Post # 1
Ok, so my older cousin/godfather is getting married in July. I know my mom made some comment to my uncle (her brother, and my cousin’s father) about how I would like to receive my own invitation as opposed to having him send my mom and I one invitation, and my uncle didn’t say no but made some comment about how I think I’m all grown up or something along those lines.
Here’s the thing, I am grown up. I’m 22, haven’t lived at home for 5 years now, and live in an apartment with my boyfriend. I don’t get upset when my family sends birthday cards to my mom’s house, since I honestly have moved quite a bit since moving out, but I feel that with weddings you are generally going to have to ask some people for their addresses anyways, so not knowing my address shouldn’t be the issue.
I obviously haven’t planned my own wedding/sent out invitations, so I don’t truly know what goes into it, but I’ve read about a lot of the stress of invites through the bees here, so I have some understanding. I just don’t think it’s too much to ask. Am I being way out line with wanting my own invitation? Am I just acting selfish, or even immature?
Post # 3
I think it is reasonable to have your own invitation. However whether they invite your boyfriend is their decision. For many reasons a couple may decide not to invite boyfriends or plus ones. But if you dont get your own invitation you can always say you never recieved you invitation in the mail and send your address to the bride and groom. She will say that she sent it to your moms house. Then you can say “I havnt lived at my mom’s house for 3 years now so here is my address”
Post # 4
Can I ask why it is important to you to get your own invitation? I’m very curious and it would probably help me see your point of view a little better.
Post # 5
I sent an individual invitation to everybody over 18 regardless of whether they lived at home or not. I just think adults should be treated as such, especially if I’ve extended the option to bring a guest.
However, all those adults that lived at home were RSVP’d for on their parents cards, so maybe it was pointless. Can’t say any of them brought their own gift either 😛
I just know I probably would have been annoyed about a wedding invitation to my parents just having my name tacked on too, since I haven’t lived at home for the last 5 years.
Post # 6
If you are living on your own and they know you are living on your own, the correct way for you to receive an inivitation is to you directly at your address. Also, if you are the age of majority, even if you live with your parents, the correct way for you to receive an invitation is a separate invitation addressed directly to you.
Post # 7
Yeah… I see where you’re coming from, but I really don’t think it’s worth making a huge fuss about. I’m 26 and moved out of my parent’s house when I was 17 – and I STILL get mail there regularly. Perhaps they’re trying to conserve $ by sending one invitation to you & your parents, rather than sending separate ones?
Post # 8
@JenniMichelle: I’m not sure why exactly, I guess I just feel that I’m an adult, and should be treated as such. Also, since I would be paying my own way out to their wedding and get them a gift seperately, I should be treated as a separate entity.
@feministbride: Oh I definitely wouldn’t make a big deal if I did receive a joint invitation with my mom, and I understand the need to save $.
@angiexox,sapphiresun,noritake: Thanks for letting me know that how I’m feeling is justified. They haven’t even sent out save the dates yet (Idk if they are even planning on it) so my thoughts might not even have to be something to worry about. It’s just happened before (my last cousin who got married) so it had been on my mind.
Post # 9
If you are counting living at college as not at home… My guess is that your family is not thinking of it in the same way that you do… In my family we have a tradition of hosting events that the moms (aunts) pass the word for informal events. I’m one of the youngest cousins… the oldest have been married 25 years… and they don’t really care who coordinates the invitations… At 22, most people have been away at college, and are just setting up a household… college apartments don’t normally count as a full fledged residency for most of the students I know… and an invitation doesn’t make you a “grown-up”. Don’t worry too much about the invite… and don’t make it a big deal… instead be proactive… give them your new address. Invite them to visit you! Let them see that you are an adult and they will treat you like one!
Post # 10
I fully understand & I think you should get your own invitation. At this point I don’t even think that should be due to the fact that your living outside of your parents house but more because you are fully independent now.
However, like @angiexox: mentioned, they might have sent it to your parents house cause they may not have wanted to invite your boyfriend, (though considering you are living together I would consider you guys to be serious and would totally invite the both of you). So maybe that was their way of being polite about it?
Post # 11
@Koala Bear: They haven’t sent invites yet, this is just in regards to the comment my uncle made to my mom when she brought up me getting my own invite to him (which, for the record I did not ask or expect her to do). I do believe they plan on inviting my boyfriend as well, just for clarification. So, that would make it even weirder if they sent an invite to my mom/me/and my boyfriend all at once?
Ehh, we’ll see what happens. I won’t be upset if they do send a joint one, and definitely wouldn’t say anything to anyone, I would just appreciate getting my own.
Post # 12
I think its too small a point to matter.
Post # 13
I can understand why you would want your own invitation. If you are living on your own (and with a significant other, especially) you now have your own household. I received invitations to two weddings this past summer, one at my own address and one at my parents addressed to Lastname Family. Since I was not getting a plus one to the second wedding and we were being invited as a family, I understood why they did it how they did… but I still felt like such a little kid!
Post # 14
I dont think its that much of a big deal to get your own invite. Its definitely not worth kicking a fuss over. When you start planning your wedding you will realize that many guests make demands as if the wedding is all about them and it will frustrate you. For all you know they may just want to save on invites. why make a big deal about it?
People still invite me under my parents invite, and evn though i dont love it, i would never specifically tell them that i need my own invite
Post # 15
Just suck it up and let them send a blanket invite to your mum. And don’t take a separate gift unless you really, BADLY want to. I don’t think it is worth it to take two gifts when they see you all as ONE family. One family = one gift.
Doesn’t matter how grown up you are, you will ALWAYS be a ‘little girl’ to the elder ones in your family. And since you aren’t married or engaged yet, they definitely still see you as a small baby. Don’t fret it. It’s not an insult. It’s actually kind of sweet if you ask me.
Post # 16
From an etiquette perspective, noritake22 is absolutely correct. My sister has three children, all of whom were living at her house when I sent our wedding invitations. Two of her children were over eighteen, so I ended up sending three invitations to her house – one for her oldest, one for her middle, and one for her/her husband/their youngest. And I totally get where you’re coming from – you’re an adult, living in your own residence. Requesting to be treated as such seems completely appropriate to me.