(Closed) Am I being paranoid or should I be worried? (crazy ex boyfriend) long story!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Holy shit, I’m scared!!!!

Post # 3
Member
2256 posts
Buzzing bee

.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 4
Member
6028 posts
Bee Keeper

Take this very seriously. Do whatever you can to protect yourself. This man is dangerous, on more than one occasion he has threatened to shoot people, to open fire at a school. He is a danger to you and a danger to society, he should be in prison a lot longer than a year & should have a complete psych assessment.

First thing I would do, if you haven’t already, document everything. Include specifics like dates as much as you can. This could be helpful in the future in being taken seriously (shame on authorities who let him off with a warning or told you to just change your number) and in getting a protective order.

Second, call a local hotline or shelter that deals with abused women. Because you were an abused woman in the past, but your fear is still very much part of your present. They will be able to advise you on all the routes you can take. Can you be notified if he’s being released? What other steps can you take? Can you involve your local member of parliament? Are others taking action as well (the mother of his daughter must be terrified to have him around their daughter)?

I’m glad you have gotten out of that horrible relationship & found someone decent. Please do everything you can to stay safe!

Post # 5
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Wow. I am very sorry you had to go through all that. Its very good you are out and he is in jail. I agree with the PP, document and date everything as you best remember. Try to keep yourself as anonymous as you can for now, stay off Facebook.  You don’t want to give him any access or information of your daily habits or routine.

Do you have a security system in your home?  Depending on your living arrangement you should have an alarm (ours has a key fob so the police can be called if i am not by the alarm box), a big dog and video cameras. It sounds paranoid but cameras are relatively inexpensive and the app to watch the feed is free. they can be placed so if damage is done then you can get a time stamp and have proof of the perpetrator for the police. Ours is small 8″ And sits in a spot that watches the front door, stairway and livingroom. We also have one in the backyard. our backyard had a peeping tom about 6 months ago and our house was vandalized a couple weeks ago, the police say it was marked to be robbed so we are being super safe.

If it is available then counseling could help you. The PP had a great suggestion to find a hotline.

 

take care!

Post # 6
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

When he went to jail the first time was there not a restraining order put on him?

I would definitly start the process of getting one. Even indirect contact ( through other people) is going against it.

I had an ex beat me almost to death. Broke every bone in my face in a drunken rage and to this day I don’t even know why or what I did to “deserve” it in his eyes.  He went to jail for aggravated assault and was ordered not to contact me for 2 years after release. Also if he did contact me he would be sent back to jail. Of course I got a call from victims support to tell me when he was released…and what do you know..that day I get a call from a pay phone.  I gave him that one chance. He called and I told him I have zero interest in speaking to him and I have the number of his probation officer and if he ever tried to contact me again I would be contacting them and I hung up.

Two weeks later I got an e – mail from him. I forwarded it to his probation officer and he went back to jail. 

I’ve moved from a house to an apartment in another area,, changed jobs, changed phone numbers, got myself two pitbulls and barely ever leave my neighbourhood unless I’m with someone. 

Yours is 100x worse than mine!   I would have restraining orders up my butt and have the police called in every instance that he contacted myself or my Fi. 

You and Fi need to have him blocked from fb. Id probably move, there is no way id want something like that knowing where i live and putting my family at risk. Id get a big dog, like i did..they are my alarm system if someone even knocks at my door they can hear at least one scaru big dog behind the door (one sort of growks and barks..the other whines and hopes someone is coming to play) Why your Fi continues to reply and aggravate him is beyond me. Everything needs to be documented. You need to do everything to get him away from your life and your family.  Hopefully he has totally screwed himself in this. Have you gone to the police to tell them that he was talking about shooting up schools before and this wasn’t the first time he has mentioned it?  

I’m really sorry you are going through this. Personally it would probably drive me over the edge. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  smoocherific.
Post # 7
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

Anon93:  PP is correct.  I have no idea why your Fiance thinks it’s a good idea to engage him.

Post # 8
Member
10389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s insane.

Certainly you need to avoid all contact with him & get a restraining order.

The NRA offers a Personal Protection class for women.  I’d get a gun & take the course–things are that bad.  The course will teach you a lot about self defense, including the legal aspects.

Post # 9
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t mess around with people like that. Change your address, change your phone number, get working on those restraining orders. Educate yorself on privacy and protection. Do not engage with him, do not speak to him. Your Fiance needs to step the fuck back and do the same. Too much drama with the real potential for problems – don’t invite that into your life.

Post # 10
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

ummm you need pepper spray, an alarm system, a video surveillance system at your home and in your car and I’d maybe even go as far to buy a gun to keep in the house. I would make sure I was never alone in the street especially at night. Get a restraining order and make sure that your fiance and your family does the same.

I can’t imagine everything that you were/are going through, but you should have told someone when all of this was going on- ESPECIALLY about the rape so he could have been put away for a looooong time and you could have gotten the support that you needed with him gone. I understand why you didn’t, but I think you would really benefit from speaking with someone about all of this trauma that you endured as well as the mental trauma and post traumatic stress he continues to cause. You have the right to be scared- you should be scared. He is dangerous and clearly escalating. The best thing you can do for yourself is get help to heal all of the damage he has done to you.

I had an abusive ex years ago although it wasn’t as bad as what you endured. After I broke up with him, he started to show up and threaten me. It didn’t get too bad physically but he was an emotional and verbal abuser to the point where I was more afraid of that than anything he could have done to my physically. The fear he instilled in me was probably worse than anything I’d ever dealt with. I never pressed charges and I was too ashamed to really talk to a lot of people about it. For awhile I lived in fear and looked over my shoulder all the time. It seemed like he would find out where I was and either show up or have his brothers or his friends show up to harass me. One day, I just woke up and wasn’t going to let him intimidate me anymore. He took enough of my life away from me, and I didn’t want to be afraid or sad anymore so I needed to throw it back at him and let him know I wasn’t going to allow him to terrorize me or manipulate me. He was a new hot shot lawyer at a law firm and I threatened to let the firm know what was going on and publicly drag his name through the mud. The only thing he loved more than control and his image was money- so that threat finally made him go away.

I don’t think your ex will be as easily thwarted because he doesn’t have anything to lose. He is not afraid of consequences and he doesn’t seem to care what people think of him which makes him even more dangerous.

Post # 11
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hate to disagree with some of the PPs, unless you know how to handle a gun I would not get one. You say he can over power you easily, if you bring a gun into it then he has the gun and not you. You should have some protection, but not a deadly one if he is more comfortable with firearms than you are. Pepperspray or stun gun might be better.

 

Post # 12
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I would start saving this stuff and get a restraining Order. Any calls, voicemail, email or text save it. Don’t say stuff like get raped in jail just tell him to leave you alone. Don’t egg him on. You need ro make sure if you do need evidence that there is nothing were you are instigating it even though he initiated it. he can be served an order of protection while he is in Prison.

Post # 13
Member
5156 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Absolutely get a restraining order and bring all this to the police’s attention. If you rent an apartment/house, I’d move before he gets out of jail so he doesn’t know where to find you. If he contacts you, block his number. Your Fiance needs to ignore any calls from him, even if he threatens you, dont egg him on, that’s putting you both in danger. Save all proof of him threatening you. Get an alarm system on your house. 

I agree that you should not get a gun if you don’t know how to use one / dont think you could ever use one. If you do decide to get one, I would take shooting lessons and really become comfortable. As others have said, if he shows up, he could easily overpower you if you didn’t use the gun right away. 

Post # 14
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Do not speak to him. Change your number. Delete your facebook. Move, at least into a new apt if not a new city. When he gets out of jail you need to be able to be completely hidden from him. Also, document/save anything he’s done (phone calls, texts, fb messages, etc) and get a restraining order. And protect yourself. Carry pepper spray, at the very least.  

Post # 15
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

What really sticks out to me is.. What the hell is wrong with your FI?!!?!!

Why in gods name would he instigate a fight with this guy. I’m sorry but that’s just complete and utter stupidity. Put this in the hands of the police, your Fiance clearly has no common sense nor any interest in keeping both of you safe.

Your ex sounds mentally unstable and dangerous. The police need to be involved.

The topic ‘Am I being paranoid or should I be worried? (crazy ex boyfriend) long story!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors