Post # 1
Since we have been engaged since last year, there have been several ups and downs that have made me somewhat emotional about our wedding in May. My Fiance has a big family which mostly lives all in one town, and our guest list ended up around 150 which means we’re spending a significant amount on the wedding. All our deposits have been put down, venue is booked, and we’ve spent at this point around $3000 trying to pay everything off. Neither of us ever wanted a big wedding but it was important to us to be able to share the day with our close friends and rather large families.
I’ve spent a lot of time planning things to make sure the guests have the best time possible and don’t have to worry about anything given that they’re almost all from out of town- we booked a hotel block, arranged for transportation to and from the venue so they don’t have to drive, etc. Having said this, I just want that one day to be about celebrating me and my (future) husband’s marriage and having a good time.
First, a cousin got engaged and picked a relatively close day for her wedding before ours, knowing it would require the family to travel twice within 2 months. Not such a huge deal, even if she told everyone that she really wanted to get married in May if it weren’t for us. I got over it.
Then an extended family member decided to get married in May… in Ireland. She invited my grandparents straight away. They told her they were committed to attending our wedding, so no big deal. It still hurt my feelings though at the time.
My fiance’s brother and brother’s wife had a baby last May. This summer they announced to their family that they wanted to have another baby the same time next year because it was convenient for them to have the summer to stay home with a newborn. This was slightly irritating to me because his brother is the best man and certainly my fiance’s parents would want to be at the hospital with them if she were to go into labor… what if she did several days before or the day of the wedding?
Now we’ve found out that another family couple is expecting a baby in May.
I don’t want to sound selfish, or like life should just stop for everyone else because we’re having a wedding. I’m all for having babies and starting families. I’m just starting to feel like if the day isn’t important to everyone else like we thought it was, we shouldn’t have spent the money on a big venue and 150 guests. Am I being ridiculous here? Should we just start over and forfeit the money we’ve spent and have a small ceremony?
Post # 3
I think you’re getting a little over emotional. Remember that they’re not set out on ruining your wedding day and no one will think your wedding day is as important as you think it is. It’s important to you, every bride’s wedding day is important, but sometimes it’s just not as important to other people. You don’t need to cancel your wedding just because families want to have babies or having weddings. I think it was considerate of your cousin to not have her wedding the the same month as yours. Just plan your wedding and it is up to your guest to decide which funtions they can afford to go to and if they can’t make it to yours, well that’s one less mouth to feed. Don’t stress over the little things, just plan a fantastic wedding and have fun with it and don’t think about the what if’s.
Post # 4
I think it’s time for you to have a nice cup of tea and remember that you only get one day. You don’t get a week, month, or year. Just one day. And you can’t expect people to put their lives on hold for your one day. Breathe and relax. No one is trying to make your event any less important. Just remember that at the end of the day, you will be married.
Post # 5
I will tell it like it is: Yes, you are being ridiculous.
“I just don’t understand why it seems like everyone’s important life events all have to occur in conflict with our wedding.”
…Because your wedding isn’t that important. It’s important to YOU, and it should be, but it’s just not that big a deal to everyone else such that they are going to plan the birth of their children around it.
You’ve invited 150 guests? And so far, I count…4 people (2 couples) that might not make it because they might be pregnant/new parents. Instead of worrying about them, be happy about the 146 other guests that would love to join you in celebrating your marriage.
Post # 6
I think you can still have a wonderful day. My family had ALOT happen in a short time this year. Instead of getting upset that my sister upstaged my birthday and a huge work accomplishment by having a baby (geesh) we just had more to celebrate together as a family. Now it’s a year we’ll never forget–for a lot of reasons :-).
I bet your family will be there for you on your big day, unless there is a delivery or something bigger than a delivery. And if they aren’t, I bet they’ll want to be celebrating with you. If you haven’t sent our your invites, this might be an opportunity to cut the guest list down for your and you FI’s ideal number.
Post # 7
I agree with JennyW1. Your wedding is super important to you, fairly important to close friends and relatives, and just another get-together to people the further out they go. You can’t expect others to plan their lives around your wedding. They need to plan around their priorities- and your family members will simply have to choose what to attend.
Post # 8
Like I said, I don’t expect anyone to put their lives on hold for us. The issue with the couple having a baby is that they are planning to have her/him in May, and its my FI’s brother/best man. I don’t want to cancel the wedding totally, but I just think the stress of planning a wedding is causing me to overreact about these little non-issues that keep surprising me and consider getting married at city hall instead.
Please don’t be snarky about it, but I think the wedding should be important to the groom’s (immediate)FAMILY as well, considering how important they told us it was that we have a bigger wedding in the first place.
Post # 9
I don’t think you’re being ridiculous, but it IS important to keep perspective. I just found out that my brother’s Girlfriend is pregnant and her due date is June 22. My wedding is June 4 and he is also in the wedding. I was pretty upset at first but at the end of the day all that matters is that you’ll be married. If they’re not already pregnant maybe have your Fiance ask his brother if they’ve considered what would happen if she were to give birth on the wedding day.
Post # 10
You said it yourself “…but I just think the stress of planning a wedding is causing me to overreact”.
You are over reacting.
Post # 11
It doesn’t sound like anyone is being snarky, just answering your questions! Is anyone in your Fi’s family actually asking you to cahnge your date? If you have your deposits in I would just make sure now that everyone knows your date – maybe even send a pre-STD email reminder just to family – and go on about your planning. If the Best Man’s wife gets pregnant you’ll have to assume they know there is a possibility they (or just she) will have to miss the wedding and that is their decision. If she becomes pregnant, then you can definitely talk to the Best Man about his plans and either make someone else Best Man or just see what happens. The wedding party is one of those things tha the B&G notice more than the guests, as far as whether it is eve, or if someone is missing. It is easy to get caught up in all this stuff but just focus on the good things and it’ll all work out!
Post # 12
I’m with @JennyW1 – yes, you are being ridiculous.
Please understand – I’m not saying that to be snarky. You asked the question, I’m answering honestly. It’s just that you sound as if the world is conspiring against you, and it’s just not that bad.
There’s really not that much “conflict” with your wedding. Your cousin allowed two months between weddings, which was pretty generous given that she would have preferred the same month. That shouldn’t present a problem for most guests. Your grandparents declined the wedding in Ireland to attend yours. Yes, the baby could arrive on a day near the wedding, but that doesn’t mean your Future Brother-In-Law wouldn’t attend. And there’s a (very slim) chance that the baby could arrive ON your wedding day. But why would his parents choose to be at the hospital over their son’s wedding? That makes no sense, especially given that it’s not their first child.
Ask yourself this: What’s the absolute worst that could happen? It seems the worst is that your Future Brother-In-Law will not be able to be best man. That would suck for sure, but it’s certainly not tragic enough to scrap your wedding plans and go to the courthouse.
Are you sure there’s not something else going on? You say you didn’t really want a big wedding anyway – could you be looking for an excuse to make it a less elaborate affair? If so, acknowledge that. It’s not too late to pull back and make it a more intimate event, but do it because that’s what you want, not because you think your or his family doesn’t care!
Post # 13
I think that you should just focus on planning your wedding and not focus on everything else going on around you. Your Fiance’s brother’s wife probably isnt going to feel that your wedding is as important to her as having a baby at the time she feels is right to do so. And just because they are “planning” to have a baby in may doesnt mean they will actually have the baby in may, conceiving a baby isnt always that easy anyway and if she isnt noticably pregnant already then she may very likely have the baby later next summer after your wedding.
Post # 14
i completely understand what you mean here. Just remember, keep your cool 🙂 the last thing you want to do is loose it and get angry with someone for having a baby the same month you are getting married 🙂 hehe
I think most brides feel this way deep down but it is important to express your concerns in a safe place like on here or with close family. There is not much that could happen in May that could ruin or take away from your wedding day! I promise. 🙂
My grandmother actually passed away 3 days before our wedding. It was a very very difficult time. I was so sad about loosing my grandma and also worried about how it would affect my wedding…which made my feel awful thinking that. Of course I could not discuss my concerns with everyone (like my grandpa for example) but I was able to discuss it on here and also with my bridal party. It did affect my wedding (for example: my grandpa, and other immediate family did not attend the wedding) and we spent a few days of our honeymoon doing funerals and grieving over the lose of my grandmother. But it was not the end of the world for my wedding. My wedding day was still absolutely amazing and I know my grandma was there (in spirit) the whole time!
It will all work out! Focus on the positive and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane 🙂 You are not being selfish…you are being a bride! You get your one day…it is only fair 🙂
Post # 15
@redhedbride: I know exactly how you feel! From an objective point of view, it probably sounds a little ridiculous, yes. Being a fellow bride I can completely relate though. And its really, really hard to come to the realization that everyone may not care as much as you do, and as much as you would have hoped. The most important thing in the world is that you and your *husband* have a great time at your wedding, and that at the very least, your planning and hard work paid off for the two of you. I have gone back and forth so many times, threatening myself in my head that since it seems like no one cares, I might as well just have a really small ceremony and forget everyone else! The only person that it would hurt would be yourself, though. I feel like weddings bring out the best and worst in people alot of times, and this will definitely help you see who really does care, and whos just playing nice! Best of luck to you!