Post # 1
Here’s a break down I am going to try and make this as short and sweet as possible.
My bf and I have been together for 5 years now. Its not just simple old dating. I was a single mother of one when we started and he had 2 children as well. We are now a full on blended family. He has full custody of his children in which I am a full time mother to as well. Him and I have had a child together as well. So now we have 4 children and it accumulated fast. I had a great deal of involvement with getting him full custody of his children. I do everything for him and our children.I am a very good woman to my family. To the point to where I have no social life what so ever.. I know I know it happens when your mom but i should have at least one friend or time for me to remind myself that I am a person and a human.. And that I am important to myself.. My bf is so unromantic its sickening.. He has NEVER bought me flowers or let alone done anything special for me or us.. And I am so that person for him.. I always make a big deal about his birthdays. I’ve Fathers day. Valentine’s. Its always me. I have planned surprise parties. Dinners. Romantic vacations you name it. I figured that me doing these things would give him a hint to do similar things back.. But NO. And I have spoken to him about planning cute special things for us.. But he always comes back with we never have time! Well this is the funny thing.. He’s going on a 5 day hike that he planned with his friends while I stay home with the kids.. Funny… We never have time for us though… Also my “engagement” ring has been sitting in the same spot for almost two years now.. He doesn’t know i know about it but c’mon I am the only one who cleans the house and his attempt to hide it was.. well… Like trying to hide white on rice.. I just think he has put zero effort into us. But anytime his buddies have something going on he’ll take off work to jump on the bandwagon and plans out his trips with them so nicely… I am not pressuring him. I have mentioned it though.. I feel like if you love someone you do your best to make them feel appreciated and loved.. Idk.. Its to the point to where if he did propose or plan a date I am so over it i wouldnt want to because it just wouldn’t be something he genuinely decided to do. I had to bitch about it first.. I hate how inconsiderate some men can be.. Ughhhh
Post # 2
You sound like a friend I have. She’s in the same exact position! I’d honestly be pissed if I wasn’t getting married to this man by now. You should probably have a serious talk with him about your needs and expectations out of the relationship
Post # 3
Oh hell no, his ass would be grass with that camping trip after all those excuses. Iʻd torture this guy.
First of all, that ring would be on my finger when he got home! “Oh hey, look how pretty this is, I found it while i was cleaning, what was it for?” And watch him squirm like the worm he is.
Then Iʻd plan a weekend getaway with whatever friends I could find and leave him alone home with the kids and the house and the whole 9 yards. If he can do it, why not you? He sees you as a live-in nanny for his kids that he gets to bone once in a while. What man wouldnʻt like those perks without having to put any effort into anything?
Time to figure out precisely what YOU need/want and lay down the law with reasonable time constraints or walk. I wouldnʻt stay with a man who didnʻt enjoy my company or feel the need to put effort into me.
Post # 4
Talk to him about it. Also, I highly recommend reading the love languages book, and both taking the test!
Post # 6
Omfg this sounds EXACTLY like my FI and I… I am so sorry. I had been dating my FI for 5.5 years and asked him if we were ever getting married, to which he responded “what’s the point” I was livid. I made less time for him and started thinking about what my life would be like without him. I guess he was picking up on my signals bc he proposed. We have an agreement that he has “chores” he must do and we have a designated date night ever week. It can be lonely when you’re with a man that isn’t romantic, especially when that’s what you respond to.
I completely understand how you feel. I guess my only advice would be to tell him that you’re unhappy in the current state and he needs to make some changes. Don’t outright ultimatum him, but definitely let him know that this isn’t working for you anymore and you’re sick of waiting.
Also, give his ass chores to do. He lives in the same house as you, you are not his mother, he can do the dishes and make time for you.
Post # 7
Has he been like this (not romantic, not thoughtful, prioritizing his friendships over his relationship with you) the entire relationship? If so, what made you think he would change his ways if he’s been this way for the past 5 years? You shouldn’t have to beg or nag a person into getting married. It shouldn’t have to be “demanded”. It should be something both people are happy to do and mutually work towards. It seems like maybe he enjoys his life as is and isn’t interested in changing anything.
Have you considered counseling if sitting down and having a serious, long conversation doesn’t work?
Post # 8
Love language book may be perfect for y’all as the poster above said.
Im just wondering why you really want to marry him. It’s unlikely it’s going to be any different after you’re married. I don’t know, it’s like you just want to get married because it’s been 5 years, you have a kid together, you helped him take custody of his kids (which you seem to be more involved in raising), you’re doing most of the work for all the kids, you have no life except him and the kids, you sacrifice and plan and give and give and give and this is such a wonderful life you want it to be like this FOREVER. because that is what marriage is, saying ‘You are the perfect life partner, I hope you never change because everything you are is a match to me’
sure, you love him and once you get married that will prove that all your sacrifices are appreciated and validated. But then what? Because this doesn’t sound like happily ever after.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage
littlemsbb : Have you told him that you are your wits ends?
Post # 10
I don’t think you should ever put more than 50% into any relationship. You exceeded that mark and he still refuses to meet you even less than halfway.
Post # 12
Why do you think marriage will change this? You are miserable now, why will an engagement change that?
Post # 13
I think you’re unhappy in the relationship and hoping the proposal will fix that. It wont. You might be elated for a few weeks, but then you will go back to resenting him. You resent him like crazy now and that wont get better with a proposal or marriage. Why are you even staying? Do you love him and want to be with him, or are you trapped? If you have to stay in the relationship then stop complaining abut him and what he does, you cant control him or change him. If you’re unhappy do something about it. You are choosing to allow yourself to have no friends, you are allowing yourself to only take care of the kids. Plan your own 5 day trip. Go out with your friends.
Live your life, you choose the life you have. You are allowing this. Stop focusing on him and do what you want. Stop expecting HIM to make you happy. No one else makes us happy, we have to. Why don’t you go out with your friends, why don’t you do things for your happiness? Stop blaming and resenting him for your choices and unhappiness. Take control of your life. I am not saying dump him, I am saying you can only change and control you, so do something about it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
Well, I mean, you’re already living the married life. Why not just tell him you want to go down to the courthouse next Tuesday and make it official? Or if you want the big party tell him you are going to start planning the wedding for X date and put your ring on. You know he’s not the romantic type so if you’re expecting a grand romantic gesture you probably will be waiting a long time.
But aside from that, I mean, do you even want to marry this guy? It doesn’t sound like you like him very much or are very happy in your life.
Post # 15
littlemsbb : You sounds miserable. What, exactly, is a proposal going to change? Nothing! Things will be exactly the same you’ll just be legally tied together with a ring on your finger.
Why do you want to marry him? I’m not being snarky, it’s a serious question. Is it just because you have a family together and have put in all this time and effort already?