(Closed) Am I being ridiculous? Jealousy about our first home.. Please help!

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
8392 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t be cool with this either. Did he not even discuss it with you first? It’s only 2 weeks…I’d maybe offer to buy them some tickets to something or whatever so they can have some fun, but having her move in for 2 weeks is not an option.

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@future_mrs_s:  When I first started reading this I thought it was petty, but as I kept going I started to think about it and it would bother me very much as well. It’s YOUR home, just no. I would be honest and tell him: Hey babe, the other day you mentioned your sister moving in with you the week or two before the wedding. I don’t think I am comfortable with that, it sounds petty but it is going to be OUR home and I don’t want anyone else to share that with you before me. It just makes me uncomfortable, can please humor me about this and could we find another solution for whatever reason it is you want her to move in with you?

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s one week and it’s his sister.  While I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, I think you seriously need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture.  This is not a first world problem, and I would drop it like a bad habit.

ETA: Considering he’s excited, I don’t think there’s any good way to approach this.  I don’t think this will turn out well for you.

Post # 6
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Does he have a good reason why she has to live there? Or is it just ‘crashing in big brother’s new place’ fun? I don’t blame you. It’s one thing if its a necessity, like she’s in the area and doesn’t have money to get a hotel or something, but not for two weeks, and not in a new place!!

 

Moving is so stressful, not to mention wedding and honeymoon and also playing hostess. Unless its a dire situation, I’d say maybe one or two nights then gtfo sis!

Post # 7
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - old cheese factory

my Fiance and his sister are very close as well, and i wouldnt be ok with it. you need to be open with him about how you feel. i finally had to put my foot down on some of the stuff that was bothering me and it was hard to muster up the words. but that is YOUR first place as a couple. if she wants to stay with him have her stay with him at his old place the last night before he has to move out. but i agree buy them tickets so they can have one special day together but thats it. they’ve lived together for how many years? its your turn. if you cant tell i have some pent up frustrations on this subject myself. ugh i feel for you!

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I totally GET IT (surprised that there aren’t more Bees weighing in in your favour)…

Your first home as Newlyweds IS VERY SPECIAL… when all is NEW and Exciting… especially if you guys haven’t lived together before… and you’ll therefore be “setting up house” for the first time… unwrapping new things, filling up your closets, enjoying NEW Pots & Pans, Dishes, Towels, Sheets etc. 

So I agree the two of you should be allowed some time to enjoy that without outsiders (there is plenty of time for visits in the future… maybe after you guys get settled, in a month or two she could come for a weekend?)

I think you need to sit him down and explain it all to him… and what it means to you (nothing wrong with being sentimental)… tell him you’ve waited your WHOLE LIFE to move in with the Man you LOVE and marry, to be HIS Wife … and enjoy all the great things that come with those NEW things, feelings and memories.

As much as you like / love his little sister, this is YOUR Nest / YOUR Marital Home (the two of you)… and as such there needs some boundaries drawn on what that means… it ain’t no Parent’s Basement, College Dorm… or Bachelor Pad.  This is a whole different ball of wax.

(Ya know it could very well be a “guy thing”… he just doesn’t GET how much this matters to you… you need to let him know… he’ll probably understand)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

@This Time Round:  +1

I also 100% get you OP. I wouldn’t like this either, I don’t know if this is quite how you’re feeling, but I know in your shoes I would feel like it wasn’t my home if she was there. Like it’s her and his space, not yours. Which is totally not how it should be. This is so exciting for you, you should really enjoy it!

Talk to him, explain how you feel, but be prepared to change your mind if it’s important to him. Don’t go into the conversation with a set attitude. Because it is his sister, and I can see his point of view too.

Post # 10
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@future_mrs_s:  I definately get where you are coming from. And, I would probably feel the exact same way, actually, I kow that I would feel the same way. I would just talk to you Fiance and explain it exactly how you did to us. Hopefully he understands where you are coming from. Good luck! Keep us updated.

 

@This Time Round:  +1

Post # 11
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@future_mrs_s:  we are wedding twins! we did the same; Fiance moved in at the beginning of April and I will after the wedding/honeymoon fun. But just NO- not okay for her to live there before you. Just strange in my opinion, I would not be okay with that.

Please talk to him and tell him how much this bothers you and your reasoning. It’s your nest. And is it a one bedroom? Will she be sleeping in your bed? Strange!!!!

 

Post # 12
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with you. I think, however, that I’d be more upset that he didn’t discuss this with you further. I completely understand your reasoning, and totally get it. But I think the bigger issue for me is that he’s moving into the place and acting like it is all his. The apartment is both of yours! Yes, you aren’t moving in for 1-2 weeks because of logistics, but this new apartment is for both of you. Meaning there should be agreed upon rules or at least a general understanding of how things will work. It seems to me that he is disrespecting your input and making decisions that both of you should be making. 

When you talk to him, take this approach. Don’t really make it about his sister, or how she is a slob or not to be trusted with your new dishes. That sounds petty. The underlying issue seems to be his lack of respect for your mutual apartment. 

Post # 13
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@This Time Round:  it ain’t no Parent’s Basement, College Dorm… or Bachelor Pad

I dont know why but this made me LOL. at first I was prepared to disagree with the OP but reading that she’s disrespectful I think you should definitely talk to your FH.

Post # 14
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@future_mrs_s:  how long is she staying? And is there a reason why she needs to stay with him instead of a hotel?

at the same time, I get what you’re saying. If the person was a friend, i would have totally asked them to find a hotel.

but she’ll be your Future Sister-In-Law, your family. I don’t know if you want to start of the wrong way with her?

Post # 15
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why exactly does she need to stay with him?

Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is.  Even with your analogy of wanting to wear an outfit first before lending it to someone, I wouldn’t care about that either.  You say you want your husbands first memories of the home to be living there with you, but even if his sister doesn’t move in his first memories will be of him living there by himself…

I don’t know what your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law is like, but from your description it doesn’t sound as if you like her very much.  Your post kind of had the feeling of “I don’t want to share my toys”.  If it really bothers you so much just be honest with your Fiance, but be careful how you approach it because he sounds like he wants that time with his sister.

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