingham orange chair though, and bought some stain, and hopefully i can do that and fix it up next weekend. So think about doing stuff like that!

    Also–the ugly stuff can totally go in spare bedrooms. Our spare bedrooms have some ugly things in there (some broken drawers, too!) but i don’t want to replace them b/c of the cost.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Just ask him what he thinks! For instance, when I moved to my first apartment, I bought all this Ikea furniture. Not especially nice, but I did splurge on a sale desk from Pottery Barn. R and I kept that furniture when we moved into our current apartment with roommates, but now that we’re getting our own place, we’re listing some of it on Craigslist. It was my idea, but R is so excited about it because now we have “us” furniture. 

    I don’t think he’ll mind, and this way he can pick out specific items he may want to keep, while compromising on others. It can work out really well, too – we’re breaking even on that desk I bought and swapping it out for a new West Elm one. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Talk to Fiance first but otherwise, I think selling off his furniture before the move is a great idea – less stuff to move as well. Lucky (or unlucky) for me, Fiance had nothing when I moved to Germany to live with him. He had a brilliant idea to donate all of his furniture before he left to spend a year in the US (this is one of those things that only made senes to him because he planned to return after a year so I’m not sure why he didn’t think he would need things). It was expensive and we were happy to pick up a few hand me downs from his parents otherwise we slowly furnished our apt. from Ikea and some classifieds and it’s our stuff. Eventually, we plan to move back to the US so we have not invested in furniture but it is still expensive to furnish an apartment!

    Post # 6
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    your fi’s mom doesn’t have to live there, you do. as long as your fi is ok with it, i’d change it! when i moved in with my husband, he also said i could do whatever i wanted to his place and at first i felt bad and asked about every single little thing i did… but as time went on i realized he wasn’t lying to make me happy… he really doesn’t care. he was a little sentimental about some of his pictures he had up- but they were obviously for a boy’s place and/or they just plain freaked me out (he had a photo of a tornado above the bed. i’ve been in a tornado and i don’t want to see that in my room!) so we still have those things… but in a closet stored away.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

     

    I think there is a huge difference in the practicallity of changing out furniture (sofas, etc) and curtains (decor).  Decor is something I change out all the time for fun and I totally agree that you should do this as part of the move into a house as a couple.  However, the practical side of me says that swapping out furniture just for the sake of getting new stuff might not be wise unless you can recoup some of that money by selling the old stuff.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    This is how I would do it:  I would say, I can spend double what ever I earn back from selling.  So if I get $200 from selling stuff then I can spend $400 on new stuff (really only $200 out of pocket).  This way you have the inentive to get rid of the old stuff (plus maybe some other stuff laying around) and you stick to a budget. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    Although its tempting, I don’t think you need to buy all new furniture just because youre moving. I don’t know about you but when we FINALLY close on our house we won’t have a ton of extra money to replace all our furniture (I wish we did though!!). So right now I am trying to fix up the stuff we do have. For example, the ugly black bookshelves that the boy  had, I am painting white so they look clean and new. We are trying to upgrade from our “college” furniture but piece by piece. Just remember that youll be in the house for years and eventually it will look just the way you imagined,but it wont happen overnight.

    Curtains and deocorations are different though. I know we can’t really use any of the curtains from our apartment in the house, because we have different amount of windows in each room.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    You don’t have to replace everything all at once.  I would go room by room, starting with the ones you care about the most, and meanwhile his ugly stuff can furnish the rooms you don’t care about. That way when his mom comes to visit she might see that you’ve replaced the living room set, but all the office furniture is the same or something.  Then just make upgrades over time.  No one expects to hold on to their first set of furniture for the rest of their lives.  So if you make it a situation where you are slowly upgrading rather than starting with a clean slate, you should be fine. 

    Also, I would talk to him about it and see if there are any pieces that he likes better than others.  Then if he has something like a favorite bookcase, you can try to work that into the new design so there are still elements of the old mixed in.

    Post # 13
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Have a yard sale =]

    His mom’ll get over it. Surely she doesn’t REALLY think you all have the same taste, right?

    Post # 14
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Yeah I wouldn’t replace it all at once – just because it could be totally overwhelming – and leave you unable to unpack things if you’re waiting on the right furniture.

    I’d start with the main rooms and then move to bedrooms once those are completed. I seriously doubt he will mind. A lot of guys don’t really care so long as they don’t have to deal with a million pillows on their bead.

    My Fiance mom had an antique store so his whole house was decorated with stuff that’s not my taste. I took over the living room immediately with my stuff but am in less of a hurry to replace the stuff in the guest bedrooms since it would just be taking away from money I can spend on the wedding right now.

    Post # 16
    Member
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My Fiance doesn’t care too much about furniture as long as it’s not frilly/pink.  I think you might be being a little impractical but not really inconsiderate…just becaues I know that my Fiance really wouldn’t care. 

    Maybe replace a few of the ugliest things and then hold off/save up for the other stuff later on down the road.  I’m going through the same thing right now with Fiance moving in, thankfully he doesn’t have a lot of stuff, and what he does have most is going to be sold.  Some things we are keeping out of necessity like his dresser, but it will later be replaced.

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