Post # 1
…my FH is the type who needs a little push every now and then……but i hate reminding him to do stuff or just bringing up things in general that he should know or want to do without me saying anything…..cuz i dont want to be a pushy FW or one who’s got a leash on her FH so to speak… i’m not that type!! anyways, he’s even told me before that sometimes he’s very forgettable or absentminded and needs the nudge to get back on track….. and i’m like *sigh* really? :-/
i bring this up because he asked me to marry him (YAY!!) without a ring though…..and of course i said yes! cuz i’d marry him in a heartbeat 🙂 but he said he’s sorry he doesnt have a ring but he didn’t want to wait to ask me… which is fine by me don’t get me wrong!!!
so i’ve been looking thru wedding stuff….getting ideas and such….we even set a date, 9.8.12, and have a plan in motion to save for it…..gives us plenty of time….and he keeps saying how he wishes he could marry me now….and all that… which is fine too!!
the issue i have is that, he hasn’t picked a ring….and sure some of you may say that he’s probly been looking while i’m not around or whatnot, but trust me, i know for a fact he hasn’t…..and again, i dont want to seem pushy but i’m a very picky girl so i even suggested, how bout we go window shopping together to get some ideas? and he’s okay with that, but gets all sad cuz our budget is tight right now….but my thing is, the rings i like are only like 100-250 range, which i also know for a fact that we can afford….i’m the one who stays on top of the finances in the house cuz he forgets to pay bills sometimes….i want a saphire ring, a regular one, cuz the saphire “engagement” rings are 10x as much and the regular ones are just as gorgeous to me….anyways, i just feel wierd cuz i tell everyone we’re engaged and bout wedding plans and such and they all treat us like we aren’t cuz i dont have a ring yet….especially our parents, we told them we were engaged and they weren’t even as excited as i thought and i feel like its cuz they didn’t take it seriously cuz there was no ring… 🙁 like you’re “supposed to” have a ring before planning otherwise its bad luck or something…. BUT there’s nothing wrong with picking engagment ring together is it???? i mean, who says you have to do this before that??? you should do what best fits ur situation no??
i guess i’m looking for some reassurance that i’m not out of line for 1)asking to go looking for engagement rings, and possibly buying one while with FH?? i feel like if i leave it up to him, it won’t be til 2 months before the wedding that i get an official engagement ring….i feel terrible saying that but its true!! he’s like that….2)planning our wedding without having a ring??
Post # 3
Whoa, slow down!
You are not out of line for asking him to look at engagement rings. However, I think that a lot of this could be cleared up if you have a talk with him because you don’t know if:
1. Maybe he’s secretly saving to surprise you. He might be more traditional than you and likes the romance of doing that, so to him, he wouldn’t want to just buy one together. You can let him know that you’ll still be surprised, even if you know it’s coming (I mean, you’re already engaged so the secrets out of the bag!), because he’ll have picked it out and chosen the time to give it to you.
2. Maybe he WANTS you to have something more than a $200 ring and is embarrassed that he can’t give that to you now
3. Maybe (and I recognize this is a terrible idea, but somethign that you should consider) he’s nervous about getting married
In regards to the 2nd possibility, one way to resolve this is to buy you your $200 ring and then tell him that you’ll save up and he can give you a blingier anniversary ring. Or “1st child” ring. Or a blingier wedding ring. Whatever. The 3rd possibility is not pleasant, but you owe it to yourself and to him to at least have “the talk” before you take the plunge.
In the meantime, you can always buy yourself a cheapy fake ring and wear it on your left hand. For whatever reason, people have less of a problem when SOMETHING’s, even if it’s fake. You can also lie and tell them that your ring is being resized in case they’re pushy about it.
Post # 4
Yes, just give him a little nudge and take him out shopping! It’s not like you’re being unreasonable and asking for a $20k ring or something, when that’s not in your budget. Guys do tend to forget about things like this…he just needs a reminder.
Post # 5
..actually, your probably right…. that sounds like him to want to do it traditional and have a traditional ring…. i just dont care much for diamonds…i really dont…it doesn’t mean i wouldn’t love ANY ring from him, but i cant deny it would make me a lil sad inside if it were just a diamond…. a saphire would mean more to me cuz both our birthdays are in september and we set our date for sept as well… but your probably spot on that count…
the third is a possibilty, tho if its true then he’s better at hiding feelings from me than i thought….cuz he’s been hinting and talking about getting married sooner rather than later, and i’ve been trying to talk to him realisticly bout it so we can afford it….if we got married now, we wouldn’t be able to have a reception at all….or have the wedding that both he and i both want…
i do like your suggestion on getting a “filler ring” so to speak, for now….i’ll have to talk to him to see how he feels about it… thanks so much for your reply!! 🙂
Post # 6
I hate to say it but my FH is kind of the same with the whole needs a nudge to get things done. He is much happier when things are done and taken care of but he hates having to do things, to him he thinks if he ignores it long enough whatever it is will magically be done. We have been together for over 6 years, we talked about marriage and a ring and would look at rings together sometimes, but I knew if I was gonna wait for him to bring home a ring like in a fairytale, I was dreaming. For us cost was a big factor -I was out of work for 8 months and the job I ended up with doesn’t pay very well, but I am happy to be earning! And we have lived kind of as husband and wife, with finances combined and everything for over 4 years and bought a house together last year right before Il ost my job. So it wasn’t up to him to find the money for it, it was on both of us. So I had a diamond ring that was passed down to me and I suggested we use that diamond. He was less than thrilled. Being on a tight budget and all for birthdays the birthday peron gets to pick what we do for the day withour compliant. So for my b-day i asked if we could go look at rings. He was into it, we looked at settings, and I showed him how afforable it could be and he actually got excited. We went back a couple months later and purchased it. He held onto it for a couple months, which was for me pure HELL. I was aliitle bummed I didn’t get the whole suprise ring, and he didn’t pick it out himself. But we are both very happy with our decision. Hope it goes well for you. I would say just don’t nag about it (I was guilty of that). But just asking so that you know what is going on is good. Good Luck!
Post # 7
Sounds a little similar to my FH. Very slow at things. Sometimes needing to be reminded. Which sucks in this situation. No woman wants to TELL their man to get a ring and propose.
Only because he has already proposed I like the idea of you just purchasing the ring that YOU want for $200 just as a filler to ease your mind when spreading the news and planning. Then while your totally not thinking about it he can suprise you with the ring HE wants you to have. Then you’ll have ring he purchased and wedding band. Then your filler ring can then be worn on the other hand to symbolize your birthdays, etc.