(Closed) Am I being out of line?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is reasonable to have your own invitation.  However whether they invite your boyfriend is their decision.  For many reasons a couple may decide not to invite boyfriends or plus ones. But if you dont get your own invitation you can always say you never recieved you invitation in the mail and send your address to the bride and groom. She will say that she sent it to your moms house.  Then you can say “I havnt lived at my mom’s house for 3 years now so here is my address”

Post # 4
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Can I ask why it is important to you to get your own invitation? I’m very curious and it would probably help me see your point of view a little better.

Post # 5
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I sent an individual invitation to everybody over 18 regardless of whether they lived at home or not.  I just think adults should be treated as such, especially if I’ve extended the option to bring a guest. 

However, all those adults that lived at home were RSVP’d for on their parents cards, so maybe it was pointless.  Can’t say any of them brought their own gift either 😛 

I just know I probably would have been annoyed about a wedding invitation to my parents just having my name tacked on too, since I haven’t lived at home for the last 5 years.

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If you are living on your own and they know you are living on your own, the correct way for you to receive an inivitation is to you directly at your address. Also, if you are the age of majority, even if you live with your parents, the correct way for you to receive an invitation is a separate invitation addressed directly to you.

Post # 7
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah… I see where you’re coming from, but I really don’t think it’s worth making a huge fuss about. I’m 26 and moved out of my parent’s house when I was 17 – and I STILL get mail there regularly. Perhaps they’re trying to conserve $ by sending one invitation to you & your parents, rather than sending separate ones?

Post # 9
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

If you are counting living at college as not at home… My guess is that your family is not thinking of it in the same way that you do…  In my family we have a tradition of hosting events that the moms (aunts) pass the word for informal events.  I’m one of the youngest cousins… the oldest have been married 25 years… and they don’t really care who coordinates the invitations… At 22, most people have been away at college, and are just setting up a household… college apartments don’t normally count as a full fledged residency for most of the students I know… and an invitation doesn’t make you a “grown-up”.  Don’t worry too much about the invite… and don’t make it a big deal… instead be proactive… give them your new address.  Invite them to visit you!   Let them see that you are an adult and they will treat you like one!

Post # 10
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

I fully understand & I think you should get your own invitation. At this point I don’t even think that should be due to the fact that your living outside of your parents house but more because you are fully independent now.

However, like @angiexox: mentioned, they might have sent it to your parents house cause they may not have wanted to invite your boyfriend, (though considering you are living together I would consider you guys to be serious and would totally invite the both of you). So maybe that was their way of being polite about it?

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think its too small a point to matter.

Post # 13
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I can understand why you would want your own invitation.  If you are living on your own (and with a significant other, especially) you now have your own household.  I received invitations to two weddings this past summer, one at my own address and one at my parents addressed to Lastname Family.  Since I was not getting a plus one to the second wedding and we were being invited as a family, I understood why they did it how they did… but I still felt like such a little kid!

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think its that much of a big deal to get your own invite. Its definitely not worth kicking a fuss over. When you start planning your wedding you will realize that many guests make demands as if the wedding is all about them and it will frustrate  you. For all you know they may just want to save on invites. why make  a big deal about it?

People still invite me under my parents invite, and evn though i dont love it, i would never specifically tell them that i need my own invite

Post # 15
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just suck it up and let them send a blanket invite to your mum. And don’t take a separate gift unless you really, BADLY want to. I don’t think it is worth it to take two gifts when they see you all as ONE family. One family = one gift.

Doesn’t matter how grown up you are, you will ALWAYS be a ‘little girl’ to the elder ones in your family. And since you aren’t married or engaged yet, they definitely still see you as a small baby. Don’t fret it. It’s not an insult. It’s actually kind of sweet if you ask me.

Post # 16
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

From an etiquette perspective, noritake22 is absolutely correct. My sister has three children, all of whom were living at her house when I sent our wedding invitations. Two of her children were over eighteen, so I ended up sending three invitations to her house – one for her oldest, one for her middle, and one for her/her husband/their youngest. And I totally get where you’re coming from – you’re an adult, living in your own residence. Requesting to be treated as such seems completely appropriate to me.

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