(Closed) Am I being out of line?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Shes probably just upset that you ran off and did what she has been planning to do for quite some time…not saying she’s right but getting congrats and it being about you when its supposed to be about her (not all the time, though!) Anyways, no I don’t think you’ve done anything so egregious that she can’t just behappy for you. 

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wedding planning brings out the worst in many!

If she was completely blindsided by your wedding, she was probably jealous ( you got married before her/ “thunder stealing”) and even upset you wouldn’t want something that she could be in too! 

Sadly, don’t expect things in return! When you do things or invest time and money, make sure its something in the bottom of your heart you want to do- wiht no regrets or wanting nothing in return. Also, by eloping you send some people a ” i dont care” don’t want a big production message since its some times  a secret/surprise. 

I’m sorry your going through this. Time is the best healer! Try to enjoy your new marriage and the one comming up!

Post # 5
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think you did anything wrong but she probably feels upstaged.  Brides get a little crazy.  She’s probably happy for you deep down, just wishes you waited til after her wedding to do it.

The only thing is – I probably wouldn’t have announced it the day before her shower.  I would have waited til after a major event to announce it.  Just saying, it seems kind of like you’re trying to steal the spotlight (not saying that you are! Just saying that’s how it might seem to her!).

Hopefully you two figure this out and she sees that you can’t revolve your entire life around her wedding schedule and that you really do care for her and weren’t trying to upstage her. 

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Like others have said…weddings bring out the worst in people. Jealousy, entitlement, icky stuff really. Friendships get tested. And that is the normal stuff. However, she is handling it poorly and I agree with you. A simple congratulations and at least feigned happiness would have gone a long way. I think she’s acting immaturely and is having that annoying “thunder stealing” thought process. She gets one day and no one is less excited for her wedding. She needs to deal with it. Sorry you’re going through this with her!

By the way, congratulations! I’m jealous of your elopement too! 😉 Sometimes I wish we’d just done that.

Post # 7
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

She might be hurt that she was not involved in your wedding or not invited. One of my best friends got married and I was not there. She went to the courthouse, never told anyone beforehand and I was kind of hurt. I mean I am happy she got married, her husband is great but I wish I could have been there. Idk I guess when you have a close friend you picture yourself being there and doing all these fun wedding things for them and I was kind of shocked that it never happened because she eloped. Just give her some time.

Post # 8
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree with @futuremrsk18: She may have felt like like your suprise elopement overshaddowed her wedding, which is what everyone was gathering to celebrate and prepare for. 

Post # 9
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I forgot to add my congratulations!! Your wedding sounds awesome.

Post # 10
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with @breadandbutterflies:  I don’t think it’s about thunder stealing, but it’s that she’s hurt that she wasn’t any part of your wedding. She has included you in her wedding planning, but you didn’t include her at all. Now I realise it wasn’t personal (i.e. you excluded everyone, not just her), but I can understand her hurt.

If you don’t invite people to your wedding, you can’t expect them to get as excited as if they were invited to your wedding. That doesn’t excuse her response. But I think she’s hurt. Hopefully with time it will heal.

Post # 11
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I think it could be a combo of things that have upset her.  #1- maybe a little bridezilla in her feels like you took away from her shower/wedding by directing others attention on your recent surprise marriage instead of her. #2- She could also be hurt that you got eloped and she couldn’t see you get married or be there to help plan you wedding like you did with her. – NOT saying these feelings are validated, but just what could be running through her head.

Congrats though, I think elopments are so romantic. 

Post # 12
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would urge you not to be upset at her for being upset with you. I do strongly believe that upsetting your close ones is a consequence of elopement and one that should be considered before doing so. We upset many of our loved ones for not including them in our wedding. Perhaps she chose you as her Bridesmaid or Best Man in hope you’d return the favour? That could be hurtful to her?

Post # 14
Member
8396 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

To be completely honest, I’d be pretty upset if my good friend announced their marriage the day before my bridal shower. I know we all get “one day” but it’s pretty hard not to feel slighted sometimes, even if you try not to.

Post # 15
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

One of my girlfriends said at my shower- “Oh, I was going to bring Baby B’s photos, but I forgot”- and I thought good thing you did, these next two hours are all about ME, sister! Were people paying more attention to you at the shower then they normally would have? If so, that could be one reason she’s upset. #2- like PPs mentioned, she’s probably VERY disappointed she wasn’t at your wedding. Have you talked to her about why you eloped?

Post # 16
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you’re out of line, you get to make your own life choices. You just have to be aware that she has a lot going on in her life and she probably has a lot of emotions about it. I agree with everyone else that she’s probably upset because it’s her bridal shower and her wedding that she wants attention about, and that she wasn’t involved in your wedding. Honestly just give it some time. Make her events about her, and schedule other time to talk about your wedding and see if she wants to do something to celebrate with you.

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