Post # 1
Okay so I have this dilema and it requires some background story:
I am getting married Oct 23 2010 and one of my best friends is getting married Nov 6th 2010. Let’s call her BM A To start i would like to tell you that she was engaged a month before me but did not start looking for wedding dates until the same month i was. August 09. She told me that she wanted OCtober 9th, 2010. I was fine with that as i had no preference except for either sept. or oct. however since we are both in each other’s weddings that meant mine could not be the first weekend in october or the third becuase we needed two weeks apart to allow for honeymoons. She endedup switching her date and picking november 6th right at the time i had decided on Oct. 23rd. It ended up working out just fine. But note that hers is AFTER mine.
So enter my current dilema. My sisters wanted to throw a bridal shower for me and they sent out an e-mail to all the bridesmaids to plan dates. A couple of my BM’s were not very quick at responding (BM A being one of them). One of my sisters lives out of town and they are both very busy so there were not very many available dates. Whiel they were still trying to figure out a date for my shower. BM A’s sister sent an e-mail out to her BMs (me included) wanting to know if a sunday worked for an afternoon girls shower. Everyone responded that it did. Her shower will be August 1st. So then my sisters keep talking with my BMs and find out the ONLY date the entire tiem until my wedding that every BM can be there is July 31st. I wanted to have a couples shower because i think they are more fun and just like a party than an afternoon girls only. Well BM A is very upset that my shower would be the night before hers (even though they will be two totally different events and we will only over lap 6 guests). I went searching for another date that could work and my sister said she would give up her float trip so we could have the shower Aug 21st. However one BM won’t be able to make it. but hten we found out that BM A’s finace is having his bachelor party that night. My finace will likely be invited as well as the majority of his friends making a couples shower impossible.
Am i being horrible in wanting to have a couple shower the night before her all girls shower? it is the only date that works. I am goign to call her and have a long conversation about it because she is one of my best friends but i really don’t think it is that big a deal to have two showers the same weekend. The only other option is for me to have a girls only afternoon shower on Aug 21st.
If you read all that, thanks. What do you think? Am i being rude to want a shower the day before? or is it not a big deal?
Post # 3
I think it would be rude if you just DID it! But I think if you talk it out with her you guys can come to a compromise!
I personally don’t see a problem with it – even if I was one of the 6 people I would be happy to have a weekend of friends and fun! But you need to make sure SHE doesn’t have a problem with it because I am sure it is not worth causing a fight!
Post # 4
it’s not a big deal – act nonchalant and surprised that she would even be miffed about it. she needs some perspective..
Post # 5
You’re not being horrible at all. Actually, I think your friend is being a little ridiculous. It’s not your fault that the scheduling worked out this way… and I really don’t understand why it is a problem to have two showers in the same weekend. I mean, I’m sitting here trying to think of reasons, and I just can’t come up with one.
Post # 6
I dont see anythign wrong in that. I would love having a weekend with 2 parties and lots of friends if I were guest.
Just talk it over with BM A and make sure your on the same page, she might be just as ok with it as you are.
Post # 7
As long as your shower won’t run super-late, I don’t see the problem. If she’s fresh and awake and you are able to be there early to help with any set-up duties, it’s not a big deal.
Post # 8
Going to be honest – BM A is going a little bridezilla when it comes to her shower. As has been said on the board many times, brides get ONE day that is theirs for their wedding (not a week, not a month, not a seaon, etc). This is even more true for a shower!! To think that she can stake claim to the whole weekend because she has a shower on Sunday afternoon is a little bit ridiculous!
Post # 9
Your weddings are so close to each other’s… this kind of scheduling issue was bound to happen. I think your friend must have known that when discussing wedding dates. I don’t think it’s a big deal- they are two different kinds of showers! She needs to take a big girl pill and be happy that both of you are at a great time in your lives.
Post # 10
Thanks for your comments. A side note that i must not have explained. We have already talked about it and she told me she was upset so we tried to find a different day. (august 21st and my sister would give up her float trip). But then i just found out that is her fiance’s bachelor party. She is currently on vacation in alaska so i am waiting until she gets home to talk about it again as now there really are no other dates available. I have a feeling in order to not cause more drama I am goign to have to give up having a couples shower and just have a girls only one in august. Which i know is still an awesome thing to get to have but it’s just disappointing becuase i wanted to have a more fun summer party, BBQ lawn games. etc.
But i am glad to hear that most people agree she is being a little crazy wanting a whole weekend. Unfortunatley one of my other BMs who is also in her wedding agrees with her. 🙁
Post # 11
Well, I think maybe I need more clarification on what your party is like. Most showers tend to be in the afternoon, but you mentioned that yours will be at night and be more like a party. Does that mean you expect it to turn into some bender after the gift-giving? Or do you mean your shower just will be in the evening?
Like @pinkrokker said, if it doesn’t go too late, I don’t see how it could be a problem. If it’s something where you think people will be up partying until the wee-hours, then I can understand why she’s concerned, especially since she’s going to yours.
Hopefully you can just talk to her and figure it out and it won’t be a big deal.
Post # 12
It really sounds like you are non-confrontational and don’t want to cause drama, but I really don’t think you should (A) have to give up your couple’s shower due to BM A’s ridiculousness or (B) have to ask your sister to give up her float trip. That just makes zero sense to me!
I really think you ought to forget about what BM A and your other shared BM think and have you shower when it makes the most sense for your sister (the host) and you and your FI (the guests of honor) – which is July 31st. Let them have a stick up their butt about the whole thing because their immaturity shouldn’t lead to you (or your sister) giving up things that are important to you.
Post # 13
I have to say that if I were BM A, I would be a tad miffed too. I know you’re not doing this on purpose, but it sort of seems that way when you put all the dates together. I would have a sit down talk with her and just explain to her that you don’t mean to monopolize all the dates and times, but you guys are getting married at the same time, and it looks like that date works best.
It’s all about how you approach things. I think if you sit her down and talk with her about it, she would feel better about everything rather than hearing it through your other bridesmaids.
Post # 14
I really don’t think it’s this other bride that you have to be considerate of, but the handful of guests that will be attending both events. As long as they’re okay with going to two showers in one weekend, then I think you’re good to go.
Post # 15
I definitely think that your BM is being a little silly. It sounds like the two of you are pretty close, so I understand that you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. I would just talk to her about it again and explain that just as August 1 is the date that will best allow her to have the shower she wants (and you can’t wait and are so excited for her, etc.), July 31 is the date that will best allow you to have the shower/party that YOU want, and won’t it be fun for both of you to get to celebrate together all weekend? I think she’ll come around. Also others have made lots of good points about considering the other guests — especially if some are out-of-towners, they might appreciate being able to come in for one weekend and get to both celebrations.
Good luck! 🙂