Post # 1
Today is a special day for my fiance. it’s his “nameday,” which in our church tradition is as important as a birthday, and i *know* it isimportant to him. he’s going to church this morning in honor of it.
So at 7:30 this morning i had a followup doc appt. for my wisdom teeth, which would make me about 30 min. late for work. On my way back, after the appt., i decided to surprise my guy for his nameday. I stopped at my FI’s favorite breakfast place where he *loves* their pancakes (his favorite). PIcked up a stack to go and stopped at home to give him “breakfst in bed.”
He was super-groggy, was like, “what’re you doing here? what’s that? huh? do i have to eat it now? im going back to bed.”
i was hurt because i went out of my way to do something thoughtful for him and felt like he wasnt appreciative. so i let him know i felt kind of hurt and that *I* would be so excited, happy and expressive if he’d done something like that for me, and he got a little annoyed, like: “yes i do appreciate it. it’s very thoughtful. thank you. but i’m not a morning person. i’m still half-asleep.” Mind you, it was 8:45, not 6 am! And plus, since he was groggy and half-asleep, he did get more annoyed than he wouldve, say, in the afternoon.
but we did kiss and hug and he said “thank you, i love you” before i left for work.
Just had to get this out of my system. Would you be bugged/hurt, or am i overreacting? Can anyone relate?
Post # 3
Well, I think I’d let this one go! I’m not a morning person either, I can see myself reacting the EXACT same way as he did. Regardless of what time in the morning, if you wake me up, even to do something as thoughtful as you did, I’d still need you to give me some ‘waking up’ time. I think by tonight he’ll realize he reacted strongly and he’ll also realize what a sweet gesture that was. Chances are you’ll even get an apolgy.
To give an example of what a crazy person I am when someone wakes me up: the other day my Fiance was supposed to wake me up at around 4pm, from a nap… cuz I still love naps! Anyway, right before I went to lay down, he said something that annoyed me so I just ignored him when he asked what time to wake me and went to bed. 1 hour later, he wakes me up… to ask me what time to wake me up. I lost my mind. I seriously freaked out. Imagine marrying that person! Yikes 🙂
Post # 4
yeah, this was very sweet of you to do this, but I can totally understand your FIs POV. Fiance is a morning person, and I’m not, so I can be awake, and sitting at the computer, but I need some waking up time before I’m ready to go. Usually about 15-20 minutes after I open my eyes am I my normal self.
This is probably something to let go, it’s a two way street, now he knows to try to be more mindful of how he reacts, and you know that surprises might be better suited for dessert in bed instead of breakfast 😛
Post # 5
I get really angry when Fiance wakes me up in the morning b/c I am such a troubled sleeper. 99% of the time I don’t sleep enough so when I’m actually asleep LEAVE ME ALONE!!! But honestly, if Fiance did something like that for me, I would have pulled myself together to be grateful. WE would have had a talk later about staying AWAY from me when I’m asleep, but I would have been nice about it in the moment.
Post # 6
I’m a total beast first thing in the morning, so I can relate to your Fiance being a little grumpy. I’d let it go and chalk it up to morning grumpies.
I won’t even get out of bed until Fiance is done showering, I don’t know why, but I feel like I need the extra 8 minutes of sleep!
Post # 7
I can see why you felt unappreciated – but I can understand his side too. I’m not a morning person either. A couple weekends ago Boyfriend or Best Friend came to my house at 10AM (I was still sleeping) and when he woke me I was pretty bitchy to him (nothing he wasn’t expecting – I hate being woken up). After 15 – 30 minutes when I was actually awake, I was back to my normal self and really appreciated his visit.
Post # 8
That would piss me the f* off. BUT, I would let it go. Ahh, the compromises.
Post # 9
I am in the minority here. I am definitely not a morning person but if my Fiance were to do something special like that for me, I would have made myself wake up and enjoy the breakfast with him and he would have done the same thing for me. Especially at 8:45 am!! It isn’t like we are talking about 6 in the morning. I would be upset if I were you and if the situation was turned around, my Fiance would be upset too. If someone does something thoughtful for you, I think you should be able to realize that you have every day of your life to be able to sleep. I think it is moments like that that help show how much people love each other and the other person should appreciate them. I know my heart would melt if my Fiance did that for me.
Post # 10
eh! it was a good idea, but sounds like he was out of it. Not all good plans end the way expected, and this sounds like one that should have hit the spot, but just didn’t. Don’t let it worry you too much. Maybe he’ll apologize later for being a grump!
Post # 11
I’m totally feeling you here. Months ago, I woke up on a Sunday, around 9am. I thought I’d be nice and make us both a proper breakfast in bed. So I got up and made bacon and egg english muffin sandwiches, which we both love. So around 9.30am I woke him gently and gave him his breakfast, he gurgled some sort of response, put his breakfast on his night stand and went back to sleep!! So I ate by myself then got up and started some housework, feeling a bit hurt. Then at 11.30am!! he gets up, microwaves his breakfast and ate it without a word. I was so annoyed and I let him know. He didn’t really understand, but I’ve never made him breakfast again! Maybe I will one day, but not till I know he appriciates it the same way I would appriciate it if he cooked me something.
Post # 12
R and I both get crazy grumpy when we’re woken up, be he’s the worse by far. Not even kidding you, one time he took a nap and told me he HAD to be up by a certain time, so please make sure he wakes up. Well, nothing was working so I climbed on top of him and shook his shoulders and he got so mad he went to spin around and turn over, and I went flying through the air. You’d think he’d have felt bad, but he was so tired he told me it was my fault and that I was “torturing” him.
He gets much nicer after 10 consecutive minutes of being awake. Anything before that, I don’t take offense to because it’s so ridiculous. Plus, it’s funny how guilty he feels afterwards.
You did a really nice thing, and your Fiance will realize that. He was probably just grumpy/groggy.
Post # 13
i actually do feel better just getting to post about it. it makes it easier for me to let it go.
it’s hard not to think, “if that were ME, i would…” because i tend to be more chipper and happy in the mornign–opposite of him. not only that, i know i would be over the moon if he did that for me. partly because he does not do “big deal” romantic gestuers or surprises very often, and i would love if he did a little more. Dont get me wronghe is more of the everyday thoughtful things, but i would love if he would pop up with a romantic surprise once in a while. so i did it for him.
It also shoudl be mentioned that I was also unbelievably tired this morning so i was probably more sensitive. i was up at 2 am with throbbing tooth pain :(, and had to get up extra early for the doctor appointment.
Post # 14
Roux, that sounds just like us! thanks for sharing that!
Post # 15
I’m not a morning person and neither is my husband. But if I did something like for him, I know he would appreciate it and if he did that for me, I would love it. Even if I was groggy, I would be so happy he was so thoughtful. If I were you, I would be a little upset as well, but I would just let it go. Perhaps in the future, only do “surprises” like this during the day or evening? I think that was so nice what you did!! I personally would love pancakes brought to me in bed. Very cute idea! 🙂
Post # 16
Well, in his defense, he wasnt a total blockhead.
Through his grogginess, he did say: “thank you. that’s so thoughtful..what did the doctor say about your teeth?” So i think he did/does appreciate it, just didnt really show it at the moment.
Also, every time he walks in the house and i’m cooking dinner, he has a big smile on his face and tells me how great it smells.