(Closed) Am I being ridiculous?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Well you can’t do anything about the baby. It will come when it’s ready and they probably didn’t do it on purpose 🙂 As for your friend, it could be that your weddings are a month apart. So that’s still a pretty good amount of time in between, and maybe you can look at it as a good thing to go through planning together and exchanging ideas. I know you want it all to be about your big day, but you shouldn’t assume to have a monopoly on the the few weeks around your wedding. Good luck! It’s a really happy time for all of you, so try to enjoy it all!

Post # 4
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

From a slightly more selfish standpoint…look at it this way:

Your friend’s wedding will be out of the way, by the time yours comes around. So you get to soak in all the bride-to-be glory for an extra month! You won’t have to hear about her upcoming wedding, because her spotlight has already come and gone. =)

As for the expected baby…I wouldn’t fret about that too much. Totally seperate and unavoidable (exciting) situation for your family. =) Who doesn’t love little ones??

Post # 5
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hi,

My sister (and MOH) is due less than a week after my wedding (8/1/09).  At first I was a bit irritated b/c she told me she was trying to get pregnant and is the date flexible.  I felt like especially given the uncertainty it was a lot to ask.  It’s a little stressful to imagine she might have a newborn and not be in my wedding (or might even go into labor during the ceremony).  but overall I’m more excited about the new baby than anything.  As others have said, nothing to be done.  And the reason for the complication is exciting, wonderful news.  I understand that deep down inside it might feel a bit like these events are stealing your thunder, but your wedding is just as important as your friend’s and your new niece/nephew’s birth.  I’m guessing, since he’s already married, maybe your brother is older?  I know for me there is definitely a feeling of everything’s been done before (with my sister).  So maybe that makes it feel harder.  But just think of it this way, a new husband for your friend and a new niece/nephew just mean you have more people to celebrate with.

Post # 6
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I would probably feel a little sting of jealousy about a friend getting married right around my wedding as well, but people have to live their own lives and do what is best for them.  I don’t think you’re feeling overly irrational… just focus on your planning and try to be happy for your friend as well!  I sympathize with you totally… the best thing to do is just put on a happy face and plan your dream wedding regardless of what is going on around you!

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Regarding your friend’s wedding being very close to yours…Keep in mind that the summer is just a very busy time for weddings in general.  It’s likely that your guests will know several couples getting married in the summer of 2009, so you shouldn’t be surprised that there may be other weddings in the weeks/months before yours.  I know it may be a difficult adjustment in your circle of friends if the focus has been on your wedding and now it is shifting to your friend’s wedding.  I have to remind myself of this sometimes, but remember that good things happening to other people don’t detract from the good things happening to you!  Even if other people are having important, special moments close to your wedding day, it doesn’t make your wedding day any less important or special!!  No matter what happens leading up to your wedding, on your wedding day, you and your fiance will be the stars of the show!!!

Post # 8
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Unfortunately, you get a wedding day, not a wedding week or a wedding month or a wedding year. We brides may feel like our weddings are at the center of the universe, but unfortunately life continues for everyone else in the meantime, for good or for ill.

You can’t control it, so you may as well embrace it. In a way you’re lucky, cause all of the life events happening around you are really positive. Imagine if the clamor was over someone losing their job and not being able to care of their family, or someone getting really sick. Now that would be something to stress about. But this? No one ever died from an excess of joy in the family :).

Also, your brother and your friend are probably feeling some of that jealousy you’re feeling too—fear that your wedding might overshadow their wedding/new baby. So you’re not alone in that regard either—so take heart.

Share their joy and express your own joy and I think you’ll be surprised at how much it enhances your wedding planning experience. Many brides feel really alone when they’re wedding planning because they’re the first (or last) among their friends to marry. You and your friend, however, can be a great resource and support for one another during this time. She will probably be the only one in your real life who will tolerate non-stop wedding talk! 

Here are a few previous posts that have touched on this emotion in various situations. I hope you will find them helpful:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/shes-stealing-my-thunder

http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/01/26/the-sibling-race/

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sister-gets-engaged-on-eve-of-wedding

Post # 10
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I can totally relate! My fiance told my family he was going to propose this year and our four year anniversary was in March. I told everyone I thought he was going to do it that day and it ended up my sister got engaged a few days before our anniversary. Totally unexpected. Then my brother announced he was having a baby about a week after my sisters proposal. Needless to say my fiance waited and proposed in October. Three weeks later my niece was born.

My brother and sister are my best friends and at times it seems like one of our special occasions is over shadowed by the others, but overall we all had a wonderful year and lots to look forward to and we are all happy for each other.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

No, you’re not being ridiculous.  It’s totally normal to feel that way.  However, you do need to get over it…  As has been said many, many times on these boards – you get a day.  Not a month, not a season, not a year.  I had relatives who actually went to two weddings the same day as mine – some of the couples split up for the day (one went to my wedding, one to the other) and some divided things so they went to my wedding and the other reception, or vice versa.  We actually had my wedding on my little niece’s first birthday, and on 56th anniversary of some good friends of the family.  One of my good friends from work was married two weeks after my.  Everybody else has a life too, and not putting it on hold just for your wedding is not actually a sign of disrespect.

However, everyone has to remember that it’s not a competition.  Your friend’s wedding can be wonderful, and yours can be too.  Your family can be excited about the new baby, and about your wedding.  Having multiple reasons to be happy doesn’t take anything away from anyone.  Once you get happy about everybody else’s good fortune, maybe you can all be equally happy for each other.

You will have to remember that everybody’s happiness gets equal time. If you expect your brother and SIL to be excited about and interested in your wedding, you have to be excited about and interested in their impending baby.  And the same for your friend.  It can be lots of fun to have a friend who is also planning a wedding – my friend and I both loved having someone who actually understood our frustration over invitation wording, or ordering flowers, or whether or not our dresses were going to arrive in time, or how crazy our moms were being.  If your friend is going to get all competitive about things, then that won’t work out well – but as long as you both remember that one wedding doesn’t have to "win" you can both have lots of fun.

Post # 12
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I totally sympathize with you, especially about the friend getting married around the same time as you… we also have friends who got engaged after us but scheduled their wedding for a month before ours. And of course you can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy when that happens, but as others have said, sometimes you do have to step back and remind yourself that your wedding is only one day, and other people can’t be expected to put their lives on hold for it. Besides, there are so many different options for wedding styles, feels, colors, etc. out there, the two of you will probably end up with really different weddings in the end, so hopefully you can keep that in mind and try to avoid thinking about it as a competition to have the "best" wedding. Enjoy going through the planning process with a good friend by your side, and as for the baby, just think about how much fun it will be to have an adorable baby around during the weekend of the wedding! 

Post # 13
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I think after the initial unease wears off, you’ll see how great this really is.  One of my best girlfriends is getting married a month or so before me, and it is SO much fun to be planning our weddings together!  Consider yourself lucky to have your best friend going through this at the same time– you have someone else to obsess with over all the crazy little details, and can learn from each other’s research, ideas, etc.  Plus, it saves us from driving all our other friends crazy with endless wedding chatter.  Good things all around!

Post # 14
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

A couple of my friends and I are all getting married this summer.  That means fun sharing of planning frustrations and ideas.  Of course, it helps that our weddings are different – a church wedding, a garden wedding, and a hotel ballroom wedding.  Each of our weddings will reflect who we are as unique individuals.  Enjoy sharing all the excitement (just try to coordinate dates and times for showers so baby and wedding showers are not on the same day, unless it’s something you want to share).

Post # 15
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I can understand your unhappiness of your friend getting engaged after you and married before you — but I don’t think it’s anything to get upset about. And, like I’ve seen mentioned in similar posts, you view her ceremony and reception and look for things that work and don’t work, and make your day EVEN BETTER!!!

And being angry about the baby, I guess i’m going to stick my neck and and say that that is a tad irrational.

I have a dear friend due to give birth within days of my wedding– and I’m thrilled! No person would seriously plan to get pregnant with the hopes of "stealing thunder" from someone getting married — so please try to not let the joy of this baby bother you.

No matter what, this gives you the opportunity to look at your wedding and these other events and decide whether it’s worth your time and energy to stress about them, or whether you should use that time and energy to get busy with your wedding!!!

Good luck! 

Post # 16
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Hey there.  I totally know the feeling.  Before I get into this post, let me start by saying that 08 was the year for weddings/babies in our family.  Our wedding was in June, my cousin’s was in March, and my hubby’s cousins (from two diff sides of the family) had weddings in both August and September!  Plus my other cousin was having a baby in early August.  It was a pretty eventful year to say the least.  None of those events seemed to bother me as much as my cousin’s wedding though.

My cousin had been dating her boyfriend (now hubby) for about 5 months before getting engaged a week before we "officially" became engaged– and we dated for 7 yrs!  I had planned for our wedding to be June 21, 2008 since it was exactly a year after our engagement.  She couldn’t decide on a date, and kept saying that she was going to have it about a week or two after ours.  Mind you, pretty much the same people were going to be at both events.  However, she finally decided to get married in March which caused even more issues for me because we had similar ideas, and I didn’t want her (or anyone else) to feel as if I were copying her wedding.  It was pretty stressful for me until her wedding was overwith, then I could focus more on our day instead of putting useless energy into worrying about what she or other family members were going to think.  I look back now and realize that it was so silly and petty, but it all comes with being an overwhelmed, stressed & emotional bride.  I don’t think you are being unreasonable, but I don’t think that you should stress about it either.  It is what it is.  Try to rise above the pettiness and focus on making your day the best that it can be.  Good Luck! 

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