(Closed) Am I being mean?

posted 7 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If it doesn’t matter to your Fiance, do what you want to do.  Can you wear a Korean style dress to the rehearsal dinner or something like that?

Post # 4
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would ask FH how he feels about the situation. If he feels as strong as his mother does about it, I would probably do it. If he doesnt care either way, I definitely WOULD NOT do it! Good Luck!! =)

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You know what? You are not Korean. You might be marrying someone who is, but YOU are not. Ask your fiance what he thinks about it; if it’s important to him, then fit it in somehow. If not, don’t sweat it! It is YOUR wedding day, and although you are joining two families together, it’s a celebration of the start of your and your new hubby’s life together. 

If you still feel like you absolutely HAVE to wear it to appease someone in the family, maybe do a quick change at the rehearsal dinner? 

Post # 6
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe you can look up Korean wedding traditions that you could do and incorporate them in the ceremony or in the reception. I think that would be a good compromise. Or have someone from his family do a reading in their language. Future Sister-In-Law did this at her wedding – she’s Mexican and Spanish and she had her godfather do a reading in Spanish, her Darling Husband is white.

And I totally feel you that your FH doesn’t care – mine doesn’t either lol. I’m black and we’re doing the jumping the broom ceremony at the end. He’s Mexican, Spanish, French, German, Native American, and Egyptian and I asked if wanted to do anything from any of those cultures. He said no, it’s up to me. Well, I’m not a part of those cultures, so I have no idea lol.

Post # 7
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds like they were just asking out of curiosity not out of requirement.  I wouldn’t worry about it.  You might talk to Fiance to find out if it’s a big deal (which it sounds like you already know the answer to)… but I don’t think there would be anything wrong if you stayed in your dress.  

 

Post # 8
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you’re making silly excuses. I get you don’t want to… but at the same time I really think that you’re covering that up with excuses that aren’t legit.

I suggest either sucking it up, because honestly that’s what I’d do. I would change late into the evening.

OR

Do your engagement pics (or add another e-pic session) and have those pictures displayed at your wedding.

And think about it, these people seemed to have asked you in a kind manner, and didn’t throw a fit and rage over it. With that said I think you *should* in my opinion do the change.

Post # 9
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree that you just have to suck it up and wear it or say you don’t want to. Personally, I would change later in the night when people are super drunk and your dress is all sweaty anyways hahaha

If not, wear it to the rehearsal. I think engagement pics are supposed to show you who you are as a couple, so to have you wearing a traditional Korean gown may not look that natural.

The way you wrote it in the OP sounds like they just asked if you would… which leads me to think this may be pressure you’re putting on yourself. His family may understand completely that you love your dress and you don’t want to take it off. Just say that.

Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If the brother’s wife didn’t wear it, I don’t think that you should feel that a question about whether you will wear it is pressure to do so.  Just ask FI’s family again about it and find out.  If they do want you to, suggest rehearsal dinner as a great compromise.

Post # 11
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the previous poster who wrote that you are not Korean. I see no reason why you should wear something that is not part of your culture. Of course, I am not politically correct and I come from a country where it is not considered rude to speak one’s mind. Scots and Brits are known to be very frank and very direct. We never beat around the bush :-).

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would ask your Fiance. If it’s important to him, then you should find a way to do it. If he doesn’t care, then I wouldn’t do it for the wedding. Maybe I would do it for the Rehearsal Dinner.

However, I don’t agree that since you aren’t Korean, that you should just blow off their traditions. You see photos all the time of mixed weddings. My friend is white and still wore traditional Indian clothing and had her hands done in henna. Then at the reception she changed into her big white gown.

I’m not Japanese, but we are having a traditional Japanese Buddhist ceremony (private) after our wedding. Nothing wrong with it. Mr. Tattoo isn’t Buddhist, but he doesn’t mind it. He’s most excited about the sake ceremony. lol

Post # 14
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vmec: Agreed! No bride is present for 100% of the reception. The no bathroom breaks is not only a pretty flimsy excuse but theres no way you can say that will any certainity (unless your gonna wear some depends). You not a bad guy. If you don’t want to fine, but don’t use that as an argument. And I totally won’t do my first look in the Korean outfit either, but there is room for compromise, if you wan to.  Personally I would welcome a dress change and would love to give a nod to my FH’s culture.

Post # 15
Bee
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Catholic church followed by a botanical conservatory

If you don’t want to wear the dress, I wouldn’t. It seems a little unfair that their other daughter-in-law didn’t do it and they would expect you to. I mean, if you were super excited to wear the dress it would be one thing, but if it’s a big stress and you don’t feel as happy wearing the Korean dress, I don’t think that’s a good use of the cultural tradition either. (I don’t like when people feel SO forced to do something).

If it’s not a big issue, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. See how Fiance feels. How late is your wedding? Maybe you could change into the dress for a send off if you really want?

But if the dress is not for you and you are incorporating ALL these other parts of the culture, I don’t see why you should feel bad about skipping the dress.

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