Am I being pushy?

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    You seem like you’re overthinking this.  What indication do you have that you have ruined something?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1569 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    What is the problem? Sounds like he’s going to buy a ring soon and propose! Yay!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    kobeandbubs :  That’s an extremely normal question to ask when you’re expecting a proposal.  A huge number of couples even have a “timeline” when they know it will happen, so it’s a good thing to have a discussion about when you’re likely going to be getting engaged.  Just take a few deep breaths and let him do his thing.  It sounds like it’s coming up soon which is exciting! 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    639 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Wanting a say in what you wear on your own finger, every day, for the rest of your life is not pushy. Wanting to know what’s going to happen with your own future is not pushy. A ring is a really expensive purchase, and the details in jewelry are highly nuanced. Of course you should be looking together. It’s not about whether you trust his judgement, it’s about you working as a team.

    If you wanted to pick out your own outfits and choose what to wear each day, would that be being pushy? Don’t be so passive and second guessing yourself.

    Congrats.

    Post # 7
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee

    Even if you’re “pushy”, that strong personality of yours should be something he’s madly in love with, if he’s the right match for you.

    Don’t let old-fashioned ideas stifle your freedom to express your expectations and communicate your feelings.

    Post # 8
    Member
    283 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    It sounds like your boyfriend openly talks about marrying you, proposing, ring shopping, having children and a future with you.  You aren’t being pushy, imho, you are participating in that conversation.  Cut yourself a little slack, bee, and be gentle with yourself. 

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Engagement rings are expensive, my husband saved for almost a year for mine (he wasn’t making much at the time) and I know my dad saved for 6 months for a ring for my mom. I think that your boyfriend does want to marry you but maybe needs time to buy the ring and plan the proposal, hense him saying 2-3 months. I personally think you should let him pick out a ring for you without you there since he’s hinted on to the fact that he wants to. You already showed him rings you like so he has an idea, I’d let him take it from here and I’m sure everything will be fine! He probably wants to surprise you at least a little

    Post # 10
    Member
    67 posts
    Worker bee

    Trying on rings is must better than looking for photos and saying what you like. It’s much different to see it on your own hand instead of someone else’s hand. When I first started looking at rings, I had an idea of what I wanted and when we went in to try them on, I realized I actually hated the look of the style on my own hand, and chose something completely different.

    Don’t be afraid to go look at rings yourself if he doesn’t want to go with you, and send him the photos of the ones you really love. Then he can make a final decision to surprise you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    530 posts
    Busy bee

    Who gave you the impression that women should be totally passive on their own lives?

     

    You should (metaphorically) kick that person in the shins.

    Post # 12
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    Nah girl, you’re good! I think if he felt frustrated or unhappy he would have said something. Sounds like he’s crazy about you and very transparent about his intentions, when you asked for a timeline he had one and it’s not some vague, far-off date, he followed up by seeking info on what you like (considering you and also showing initiative/follow-through), then wanted to make the choice himself but also wants you to like it! It seems like he would love to pick out something you will treasure, which is sweet. I surprised my husband with a nice watch shortly before we got married. It was a lovely feeling getting to pick it out, imagining his reaction, picturing how it would look on him. I definitely took his preferences into consideration and told him he could return it if he wanted something else. But it felt more meaningful to me that I got to carefully and lovingly choose something for him, rather than him picking and me paying lol. Perhaps your guy is sentimental like me!

    In any case, things sound great right now and I don’t think you have ruined anything. Enjoy this exciting time!! I am super excited for you!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1092 posts
    Bumble bee

    Why are you so afraid to come off as pushy when he is clearly (and rightfully so) welcoming your input? 

    You are overthinking this. It concerns me that you are so scared of coming off a certain way with someone you’re about to marry. 

    Please think about why you feel you can’t be your true self around him when it comes to talking about your future. 

    It can be daunting to talk about when you don’t know where the other person stands, but he’s making this easy for you

    Post # 14
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think you ruined things! You just need to relax and have faith that it will happen soon. Don’t obsess over it!  I would definitely still try to go look at rings though! You may think you know what styles you like, but until you actually see those styles on your hand, you can never be sure. At least this was the case for me.  Half of my dream rings that I had saved on Pinterest I actually ended up hating once we went ring shopping because I didn’t like the way they looked on my hand.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4037 posts
    Honey bee

    Seriously? 

    Are women no longer encouraged to ask questions a out their future? Is it preferable to sit back and just let things happen ( or not). 

    Pushy is a nasty adjective that some people love to apply to women who are trying to get something – like information. Strangelynenough, we rarely hear about pushy men; gee, I wonder why….

    It is not pushy to inquire about when the proposal might take place..

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