Post # 1
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
After the new year I resolved to take my weightloss goals and eating habits more seriously. I’m not overweight, but I have about 6-10 pounds to lose and a lot of toning up to do before the wedding in May. Fiance is aware of this goal.
I didn’t start my workout regimen or my calorie counting until this week, but up until then Fiance has been ‘motivating’ me by asking if I’ll be working out today, when am I starting Insanity, when I am going to the gym, etc.
I know in his mind he thinks he is helping and motivating me, but it comes across as nagging, and a bit like being my babysitter.
I have been trying to cut back on soda, and over the weekend while we were out I had a few sips of his (after not having any all week!), while we were getting Chipotle and he says to me: Is this a cheat day? I thought you weren’t drinking soda…..ugh!!
Tonight, while discussing where we’ll be eating, and what we’ll do after. I say maybe we can get frozen yogurt. He says I thought you were supposed to be counting your calories? Yes, I am counting my calories, which is how I know if I can have the freekin froyo!
I ended up getting snippy and telling him to stop monitoring everything. I know in his heart he feels he is being motivational, but it’s starting to drive me crazy. I don’t need a monitor!
I’m not someone who complains or woe is me about the weight I want to lose. I’m not just sitting around complaining about wanting to lose weight while not actually doing anything about it either.
Bees, give me some perspective? Am I just being sensitive, or is his unsolicited help good intentioned and not a big deal?
Post # 3
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
Sorry it’s kind of long, I just really needed to get my frustration out!
Post # 4
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
You’re being over sensitive. He is just trying to help. And let’s be honest — no, you should not have soda if the goal is to not have soda, and you should not get frozen yogurt, since it’s empty calories. You can’t lose weight if you’re not going to follow your own rules.
Not that I ever follow the rules. But hey.
Post # 5
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I get why you’re upset. You want him to support you, but not be TOO interested in your weight loss. I’m sure he has good intentions, but I would probably be upset too. I’d probably just assume he thinks I’m fat, even if he doesn’t.
Post # 6
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
Don’t think you’re being too sensitive; I would be the same way! He probably does have good intentions, but you can still hurt someone in that case. If you haven’t yet, definitely talk to him about how this makes you feel!
Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
i think its a man thing, he thinks he’s helping in his own man-like way hehe I don’t think you should get angry about it, maybe just let him know that it’s annoying you though and he will stop 🙂
Post # 8
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
yep, i think you’re being overly sensitive, since you know he’s just trying to help. you couldve just said something calmly when he initially started to bother you
Post # 9
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
@peachacid: agreed. I wish my Fiance was like this when he knows I’m trying to cut back. It’s ok to just preface your deviations from the plan by telling him that you’ve decided you can swing it (soda, froyo, etc), and he should be quiet. Alternately, it’s nice to have a safeguard in place against excessive concessions of this sort. I’m too guilty myself…
Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
You’re being a bit sensitive, but it’s pretty understandable since weight loss can be an emotional topic! My guy was the same way when I first started watching what I eat and exercising. I told him I needed a cheerleader, not a coach! Now he knows that what will help me is for him to tell me I’m doing a great job after I’ve just completed a workout, rather than telling me I should be working out when I’m sitting on the couch!
Post # 11
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
I don’t think you’re being oversensitive.
My husband is the same way. He is a personal trainer/physical education teacher, a major health freak, and works out every day. For him, it’s his life. He’s in great shape, works hard for it, and has major discipline when it comes to food. (He loves it, but doesn’t eat much sugar, etc.)
I am in no way overweight (5’4″, 120 lbs) but I’d like to maintain my weight, and get toned up, for our wedding and beyond. I am especially concernced about my health as I age (I’m 30, and my parents are not well, I don’t want to end up like them).
My husband isn’t at all mean, doesn’t put me down, and loves me the way I am, but he’s frequently “reminding” me to watch what I eat, asking about the gym, encouraging me to go. It’s *great*, but can get kind of annoying sometimes. Most of the time I count my blessings for him, because it’ll be a great payoff in the end. I’d rather have someone like him than a meat and potatoes guy who sits in front of his video games drinking beer, but sometimes I just want to eat something fatty! 🙂 (we definitely balance healthy eating with indulgences from time to time, dont let my complaining fool you…)
In any case, I hear ya, but hang in there. He only means well.
Post # 12
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Further, you are upset because he’s right. You don’t want to have to follow the rules, and he’s reminding you of what expectations you’ve set for yourself. I get so annoyed when I am told to do things I already know I have to do…
But good luck! I lost a whole pound by being sick for like a week. Sigh. It’s like the only way.
Post # 13
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
I would tell him specifically how he can help you. He is trying, just going about it the wrong way.
For example, Tell him not to comment on your food choices, but to ask you to go for a walk after dinner is a good idea or to suggest nights out that dont focus on food, but things like bowling instead.
Post # 14
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
I totally understand where you’re coming from.
He’s just trying to help, but he needs to shut it. This is your undertaking for your health, your body – not his.
I’m going through something similiar with my Fiance. I’m pregnant and it’s like he’s constantly looking over my shoulder:
“Is that okay for you to eat??” “How much caffiene is in THAT??” “Have you been keeping your sodium in check today??” I’m this close || to slapping him silly >:|
Oy.
Post # 15
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
@Cory_loves_this_girl: “I get why you’re upset. You want him to support you, but not be TOO interested in your weight loss. I’m sure he has good intentions, but I would probably be upset too. I’d probably just assume he thinks I’m fat, even if he doesn’t.“
This!
FI-to-be and I are in the exact same situation. I feel how you. I know he is just trying to motivate me (like I asked him to) so I’ve asked him to make sure he compliments me more then he ‘takes note’ off the ‘naughty’ things I am doing (drinking a coke, halving my run time etc.)
Post # 16
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Every girl here who has said you’re being overly sensitive has CLEARLY not lived through what you’re talking about! My Fiance does that, too! I once LOOKED, just LOOKED at a box of Buffalo Wheat Thins, and he went “What about your wedding dress? I thought you were trying to lose weight?” SERIOUSLY JUICEBOX I JUST LOOKED AT THEM GET OFF MY BACK! Of course, what I said was “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks!”
So I’ve dropped 15lbs in the last 2 months, (I’m 5’7″ and 128lbs, so 15 lbs is a LOT), and he’s FINALLY stopped… But if we’re sharing dessert, all of a sudden it’s “Hey, popcorn muncher. Don’t you have a wedding dress or something?”(Popcorn is dessert in my house. I don’t know why)
I love him so very much, but when it comes to weight loss I just want to wreck him.
Member