(Closed) Am I being inconsiderate?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Is it inconsiderate for me to ask people to show up on a weekday.

    No, its your day do what you want.

    Yes, it is rude/ doesn't matter cost.

    Yes, but i get why.

    I am not sure.

  • Post # 46
    877 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Honestly I am still trying to wrap myself around that when the two of you combined make 60k (assuming that is before taxes).. which is already tight for all living expenses etc etc why in the world would you ever want to spend 10k on a party.. but whatever your money. 

    A weekday bankers hours wedding? Not rude… no one is forced to come but yes super inconvenient.. I would only attend if this was my best friend or sibling. 

    Just except many declines. Best of luck

    Post # 47
    2141 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    we are only having 48 guests but weekday weddings depend entirely on your guests

    there is only 2 guests on my side who would have to take time off work as most of my friends/family are retired, self employed, students or Stay-At-Home Mom

    my fiances friends and family would almost all have to take time off work, making it ruder, harder and a pain in the arse for those guests


    strangely its my fiances friends that all have midweek weddings (dispite knowing how inconveniant they are with having to take 2 days off) were as my friends and family have big friendly weekend ones embarassed

    maybe its a class thing, my side are more casual with weddings but his side like big fancy expensive things but frankly if you cant afoord it then shifting the stress onto guests so you can make savings is not very polite imho

    Post # 48
    798 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Honestly you can have your wedding whenever you and your fiance want. Just know that many people might not show.

    Post # 49
    921 posts
    Busy bee

    Personally, I just wouldn’t come. Many won’t, because most don’t get much vacation time and aren’t going to lose out on 1 full work day for someone’s wedding. So it’s your own decision. You can either prioritize the wedding itself, or the people. Do what you’d like, just be prepared. 

    Post # 50
    7660 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Why is it an all day event? Why not just do it at 6pm so folks at least have the option of taking a few hours off instead of the whole day?

    I personally would decline as I have very few vacation days. I saw you said many guests are retired but I know quite a few retired people who have volunteer commitments throughout the week.

    I don’t think it’s rude but it is inconvenient and I think you should be prepared for quite a few declines.

    Post # 51
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    You can do what you want, but unless we were super close, I likely wouldn’t come.

    Post # 52
    7362 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Do what you want just manage your expections. 

    I doubt very much that I’d attend a wedding mid week unless its one of my ride or die friends.

    I’d send a card and gift though. 

    Post # 53
    616 posts
    Busy bee

    Not rude, but agreed with others that you’ll likely get a lot of declines.  Out of all the possible times in a week, 9-5 on a weekday is the absolute least convenient time possible.  Would you consider a weekday evening wedding, or any time on a Sunday?  Or even a weekday late afternoon would be better, so people could take a few hour or half day off work.  

    It really depends on how many people you feel strongly about being there.  Who do you need there to be happy and satisfied when you look back?  Is there anyone you’d really miss if they couldn’t come?  Talk to them and see if your original plan works for their schedule.

    Post # 54
    6192 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    Virginia Kingsford :  Well, darn it! I wonder if there are other “hidden” venues you might consider? We ended up doing it at the one place I said NO WAY to, only because I assumed it would be expensive and turned out to be the best deal out there!

    Some ideas, country club (I know I know but they have everything packaged together), a local park, restaurant, dance hall, community center.

    Post # 55
    6192 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Also think about a Thursday, it’s not as bad as a Monday or Tuesday and if you give enough advance they could make a four day weekend out of it!!

    Post # 56
    2173 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I get wanting a non-traditional wedding time and how it could help your budget. I think this could make sense if most of your guests are local, don’t work a regular work schedule and you have no “required” people who it may be inconvenient for, so that means no bridesmaids or expected to be there family members who work on Wednesdays.

    I’d reevaluate your guest list and must haves. 10k can actually get you quite a lot, depending on your location and flexibility. Our 100 person, downtown Chicago brunch wedding was only 13k and we could have easily done it for less than 10 if we needed or wanted to.

    ETA: You said that most of your guest list are people you’re supposed to invite. If you don’t want them there, leave them out! One of the best decisions we made was not to invite my 20 aunts and uncles. I hadn’t seen them in 10 years, they had never met by SO and they would have complained about coming into the city for the wedding. I’m glad I didn’t give into that supposed to — no one would have been happy about it!

    Post # 57
    657 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly I don’t think that most of the 100 people you invite will come, meaning extra savings for you. I think the people who really love you will make the effort but if you’re ok with only those people showing up for your Wednesday wedding, why not invite ONLY those people for a wedding at any other time? 

    I’ll admit, I have felt a momentary hurt at not being invited to a small wedding but when in the long run, I get it and it’s water under the bridge.  

    Post # 58
    1183 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d host it mid afternoon so people can only take a half day off work.  Then have the reception into the evening. And that way some people might still make reception if they can’t get the day off.

    Personally,a week day day time wedding is a pain in the ass to me but I’d make an effort for a late afternoon one.

    Post # 59
    2249 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I say do what you want, its an invitation and not a summons.  I had a wedding on a Friday evening and I hoped that would cause more people to decline to save me money. 

    Post # 60
    5991 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I wouldn’t go to a weekday 9-5 wedding 😕

    I highly recommend you cut your guestlist by half and have a weekend wedding.

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