(Closed) Am I being irrational

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I didn’t know weight loss before a wedding was important for a bride. I didn’t even care. You would really cancel a wedding because of how you think you look? I think you need to set your priorities straight.

Post # 4
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I totally see where you are coming from, but no. You don’t want to cancel the wedding. Can you imagine having to call everyone who is invited to tell them that the wedding is off because you aren’t happy with your weight? That would be way more embarassing. 

These are your friends and family. They know what you look like and your health struggles. When you look back at your wedding photos, you will be reminded of how sick you were are how far you have come.

From what my bridal store told me, most brides gain weight before the wedding due to stress. They are beautiful because they are happy and full of love, not because of the size they are wearing. Hold your head up high and enjoy your wedding day. You will be beautiful. 

Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Every bride wants to look her best on her day so I can definitely relate with feeling self conscious. but to be honest.. Nobody will make notice of your weight but you. one of my closest friends is plus sized and at her wedding last year, her weight/size did not cross my mind once. All I noticed was how radiant and happy and beautiful she looked. dont be so hard on yourself! you will be a gorgeous radiant bride and that’s all that your guests will see!

Post # 6
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Focus on how you feel about the wedding and your fiance, not how you think you look. Your husband to be deserves your focus to be on him and the marriage you are beginning. You will be so devestated when you look back on your wedding day if you were too consumed with insecurity to enjoy it.

Now for some encouragement – I know many size 16 girls who are truly beautiful. Not in spite of their weight, but at their weight. A 16 is really not that big anyways. People gain weight, and lose weight; it is part of life. Your weight is due to a medical condition, something outside your control. Your happiness is fully in your control, so approach the alter with confidence and choose to be joyful.

Post # 7
504 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@strawbs:  Really? You didn’t know that practically EVERY bride diets before her big day?

Also, that seems a bit harsh to say to someone who is obviously struggling with self esteem issues, which is a bit different that her priorities being out of whack. Her wanting to drop the weight for her wedding is no different than a bride wanting that perfect dress or a certain color tablecloth. Most brides have very particular ideas on how to make their wedding the one in their dreams.

That said…jamacia, I know it must be frustrating for you but I’m sure you’re going to look beautiful on your day. Brides always look beautiful because of the happiness they wear, not the dress or the size of the dress. This is going to be one of the most wonderful days of your life. Don’t let anything ruin it. Especially not those 30lbs.

Post # 8
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Your health is important, and I’m glad that your Dr. has got you covered.  Just try and remember that your fiance loved you when you were 10 pounds heavier, loves you now at 10 pounds lighter, and will love you in the future at whatever weight you are at. 

In my opinion the most gorgeous brides had nothing to do with being skinny, but had everything to do with how happy they were.  Focus on the love that you have and all will be well.  



Post # 9
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

snap. out. of. it.

Seriously.  it’s not about how you look.  It’s about making a committment to a man you love and promising to build a life with him no matter what.

I disagree that weight loss before a wedding is important to almost every bride.  I think that is more commercial-hype from women who are basically unhappy with themselves and base their self-image on their weight.

Post # 10
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bummed about your weight. You should feel great about the weight that you have managed to lose through your disciplined exercising — it’s really tough to lose weight when your body is working against you!

OK then. So let’s reframe a little bit. You want to look beautiful for your wedding day — and you will. You’re just going to be larger on that day than you would prefer. But your friends and family see you at that weight every day these days. They know about your health situation. And none of them are going to be thinking about your weight on that day! You shouldn’t either. You want to have a beautiful day and make some great memories, and then get your life with your new husband started!


Post # 11
43 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think the problem you are having is with your weight. What if you were to have lost a limb?  What if you had no hair because you were undergoing chemotherapy? Would these things cause you to cancel your wedding?  Because neither weight nor limbs nor hair should get in the way of you sharing your life with your soul mate.   You stated you have a medical condition- so I think your issue is with accepting it yourself. God gives us different things to work with, and that is what we have to make due with.  A wedding is to celebrate the the joining of two people who love each other.  So unless you don’t want to marry this man, then there is no way that I would advise you to postpone your wedding to marry someone you love until something that may not even be attainable due to your condition happens.  I wouldn’t do that to someone I loved or to myself because I want to be with the person I want to wake up next to every day whether I am 90 pounds or 900.  Enjoy your life as it comes, because this is the only one we get. 

Post # 12
43 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

Also- a question to think on.  How and what would run through your head if your fiance turned to you and told you at this point after all the planning and all the payments that he wanted to wait to marry you because he was unhappy with his weight that he was for the past 2 years or so?  Would you be able to take that for face value?

Post # 13
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of this, but a wedding is primarily the start of a marriage. And a marriage is for better or worse, for the rest of your life, and you would want to put off committing to the man you love because you aren’t happy with your weight? I’m the heaviest I have ever been, and, sure, I would love to be a size 4 in my wedding photos, but I would much rather be who I am now (the person that my Fiance fell in love with) and married to him than wait on something superficial. If being his wife is less important to you than being a certain size (which is a standard that is societally flexible) you should give some serious thought to your priorities. To answer your question, yes, you are being irrational.

Post # 14
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes, definately. I understand its your wedding and you want everything to be perfect and you want to feel and look beautiful. Well, guess what? You are beautiful! and everyone will think so on your wedding day. You should be happy and excited that you are marrying your soul mate who loves you the way you are. Put your fears aside and remember that the man you are marrying thinks that you are the most beautiful woman in this world.

Post # 15
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I totally get where you are coming from. There is a difference between someone who is a size 16 and someone who has gained weight and is now having to adjust to a new body. I am going through the same thing right now. I just don’t feel like myself and that’s what makes it so odd. I feel like I am not enjoying this time because I don’t feel like me. If I was used to my new body it would be easier. Unless you’re going through it you won’t understand and it will seem irrational. I say all that to say, only you can judge how severely this is affecting you. I’m here for you if you ever want to chat! hugs

Post # 16
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i understand. you will look at the photos probably more than any others you will ever take (except maybe kid ones), i know i do!

i had some serious control underwear going on under my dress, bugger being sexy, i wanted to look slim, regardless of the spanx! try those, worked for me.


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