Am I being petty?

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Am I being petty?

    Yes

    No

    Not sure

  • Post # 91
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee

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    @jellybellynelly:  Catholics are not supposed to celebrate during a period of penance (lent) look it up. 

    Post # 92
    Member
    2946 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

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    @crescent2020:  points of clarification. Lent actually ends on Holy Thursday. Also, there are only two days of the year specifically prohibited by canon law for the sacrament of marriage – Good Friday and Holy Saturday. A priest or diocese may not restrict the faithful from celebrating any sacraments, including marriage, unless it is explicitly stated in canon law or allowed by the Vatican.

    As for attending such an event, that is up to the individual. 

    Post # 93
    Member
    2733 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

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    @bcaggee:  Your comment came off quite flippant. Your redirection doesn’t hold water, as my comment is not at all appalling, but nice try. Yes, God forgives, but that doesn’t mean we should do things we believe are wrong with the expectation of forgiveness. That is not what believers believe. 

    Post # 94
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee

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    @teaandcake:  religiously speaking Muslims can and do get married during Ramadan. Logistically speaking it can be a nightmare because most people try to get to bed early so they can wake up early to eat. 

    To OP you have to be able to sleep at night and do what you think is right. Your friend made this decision not sure why and I hope “earlier” was not the only factor. Maybe she does not feel comfortable disclosing the real reason although you do deserve to know

    Post # 95
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

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    @ashleyroo:  If this is such a close friend she is one of only 2 bridesmaids why wouldn’t she feel comfortable discussing it with her? I mean aren’t you supposed to be able to be completely honest and open with a super close/best friend? If you are too embarrassed to tell your own best friend who can you tell?

    Post # 96
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

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    @soexcited123:  Just because someone has or is a best friend doesn’t mean there aren’t things in their lives that they’d like to keep private. In fact, most (all?) human beings seem to have at least ONE thing they’ve never told and would never tell ANYone. I don’t know why you seem to think that the bonds of friendship mean that people are these super intense soulmates to whom you’d lay bare your entire soul. If the bride has a private reason (perhaps between herself and her fiance) for having her wedding on Good Friday, that doesn’t mean she isn’t a good friend or a best friend.

    Post # 97
    Member
    835 posts
    Busy bee

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    @obviousanonymous:  The bride didn’t have to give an explanation if she wanted to keep it private.  But she could have said something like “I’m so sorry, we really wanted a date that would accommodate everyone, but we couldn’t manage it, and we’ve had to go for Good Friday.  I know this means you won’t be able to be my bridesmaid, and I’m really sad about it.”  That’s not ‘laying bare her entire soul’, but it is letting the OP know that the decision was unavoidable and for good reason.  Instead of just saying ‘oh, we felt like getting married a week earlier – sorry that means you don’t get to be bridesmaid after all’, which is just plain rude!

    Post # 98
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee

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    @soexcited123:  I do think that the op deserves an explanation. 

    although sometimes now days bridesmaids are used as props and although they have been friends for a long time maybe they are not close anymore or maybe the friendship is one sided obviously since the bride is ok with op not coming. Also if I was really best friends with someone for 15 years I would already know that they would be busy on a religious holiday. 

    at the end of the day the op can’t control her friends actions even though they matter. She can only control hers. In which case she should do what will make her more peaceful 

    Post # 99
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

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    @obviousanonymous:  I’m sorry I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. I hardly think giving your best friend of 15 years a simple explanation like, “hey so sorry I am going to have to have the wedding on good Friday because I can get the venue for cheaper that day but I love you and will miss you” is “barring her entire soul” I just don’t get what could possibly be so secretive about why you can’t have a wedding on a certain day that you have to hide it from a long time best friend. This isn’t some random co worker or a random acquaintance she sees at the gym. She isn’t asking her friend how much she has in savings.

    Post # 100
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

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    @soexcited123:  Annnnd that has nothing to do with what I was saying. You explicitly stated the following: “I mean aren’t you supposed to be able to be completely honest and open with a super close/best friend? If you are too embarrassed to tell your own best friend who can you tell?”

    My point is that THIS perspective is ridiculous. People do not tell their best friends absolutely everything, as you have suggested here in this quotation. People can be embarrassed or concerned about telling their best friends things. As I ALREADY SAID, it appears that nearly every human being has a secret that they have told to NO ONE. So according to your logic, they’re not a best friend to anyone? That’s ridiculous.

    As far as THIS situation is concerned, it is POSSIBLE POSSIBLE POSSIBLE that the bride and groom have their own damn reasons for their choices that they are right now choosing to keep to themselves. Making that choice does not mean the bride isn’t or can’t be a “best friend,” which is precisely what you suggested. Illogically. Absurdly. 

    Post # 101
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

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    @teaandcake:  I wasn’t arguing that the bride hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m arguing against soexcited’s ridiculous notion that part of the definition or essence of best friends is that they tell each other absolutely everything and can’t possibly keep anything private. That is nonsense. I don’t know about anyone else, but I have a physical relationship with my husband that I don’t have with my best friend; as such, I tell him things about sex and sexuality and so on that I don’t tell my best friend. Yep, sorry, doesn’t mean that gal isn’t my best friend. Honestly, I don’t care if the bride has a good reason or not, and it’s not really my point. I care that soexcited’s definition of best friend behavior is foolish. 

    The bride could have a personal reason for her choice that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing, perhaps because — crazy thought here — it’s personal to her and her fiance. Just like sex is personal to me and my husband and my best friend has no right to that part of my life. It’s not a huge stretch of the imagination to understand this point. 

    Post # 102
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

    OP, I’m sorry you’re in this awkward position.  I don’t think you’re being petty.  I would be pretty hurt in your shoes.  This is a friend of 15 years who asked you to be a bridesmaid, then effectively uninvited you by picking the one day she knows is off limits for you.  I think you deserve an explanation. Sure, the bride might have her reasons for not giving you one as is her right.  But she must know how hurtful and callous that comes off. She doesn’t get to dictate your reaction to her hurtful behavior.  I would politely decline the wedding invitation and this situation would negatively affect the friendship for me.  

    Post # 104
    Member
    835 posts
    Busy bee

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    @ifitonlyhappened:  That’s a lovely attitude to have – continuing to support your friend in her wedding.  You are being a really good friend, not letting this affect your support of her, and I hope she will be an equally good friend to you.

    Post # 105
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

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    @obviousanonymous:  No need to be nasty. I wasn’t referring in general. I thought my statement of, “it’s not like she was asking how much she had in the bank” made that pretty clear. But again as always you chose what to read from my responses..of course a best friend can not share everything. But I was simply saying it’s a little odd if you are going to ask your VIP what date works better for them (which if you are close enough to the OP to have her be one of 2 bridesmaids she is) and she tells you one date won’t work. Your best friend of 15 years is flippantly like oh well we are going with the other date anyways with NO explanation as to why yes that’s not being transparent with a friend of 15 years. It kinda goes back to then why ask OP if at the end of the day her response doesn’t manner and you are gonna have it on any day regardless? KWIM?

     

    My response would have been different if her friend chose a date and then the OP told her sorry that date won’t work without being asked by her friend. Then she would be out of line to ask more about it.

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