Am I being over sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4493 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

tasha16 :  His friends probably know the less unvarnished version of his character and personality. The pointed questions is probably asked because he friends may know him to be a serial cheater not a once off that he has led you to believe.

I think you have every right to be concerned and he may be setting you up to give you a false sense of security. I don’t honestly think my sanity would cope being in a relationship with a guy who cheated in a previous marriage. 

Post # 17
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

tasha16 :  You asked, “Why do they expect the same behavior?” 

As his friends, it’s likely they know more about his last marriage and mistress than you do. They were there as all this happened, so they found out about things in real time. Maybe they don’t think he would stop what he was doing simply because he’s with a different woman; maybe they’re just curious, because if a guy had a mistress in his last marriage, he could have one in his second; maybe they don’t see many differences in him and think he’d still get one. 

I don’t think it’s bizarre that they would ask him these questions. He did have a mistress, and “sleep around”, if we go with their choice of words, so why wouldn’t they?

Post # 18
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

BalletParker :  +1

OP, I’m not believing he strayed only when they were living separate lives waiting for the ink to dry on their divorce papers, otherwise his buddies wouldn’t be harping on this topic and, as BalletParker says, he wouldn’t be wanting a parade in his honour for every pat on the back he’s given himself for not cheating. 

When a guy comes home from a night out with friends and his partner asks how his evening was ‘Good, didn’t fuck anyone I shouldn’t have fucked’ is not a normal answer. 

If his friends keep bringing this up, they’re either genuinely concerned that past behaviour will repeat itself and he’ll be headed for another divorce- or else they’re douchebags wanting to hear juicy gossip about the new side chick so they can live vicariously through this player’s braggings. 

Post # 19
Member
9543 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think it’s weirder that he is telling you about thier questions than them asking the questions in the first place. Not cheating on your wife isn’t an accomplishment, it’s not something to be proud of or brag about, it’s basic human decency.

The obvious solution is to tell him to stop telling you about these conversations.

Post # 20
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

slomotion :  I agree! That’s the first thing I thought when I read this. Kind of odd to bring up his friends asking him this . It seems like he justs wants you to know his response was “no of course not im so happy!” 

Post # 22
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

His friends can ask him anything randomly they wish. That may be on him or on them, but there’s no need for him to tell you. Indeed, as others have said, why would he think that YOU would find it unusual or praiseworthy that he hasn’t cheated? I don’t think this is an issue with his friends; I think it’s an issue with your Darling Husband.

Post # 23
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I would bet $100 he is telling you this because he is cheating and he wants to pre-empt anything his friends might potentially say to you that will tip you off

Sorry OP

Post # 24
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t think you’re being sensitive. I would get annoyed if my husband or fiancé constantly reminded me of that. Like, what do you want from me? A cookie? Congrats on being faithful (if you actually are). Totally understand your concern and I am sorry. Hopefully it stops coming up, and hopefully he’s being truthful.

Post # 25
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

dudes overshare without thinking. if you’re uncomfortable with it, just let him know. “hey, its weird for me that your friends seem to believe theres a real possibility you would be cheating on me. i would rather not hear about those conversations,”

my husband came home and told him that our coworker said we’d only be married for three years before he realizes he doesn’t want to be married to me. why? because he was talking about his day and wasn’t thinking about the fact that i’d be like WHAT A DOUCHE.

Post # 26
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee

tasha16 :  “I am quite paranoid tbh.. It bothers him alot coz he feels he’s 100% faithful but I still don’t trust him completely or get bothered by the past.”

It bothers him that you’re paranoid? You have trouble trusting him? You know that these are typical reasons that cheaters use as an excuse to cheat, right? 

If you really think he’s on the up-and-up, then you’ll want to work TOGETHER on your trust issues. Preferably with a therapist. 

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