Am I being over sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tasha16 :  Yes, you’re being touchy. Whether your husband likes the designation or not, he’s a cheater. And whether or not you choose to see the situation that way, he’s a cheater. He was married and seeing another woman. It doesn’t matter how he tries to explain it away, or excuse it. His friends are very rude to vocalize the question of his fidelity toward you – yes, but they definitely have reason to suspect he’s not being faithful. And if I were you, I would question his faithfulness on a daily basis as well. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sorry OP.

Post # 3
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s a cheater, his friends know this. I imagine they hopefully frowned upon it and ask him often about it because they are hoping to keep him from repeating the same mistakes again. If it were my friends and they cared about me you can bet your bottom dollar they would bring it up all the time and give me a verbal lashing if they got the vibe that I was transgressing again.

I would also bet cheating on his first wife likely wasn’t his first time cheating if the ask this much.

Post # 4
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Umm he cheated on his first wife. Friends apparently think this will be a serial behavior. Husband is “proud” to be able to say he’s not cheating….now.  Eventually you may be like his prior wife and he’ll be telling some other woman the same drivel ie that you’re aware it’s over/ know about the other woman etc.  Hope I’m wrong but you’re in the earlier stages of your relationship.  It’s only been 2  1/2 yrs you’re together…and cheating is a character issue.

Post # 5
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Did he cheat or did they have an open relationship?

People work divorces differently. Some fille for divorce as soon as it’s over, some wait till one wants to remarry….

It is strange that his friend would ask him that, and your husband would tell you. Maybe a more tactful way is to ask, is this marriage different?

 

You should ask your husband what he would do when you guys aren’t happy one day. The day of unhappiness will come in all marriages.

Post # 6
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would like to add I do find it kind of strange that every single time he comes home and is like “Look! Look! I’m not cheating on you!” 

Maybe I’m a skeptic but the fact that he’s trying so hard to bring up that he’s not cheating on you would make me suspect that he was cheating.

Post # 7
Member
11861 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

No, you’re not being touchy- there’s an alarm bell going off that you’re trying to stifle by assuming you’re being oversensitive.

i find it very odd that he tells you about these conversations. A common trap people fall into with a cheater is believing they are so special, their love is so real, it will overcome the cheating. This thought process relies upon the idea (ususally false) that a cheater had a reason for cheating that is not a factor in their current situation.

the reality is that often a cheater is a cheater, and the factor is themselves. 

Your husband is feeding you these stories as if to fuel the notion that he is so different with you, which is a pretty big set up for when he isn’t or of his behavior changes- it will make you feel bad, as if you;vet failed, when really, this is his character.

most people who are behaving well don’t feel a need to run home and tell their partner that their friends are amazed at how they aren’t being a scumbag, or their friends assume they will be a scumbag. Most people with integrity assume others have it, and it’s not a topic of regular conversation and they don’t expect a parade for being faithful. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tasha16 :  That’s not the definition of paranoia. You have a legitimate concern because of your husband’s character of being a cheater. And you have absolutely every right to be concerned. 

Post # 11
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I find it odd that he tells you when they ask him. If you didn’t trust him, why’d ya marry him? I’d always have my doubts. The more he brings it up, the more suspicious I’d get. 

Post # 13
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

Imho, it’s stupid men making stupid jokes. 

Post # 14
Member
7862 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He’s “proud” of his answer? Uh, fidelity is not something to be proud of…I’d say it’s the bare minimum in a monogamous relationship. 

I agree with Balletparker’s take on this. 

Post # 15
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

He’s not surprised or embarassed that they’re asking.  He is proud that he has been faithful for a whole 2 1/2 years?!  This should set off huge alarms.

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