- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
Sorry, guys, this is kinda long..
Fiance and I are living with a roommate, J, while I’m finishing up my last year of grad school. J is one of FI’s coworkers & needed a cheaper place to live for his last year of school & I had found a great townhouse, but 1 Fiance and I couldn’t afford on our own. Hence, the living situation.
J was introduced to my best friend here at school, let’s call her Ashley, last May, who also happens to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
SUMMER: very flirtatious with Ashley at any party/get together we had; invited her over to cook dinner for her multiple times ,just the 2 of them.. signs of being interested. Then comes girl Sally. Sally lived at J’s apt complex & had been infatuated w/ him for a while. Took advantage of him a few months before when she knew she was blacked out & slept with him. He didnt remember a thing next day.
Anyway, there’s 1 night where J goes home with Ashley after he had a small party at his apt. Sally was there, and when she saw J leave with Ashley, she texted him asking if they were still friends etc. J kept showing Ashley all these texts & was saying he wasn’t interested in Sally etc.. The 2 of them just end up talking for a while & making out, but she doesn’t have it go any further.
1.5 WEEKS LATER: J he tells her that he feels he needs to give it a shot with Sally instead. Uh, what?? Completely out of nowhere. Then he’d text her things when he was drunk, over the next couple weeks saying now that he’s gotten to know Sally he’s not nearly as intrigued, he feels like he made the wrong choice, etc.
END OF SUMMER/BEGINNING OF FALL: J & Sally lasted a couple weeks. He went back to texting or calling Ashley every day, seeing how she’s doing, how her day went, etc… always inviting her to come over or go out, everything a boyfriend would do, but without the title. Even drove an hour to her apartment 1 night when her kitchen caught fire to help move all her furniture etc to the middle of each room so they could repaint the walls & stuff.
END OF OCTOBER: J invited a bunch of his college friends to come in from Out of Town & stay with us. Also invited Ashley to come over, & had me invite some of the other girls from my program over to just hang out, drink, etc. Ashley and I are sitting in the living room having a drink, when J goes out the front door. Comes back in, and Sally is with him. Ashley lost it & was crying upstairs in my room for a solid portion of the night feeling like an idiot because J seemingly had been leading her on this whole time. When she calmed down, she went downstairs & confronted him (alone) about things he said about Sally & why he’d invite both girls tonight and he told her the only reason he invited her was because she’s more my & FI’s friend than his….. Seriously?
Anyway, so J & Sally have been dating ever since. I was crazy pissed at J for pulling that & hurting one of my best friends. However, J is really the only guy friend Fiance has here, & has helped him out a lot lately (mostly car issues).
NOW: Fiance tells me he gave J a Save the Date. I say oh… okay. He tells me it would be rude not to invite him as he’s our roommate & has been helping Fiance out a lot lately (mostly car stuff). I say I feel like if we invite J we have to invite Sally & I feel that since Ashley is my Maid/Matron of Honor & just a very close friend in general, it’d be rude of me to invite Sally.
Fiance argues that Ashley has been dating someone for a few months now & it seems to be going really well, & she’s probably over it by now. I say regardless of whether she’s over J, I still feel like it’d be a slap in the face to invite Sally. AND, I feel like J is the one who screwed up & was an asshole.. why should I cater to him with regards to the guest list over my MOH?
Fiance then tells me he’s “not going to be a rude asshole because Ashley can’t be a big girl & get over it.” Which, PS I about smacked HIM in the face when he said that.. he’s typically very understanding, so I have NO IDEA what he was thinking when he said that.
Anyway, I can’t really get around not inviting J, despite my desire to, but is it reasonable to not invite his girlfriend, based on the past history? Or is it rude if I invite him & not his girlfriend, even though I know her & am inviting everyone else’s fiances/boyfriends/girlfriends? I think I’m justified, but I’d like your opinions!