Post # 1
A little background. My FH has 2 adopted children they see there Mom once a week for 2 hours in a supervised visit. The visit’s are supervised by the state. It’s a weird situation. A long time ago he actually briefly dated the childrens mother then a few years later began doing foster care they just so happened to be his first foster children and have been with him almost 7 years now. So since he knew the kids mom he actually supervised the visits for awhile until I entered the picture almost 3 years ago. She is super crazy and for some reason HATES me. She started being super crazy and the state actually stopped the visits for a few months because it wasn’t healthy for the kids to see her. Now the state supervises the visits and under no circumstances is she allowed to see the kids without the case worker there. For some reason still not sure why my FH still allows her to call the kids on HIS phone. The kids have mental health issues so when she says certain things it sets them off that is why they are not allowed to speak to her or see her unsupervised. So today she calls them and he puts it on speaker she doesn’t know this. Immediatly she gets into saying things like “I’m renting Rango for our visit make sure (my name) doesn’t rent it first because she trys to be better then me. Also don’t eat I’m getting mexican I know (my name) fed you before you came last time because she knew I wanted to. Etc.” My FH never ended the conversation and let the kids continue to talk to her while she was saying rude things about me. I am actually a little offended. I really don’t think she needs to be calling at all! And this sounds bad but I have snooped before and seen he has had some few minute conversations with her when he was at work. Her kids were TAKEN away she legally is UNABLE to care for them. The state has even said she is toxic to there well being. Would this bother you? Would you be upset that he still lets her call? Also she can go threw the case worker to talk to the kids.
Post # 3
Yes, I would be very upset. Have you talked to him about why he allows her to undermine your relationship with his children? Because it doesn’t just hurt you; it hurts THEM if they feel caught between their bio mom and their stepmom. It prevents them from being able to fully bond to you. This is a big problem.
Post # 4
@mightywombat:We have only briefly spoke about it. But I have said before there is no reason she needs to be calling. With how the foster system works she shouldn’t know where we live or your phone number. He just laughs it off.
Post # 5
As a general rule when someone feels the need to ask if they’re being ridiculous I feel like the answer is probably going to be “yes,” but in this case I actually think NO.
On one hand families and kids are complicated. I’m sure he feels badly for the mother that her rights are so restricted and wants to be a nice person by letting her talk to them. But the big issue here seems to be that the state has deemed it inappropriate for her to talk to her kids without court supervision. He should respect that ruling.
What she is saying in itself doesn’t really surprise me because clearly she has issues and I’m sure she hates you for the sole reason that you get to be around her kids and she doesn’t. I’m sure she feels threatened by you and concerned that the kids will like you better than her and/or start to think of you as their mom. You’re her competition (in her eyes) and she’s a serious disadvantage not being able to see them hardly at all so she basically has to badmouth you to feel better about herself. Your Fiance really shouldn’t allow that if he *is* going to let her speak to them outside of their scheduled time… although I would guess its not that he agrees with her its just that he doesn’t want to get into a big fight with her.
Anyways, I think the bottom line is that you should talk to your Fiance about why he is disobeying court order by allowing her to call them.
Post # 5
From your last two threads I think there are bigger issues going on here. I think you need to take a step back and see if this is the best situation for you and you son. From everything that you have said this is not a healthy relationship, IMO only. I never say this, but I really think that you need to sit down and talk with a councilor to work out whether you want to keep the two of you in this situation.
Post # 6
You’re not being ridiculous. This is a big problem, even more so for the kids. How confusing for them. If she’s not supposed to be contacting the kids, then why is she calling? Whatever rules the state has put in place need to be enforced, for the benefit of everyone.
Post # 7
I think it’s simple: she’s mentally ill. He needs to cut off all communication. Sorry you are going through this — what a mess.