Am I being irrational? (Lol)

posted 2 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve done the LDR thing, both with flying and driving, and there was always the end in sight.

in fact, I was doing LDR in new town (read: few friends) while working nights and weekends and let me tell you…. that sucked.

Still, I managed to convince a couple people to be my friend and we hung out at a rock climbing gym when we got the chance. People who want to be your friend will do their best to be compassionate during your difficult times or times when you’re unavailable. And it doesn’t sound like these people are resenting your relationship because they’re single…

Sorry bee. It’s time for some new friends. You don’t have time for corn flakes. 

Post # 3
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

I had friends like this. They’re not my friends anymore, lol. If this is who you’re serious about and especially if this is who you see a future with then your friends would be understanding of that. They all have the luxury of having a partner to go home to and to spend enough time together so they can’t get sassy when you try to indulge in the same luxuries. Those aren’t real friends. 

Post # 4
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
wcky711 :  It’s possible that they’re just gradually becoming more homebodies themselves, or maybe they see it as “if we’re not good enough when her bf is around then why should we be good enough when he isn’t?” I can’t say which (if either) is going on, and I can’t tell if their comments are sarcastic and passive-agressive or if they are honestly trying to tell you they’re hurt and feel unimportant. 

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

View original reply
rockclimberbride :  Corn flakes ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m dying!

Truthfully, bee, these people aren’t true friends. You’re still making time (and probably sacrificing opportunities to be with your SO) to ensure that you’re able to be present for the big milestones in others’ lives. I absolutely understand how frustrating this hypocritical situation is – been there, done that. Friendships are a two-way street and there’s only so long that you can be the only one who’s making an effort. Ask yourself this – if these friends would be acting the same way if you were getting your PhD and had to spend multiple weekends in a row working on your thesis, would they be saying the same hurtful things if you were only able to make time during the busy research months to visit on weeknights? Or would they be supportive and happy to see you and understanding that you’re still pushing to maintain your friendships around an extremely demanding educational schedule? If they fall into the former… Are they truly the type of friends that you want?

Post # 6
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

If they were real friends they’d be supportive and understanding about your situation. Dump em.

Post # 7
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

Maybe after 2 years your friends know that if they text you to hang out at a pool, go to a dog park etc on a weekend that your boyfriend was about you wouldnt be saying yes to them either. Im guessing there some hurt feeling and resentment built up at this stage.

Does your boyfriend ever make an effort to come to you ang hang out with and get to know your family and friends or is it all one sided?

Post # 11
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Gonna be honest and say that this has happened to me, where my friend spends a lot of time with me when she’s anxious and alone, but never has a Saturday evening open if she has a boyfriend. So, I stopped trying. It’s like everyone else said, you’re not really friends anymore.

Post # 12
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
wcky711 :  Your situation is trickier what with the long separations and your boyfriend having his daughter to think of. If he’d be willing to spend time in your town, that would be great, but it might not be possible. Do you think some of your closer friends would be willing to sit down and talk about the issue with you? It might help clear up the situation on both sides in terms of airing out possible grievences, but at the very least there could be some good wine involved and some bonding. 

Post # 13
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
wcky711 :  How often do you see your so?  If it’s every weekend then I can sort of see your friends point.  It would be nice to take one weekend to hang out with them or at least everyone together.  If it’s once every few months then I think they’re being shitty but people who haven’t done long distance don’t really get it.  I was long distance with my then boyfriend, (now husband) for 2 years.  We only saw each other every 4 to 6 months for 3 weeks (and I still had to work for some of that time and had to fit in visits with his family/friends and then he’d have to visit my family)and I still remember a few of them complaining because I wouldn’t go to a girls night out while he was home.  I guess they forgot that I wouldn’t just go home to have 300 more weekends together with him. It’s easy to take a night away from your so when you see him 7 days a week.  I just took a vacation without my husband. While we were long distance that’s something I would never imagine doing because our time together was so little and far between.  

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
pocahontas28 :  
View original reply
wcky711 :  I agree with pocahontas28. It sounds like your SO isn’t coming to your hometown at all? Please note, 5 or less times in a 2 year relationship is not coming to your hometown. Maybe your friends are a bit concerned that you are givning all to a man who is not, seemingly, giving back. Even if he travels alot for work, that is his choice with his job. When he doesn’t have his daughter, he can drive to your hometown to visit with you and your family/friends. Has he even suggested this? Would he or is this only you give and he takes? Also, just a random question if I can ask… How old are you and your SO? 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors