Am I being inconsiderate?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Is it inconsiderate for me to ask people to show up on a weekday.
    No, its your day do what you want. : (132 votes)
    42 %
    Yes, it is rude/ doesn't matter cost. : (102 votes)
    33 %
    Yes, but i get why. : (69 votes)
    22 %
    I am not sure. : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 136
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I don’t think its rude or inconsiderate, but just to make it easier for guests and so you have a better turn out, what about looking for a holiday that falls on a weekday? That way hopefully some guests would already have off work and would be able to come. Some venues will charge weekend rates for holidays but some will not so you would just have to look into what the venue you picked out does!

    Post # 137
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Not sure whether it’s a cultural thing here in the UK, but I know plenty of people who wouldn’t have difficulty booking one day off work to attend a wedding as part of their holiday allocation. 

    True, it’s more difficult for out of town guests who’d need to take several days off, but I’m reading a lot of comments about taking a day unpaid? Is that commonplace? 

    Sounds like you’ve made your choice. A Monday is better – as most have said, you can do what you like provided you’re OK with some people not being able to make it (although it doesn’t sound like you would be)… 

    Post # 138
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Our wedding is booked on a Thursday because we are having a small wedding and we have to reach a minimum spend amount. If people can come then great, if not then they won’t. If it’s rude to invite people to a celebration when we are serving food and alcohol on a weekday, then we are rude and everyone can suck their thumb.

    do want you want and what’s financially viable for you.

    Post # 139
    Member
    3224 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Here’s the thing, you say you’re only having a wedding because people are “forcing” you to. I guarantee the type of people who would do that will make no effort to attend a weekday wedding. So you’re going to end up shelling out $10,000 that you’d be better off saving for a wedding you don’t want where a lot of your guest list declines. Just freaking elope if that’s what YOU want. For $5,000 you could have a nice getaway wedding and honeymoon combination and then you’d save the other half. 

    Post # 140
    Member
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Have the wedding you can afford and that you are co fortable paying for.  If that’s on a Weekday then do it!  There has to be a balance between keeping potential guests happy and you having your dream wedding and starting your married life without ruining your bank account. Xx

    Post # 141
    Member
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    AlmostMrsJames :  I used to wonder the America thing but then I read a few times on WB that it’s the norm to only have 7-10 (ish?) days a year holiday in the US…. compared to our days I seriously don’t know how people cope!  

    Post # 142
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    AlmostMrsJames :  im from the UK and the holiday time goes to our kids (birthday, holidays, special dates off like school plays not to mention unforseen days like sick days) and theres not that much of it really plus we can only have certain times off so to attend something else usually means unpaid so we just dont go

     

    people always say ‘I dont know many/anyone who would’ but the simple factt of the matter is you wouldnt know, its not something people talk about and I bet MANY of the people you know who are employee would struggle or begrudge it because they use their holiday time for their OWN responsabilities

    Post # 143
    Member
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee

    Your attitude is a gross one. I hope your guests know how you really feel about them so they can make their decision to attend your wedding accordingly. 

    Post # 144
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    btob17 :  Thanks for the perspective. I guess if it’s a close relative or friend you’d probably save that time if you knew it was coming this far in advance, but other than that I can see how it would be difficult. 

    I was really asking the question from the point of view of a British bee who doesn’t have much knowledge when it comes to US holiday allocation. I took four days holiday from my allocation for my friends wedding and hen party but I’ve know her a long time (and was a bridesmaid!). As a result I didn’t begrudge her the holiday time. I get 23 days each year so not a crazy amount of time, as have to save three of those for between Christmas and New Year. 

    @bellsprout yeah, it doesn’t sound easy! 

    Post # 145
    Member
    7438 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    AlmostMrsJames :  for reference on the vacation days, I will get 15 days after I’ve been with my company for six years, I currently have 10. We max out at 25 days after 20 years. I think this is the norm for many American companies (or at least it is in my circle of friends/relatives).

    I have to put aside four days to be able to visit my family over the holidays so anyone in a similar position would likely struggle with using a full vacation day for a wedding if they weren’t very close to the couple, especially if they are trying to save vacation to actually be able to travel.

    FWIW, 23 days sounds like a crazy amount to me lol.

    Post # 146
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I would go smaller and put the money for a Friday evening wedding / dinner. Between work and for those that have to make arrangements for children during the school week, it would be tough to attend. 

    Post # 147
    Member
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    We got married at 10:30 AM on a Tuesday. The people who wanted to be there were there. I didn’t really care who showed up so long as my sister was there and i discussed it with her prior to setting it up this way.

    As long as you have the same attitude, you can totally do that. Just don’t be offended when a lot of people decline. 

    Post # 148
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee

    Virginia Kingsford :  make sure you give people plenty of notice if your wedding is on a weekday (and highlight it, for example: Wednesday 2/1/17 on your STD, website and invites). So people who are important in your life and who really want to be at your wedding could have enough time to request it off! 

    Post # 149
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s not inconsiderate at all. It’s totally up to you when you have it. It will filter down your guests to those that actually want to be there (with exception to anyone who physically can’t make it for a specific reason). It’s certainly no worse than having a destination wedding where guests would have to travel/take time off work.

    The only thing is, the chances are you will get more declines than you would having it on the weekend. So just be prepared for that and accept that as a downside to the decision you made. But if it means you can have your dream wedding at an affordable price it may well be worth it.

    Post # 150
    Member
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    farmfreshjoy :  What a horrible comment!  

     

    A wedding ISN’T about the guests – it’s about the marriage; if guests can’t make it I’m sure they will send their regrets and their best wishes and let the couple get on with having the wedding THEY CAN AFFORD.  

     

    No one should have to start their married life practically bankrupt because they felt guilted into paying for everyone they know to come to a party and no one should have tp put off getting married because they can’t afford or aren’t comfortable paying out a HUGE sum of money for everyone they know to have some cake.

     

    OP- Real friends and loved ones may be disappointed if they can’t come but wont mind as long as you and your Fiance are happy.

     

     

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