- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Sorry if this is long… This situation has been grating on me for so long I’m sure certain I can be rational about it, and I just really need to get it out…
I have two aunts on my mom’s side, we’ll call them A & B. Aunt A, who lives in the same city as my family, is my godmother and we were close for many years even after her marriage (her husband & his family have never seemed to like us, not sure why). We spent a lot of time together, hanging out almost like sisters, and this was pretty much the status quo until I was 13. Aunt B, who had married and moved across the country before I was born, I saw only briefly every few years or so; to say we scarcely knew each other would be an understatement.
Then just before my 14th birthday, everything changed. My grandfather suffered a massive heart attack, and while he was being rushed to the hospital Aunt A and her family began demanding that my mother give them their share of my grandfather’s possessions. HE WASN’T EVEN DEAD YET, and at any rate everything was supposed to go to my grandmother anyway; my grandfather’s will hadn’t left anything to any of his children. My mother flat-out told her that her behavior was inappropriate, and Aunt A left in a huff. Not just left the house, but left the STATE. Grandpa clung to life 16 more days, and when he died she refused to come back for his funeral. Shortly thereafter, I found my visting privileges to her house revoked, and the large family dinners (which Aunt A had hosted) also ceased.
If only that had been the end of it…
Instead, her family has made the past 17 years a nightmare for my mother and I, and for Aunt B with whom I became closer following Aunt A’s split from the family. For example:
- She continuously harassed Aunt B (who has a severe medical condition) demanding that she pay for her son’s education, a car, etc. to the point that she became physically ill from the stress. At one point, she threw a literal fit that his birthday & Christmas gifts arrived late (because Aunt B was in the hospital, not that Aunt A seemed to care)
- She continuously harassed my mother with regard to the fact that she was being ‘forced’ to care for my grandmother while we did nothing. This was NOT in fact the case, the only thing Aunt A ever did–and she had volunteered to do so–was to take Gram to her doctor appointments since she was the only family member who doesn’t work outside the home.
- When my mother refused to deal with A’s antics, A began hounding me long-distance (I had moved out of state by that point) demanding that I had to choose between them. It was like a tug-o-war where I was the rope. When I told her no, she refused to speak to me for over a year. Even now, she won’t speak to me directly but uses others as go-betweens.
- She has sent repeated abusive emails to my sister and I, accusing us (and the rest of the family) of everything under the sun. Apparently everything bad that’s ever happened to her is somehow our fault…? She has also FB’d equally abusive dialogue about us to her friends, and then made certain that we knew she’d done it. Since my engagement this has grown to include derogatory remarks about my Fiance, whom she has never met.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. My family has tried repeatedly to reconcile with her, although we honestly have no idea what she thinks we should be apologizing for. She keeps saying that we’ve been awful to her, that we’ve lied about her, etc. But when anyone asks her who said or did what to her that was so awful, she has no answer. When anyone asks her what can be done to fix the ‘problems’ we’ve had with her family, she says there is no problem, that everything is FINE. Assuming that she bothers to return our calls, emails, etc. at all. Most recently A has turned this nastiness against her own 90-year-old mother to the point of reducing her to hysterical tears, convinced that she (my grandmother) must have done something wrong for A to be behaving this way.
I’m at my wits’ end dealing with her, the thought of interacting with her in any capacity fills me with dread because she only speaks to us at all anymore to be deliberately hurtful, and it’s tearing me apart that I feel this way because family isn’t supposed to act like this. Help!