(Closed) Am I being insecure? Am I being strung along? Am I ruining this?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Would you give a screaming kid the toy he’s crying for in the middle of a piss fit? No. I think he’s pulling a realistic approach. Why would he give in to your whining and moaning and propose? That’s like shutting the screaming kid up with toys and candy.

I’m sorry but I have to agree until you zip it, you’ll be waiting indefinately.

Post # 18
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to ask me to marry him because i pressured him into it. You have to wait for good things to happen. I would stop asking and worrying so much about it. You didn’t mention how long you have been together? And i don’t think it’s called being strung along if you enjoy eachother’s company and want to be together.

Post # 19
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I have to agree in that if you would stop having a meltdown about it every two weeks, he might have been able to propose by now. Who wants to propose to their girlfriend while they’re having a fit about not being proposed to? You need to set yourself a better time limit – not a word about a proposal for at least 3 months. If he doesn’t move on it by then, then he’s dragging his feet.

Post # 21
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You know what? You may not think that he isnt thinking about it and thats why you always want to bring it up so he knows you still really want it and you want it NOW.. but i thought the same thing and my SO told me he thinks about it all the time, for instance he told me he thought about it just yesterday at work. So hang in there girlie.

Post # 22
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

People on here may disagree with me, but my gut says “Give him his space and then some.” For the next 3 months, I would not mention engagement plus I would get very, very busy. I would not call, I would take his calls but get off of the phone first, I would see him about 1/2 as often as usual and I would just make him miss me and realize how much he can’t live without me. Of course, I don’t have a ring on my finger, so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt.

Post # 23
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Elleymae: Thanks, goodluck being more blunt :P.

I forgot to add one more thing that might help you in zipping it as I initially said. GET BUSY. Take up something new, exciting for you. A challange of sorts. Cooking class? Knitting, baking whatever you LIKE to do seek out that activity and participate in it more.

I was a “waiting bee” for a while until someone suggested going back to school to occupy myself. I took said advice and low and behold 6 months into my new project he proposed. Likely because I finally had something to do/ think about OTHER than when’s he gonna ask…

Post # 24
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Elleymae:  I think the insecurity monster is attacking you.  I have to use a chair and a lion tamer’s whip to keep it at bay, but even then, it manages sneak up and take over sometimes.  (OK, a lot of times).

You’re in a great position that many Waiting Bees would like to be in:  He’s TOLD you he’s not only going to do it… but he has the ring, he’s amost past the cold feet (and in some cases that counts as unofficially engaged on some of the boards) and all that’s stopping him is your anxiety over it.  I can’t remember who t happened to, but back around the fall or winter, one Bee posted that she was given her ring right as she was having a melt down.  He had a plan of how he wanted to do it, but he figured it was better just to give it to her, tear-stained face and all than go through all the upset again (and maybe again) before he could set things up for a ‘surprise’.

Look or Mr. Bee’s Plan, a post on how men want soemthing special, too, and a weepy lady isn’t one who tuggs at the heartstrings (actually, science has just shown that tears release a phermone that actually repels men, killing their libido and attraction to you, even if just temporarialy.)  You want him to see the sexy, fun, smart, beautiful gal he wants to marry, not a sad, insecure wretch who sounds like she just wants a cracker jack prize (I know you’re not like that, so does he).

I’d LOVE to know my Boyfriend or Best Friend had a ring in his posession, and was just waiting for the right time to propose.  You’ve been told what I and many others on this waiting board haven’t – your Boyfriend or Best Friend has already told you in no uncertain therms that he HAS CHOSEN YOU… he just wants to make the formal ceremony of proposing special for you both – just like a lady likes the wedding to special, the man feels he has less control over the wedding than the proposal – he needs that control, to feel he did this on his own, without any pressure.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend has waffled for ages, making me feel at the times that lion tamer’s whip breaks like I’m not really chosen, yet, as Mrs. Right…. I’m just Miss Right NOW, hoping there’s not a Miss Next Tuesday, Miss Next Year, Miss Next Decade.

Follow Mr. Bee’s Plan as best as you can – find some really exhausting activities to do that numb the brain and make you too tired to stress about it.  Then post pics for us once he does it 🙂

Post # 27
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Elleymae: I lost sight of it though, and every time I try to get back to that place, my mind says, “oh… you already did that and still no ring,” only a promise that it was coming!

As far as you know he hasn’t bought it, but your statements of him saying he’d almsot done it a few times but held off becuse of the tears amde me think he’d already bought it – also, it’s been several months – I’m pretty sure he’s probably got it or will soon, if it was a special order of some kind.

Also, and I’m not being snarky at all, the promise (if it’s kept, of course) is far more important than any ring.  He said he’d propose – that’s the promise.  There are some pretty happy, non-ringed engaged ladies on these boards.  So you’re waiting for him to officially ask for your hand – not just to put something on it.

He said he’s going to do it, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to marry a guy who you couldn’t trust to keep his word on something this big.  So trust him.  You’ll be fine 🙂

Post # 28
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Isilme: You’re a genius. I always love reading your feedback. Agreed on all fronts.

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