(Closed) Am I being reasonable or just jealous?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Have you discussed how you feel with your mother?  I think that’s the first step. 

Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you should sit down and talk to your mom about all this.  I think you’re right about all the silver and china being passed down to you.  I find it weird that she’s so willing to give it to your brother’s Fiance.

Post # 5
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Also, just because this girl says she likes the china pattern doesn’t mean she’ll be taking it.  She could’ve said it to be polite and didn’t expect your mother’s reaction and offer of “oh you can have a set”.  Perhaps this girl has her own patter picked out. 

If your mother has three sets of china, surely you can let your brother have one set.  

Post # 6
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but try not to take it too much to heart. What I mean is I think your mother is just getting very excited about the wedding and is very happy for your brother and his fiancee. I agree with PP- you’ll have to sit down with your mom and talk to her. Just remind her that you’re so happy to have this new member of your family, but there are a few family pieces you were really looking forward to having. If there are many different sets, I think it’s perfectly acceptable if you get some and your brother and his fiancee get others. 

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s so sad :(. I’m sorry your mom is being a jerk. You’re definitely being reasonable about this. I would talk to her too, she doesn’t sound like the most emotionally intuitive person, maybe she doesn’t realize what she’s doing?

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Nope! When I read this and got to your mom giving her your great grandmother’s recipes, I got upset myself! Please sit down and talk to your mom. She’s going overboard with welcoming her and it’s rude to you because she’s acting like you’ll never get married.

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

About the recipes – this seems like something you could just ask her for, right?  It’s not like there’s only one copy or something.  Maybe she didn’t know you wanted them yet.

About the china – maybe it slipped her mind or she thought you didn’t care.  The good thing is that you spoke up.  What did she say when you reminded her you wanted it?

It would definitely suck if she was just forgetting about you, but I don’t know that she has done that – not from what you posted, anyway.  And honestly, going by those 2 examples, thinking that she’s treating the Fiance like the daughter she never had sounds a little overdramatic?  I’m sorry!  I’m really not trying to be mean.  Maybe there is more to the story, but I don’t really see it from what’s here.

If I were you, I’d just continue to speak up.  Maybe she’s trying to turn over a new leaf with the Fiance, and let her know she’s super welcome – maybe she feels bad about having been cold in the past, and is trying to make amends.  In general, I think that’s a really good ting. 

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would take your mom aside and talk to her about your concerns. She may think you weren’t interested. But you should talk to her before she gives other things away that you aren’t there to stop. She could just be caught up in the moment too.

Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Talk to her. She won’t know how you feel until you do. 

Post # 12
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to feel the way you do.  I do think that you need to talk to her because your mom and tell her how you feel.  It seems that your mom might just be doing these things out of her excitement for the wedding, and does not realize that you are being offended.  Talk to her =)

Post # 13
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER ASAP before she actually does anything that cant be taken back!!!! yes seriously. Tell her how you feel!

you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. you should be the one to have the china and silver!!! other girl is not taking them!

i’m not sure if i’m the only one who thinks the family china situation is a huge deal. for my family, there’s NO way In-Laws will have our family asset. this is not something to be lightly dismissed!

 

Post # 14
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah, I agree with the other bees.  You should talk to your mom. Tell her how you feel about it.  His Fiance probably does not really care about the China and if your mom just told her she make a mistake it probably would not be that big of a deal.  Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds (to me) like your mum is just swept up in the whole process, the wedding and welcoming a new girl into the family. I don’t think that she is overstepping you on purpose. 

Either way nothing can be done until you calmly talk to your mother about how you feel. Focus on the silver, china and recipes, perhaps you can pick out your favorites of the sets and your brother and his Fiance can have one of them? (you said there were 3). The recipes are something easily passed down to you, perhaps your mother was just saving them for when you got married? (if that is part of the tradition) Or didn’t realise that you don’t have them yet. 

You need to talk to your mother calmly and explain how you feel, I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you. Good luck and keep us updated! 

Post # 16
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your mom cant read your mind.  Tell her what you want

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