Post # 17
Update: I spoke to Fi about selling some of furniture and it was like pulling teeth. He still claims to “not care” yet he’s having a hard time selling them. This is a man that doesn’t want to part with anything – I’m still struggling to get him to give away old t-shirts he never uses and doesn’t even fit anymore!
I realize now that it’s not a money issue. I’ve found multiple things I’d rather have on Blocket (all 2nd hand and DIRT cheap) than some of the things we already have. It would cost close to nothing to switch off and maybe even earn us money! I can see beyond ugly paint and DIY the crap out of things.
The real problem: Everything doesn’t match – and not in a cool, shabby chic way either. If we keep everything, they would all have to be put into different rooms and then find things to go with it. But the stuff he has is cheap-o, single furniture, so why the hell would we have to buy things around old, cheap stuff to match with it?
I’m a little frustrated because he is so damned stubborn! If I suggest to replace something and try and sell it, he says no one will buy it and might as well throw it out/use it for firewood! I can’t tell him flat out it’s ugly or he’ll get his feeling hurt.But once I get frustrated he repeats how he doesn’t care anyway and I can get new ones if I want.
What I’m really afraid of and I know it will happen this way if I do nothing: we will keep everything. It will go into random rooms to fill-up space. When we start getting settled in, it will be obvious it’s just filling-up space and it’ll go in the storage. It’ll sit in the storage until we decide to sell it. Then no one will buy it because we will then live in a small village filled with old people that sell their nice, real wooden furniture for 1/4 of the price.
OK END OF RANT.
I feel better … sorta. Thanks for listening.
Post # 18
Case in point: our bookcase
[attachment=952329,117296]Notice it’s 2 different colors. They don’t even sell this individually like this in Ikea anymore, they come in a larger set now.
I want something like this or this:
But I’ll settle for this.[attachment=952329,117299]
Post # 19
Moving can be exciting, and you start to dream up what your new place will look like and all of the new furniture you will want, the paint on the walls, etc. But in reality, and especially when you will have a house payment to make, it might be best to just replace things that are semi-important, like the couch (sitting on an uncomfortable couch isn’t really negotiable for me!) or living room furniture that guests will see.
I would put off book shelves for a while, because they honestly aren’t that bad. I live in a college town, and the cheap bookshelves we all have here are from Walmart and Target for $20, and those Ikea ones are much nicer looking!
Think about the items you really want to replace, and do that, but hold off on the unnecessary bits like bookshelves (which, if they are full, no one notices anyway!) or just get rid of the one that doesn’t match, or put it in a different room than the others.
Post # 20
When Fiance & I moved in together, he was coming from his own apartment with his furniture, and I didn’t have much other than a TV stand from college.
We lived with just his furniture (cheap bookshelves, a dinning “table” with barstools, a futon, etc.) and slowly replaced pieces. First a new TV stand, then the matching bookshelves, a sofa, a new computer desk, etc. We made all our purchases together and it was a gradual change.
I could see immediately changing small things like curtains that you don’t like, but I don’t see the need to immediately replace all of the furniture that you don’t like at the same time.
Post # 21
I’m a little more calm now after having another talk with Fi. I think I was bend out of shape because I save like crazy and I’ve been waiting for this since I arrived here. I’m not even splurging on our wedding or on our rings because I want to use that money for us. I’m not saying it’s wrong to, I think lovely weddings are beautiful, it’s just not for us and I’d rather spend it on our house.
I think the underlying issue is really about his mother. She mentioned about buying yard furniture soon or else they’ll run out and it won’t be available past summer. (That’s just how it is here, it’s very seasonal and with such a small population, they can’t afford to overstock.) So we went looking at garden furniture and the Fi, who is uber frugal was looking at fairly expensive furniture (+$1000) and seemed perfectly fine with it. I was pretty happy about it then, but I realize now how it bothers me because I can’t convince this man to upgrade a back-breaking couch so quickly and yet he’s fine with garden furniture just cause his Mom said in passing we should get one.
I know I should just be grateful she’s convinced him so easily and not take it any other way. But anyway, all is good now.
Looks like we’re keeping everything. But we are buying a couch (we were planning to before anyway), and a new dining room table (also as planned), and whatever great antique deal I find to DIY! Fi suggested to use the cheap-o bookshelves as storage units and our smallish dining table will be my new craft desk. All the now living room stuff (what I don’t like) will be moved to a hobby room because it matches his paintings (which I like). We’ll worry about changing it out later. BUT I am completely against just stuffing things in a room just for the hell of it. So if it won’t be used, it will go.
I have taken a stand. It will be our house. It should be the way we want it. Our mortgage + utilities is about the same as our rent, so nothing really changes except for our savings – yet we are not in anyway borderline, we’ve made sure to have enough of a cushion for emergencies and daily expenses, we have no bills except student loans.
I saved money especially for this, I have not bought shoes for myself in ages, I do not go shopping. I can afford some DIY furniture perks just cause I want to. Just concluding all of this makes me feel better.
Thank you all for your honesty and insight! I really appreciate it!
Post # 22
My husband and I have lived together for 3.5 years. I didn’t like his furniture, but I only had girly bedroom furniture. We have slowly been building our home. It started with sanding and staining a whole bedroom set he had from his mom (it was in terrible shape). Now we finally got a new coffee table and tv stand/set. I was glad that he had furniture to fill up our home, but little by little all of it will be replaced. I would buy one thing at a time (refinishing furniture is not a quick process), and build your home. It doesn’t need to be perfect all at once. As far as keeping everything, be nice and understand the difficulty of parting with things, but encourage him to get rid of things-and you have to do the same. My husband started like that, but now wants to get rid of everything because of my encouragement. 🙂