(Closed) Am I being ridiculous? Jealousy about our first home.. Please help!

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 17
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

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@future_mrs_s:  This info changes my opinion. I thought that maybe she was coming early for the wedding and needed a place to stay. But she lives 15 minutes away?! No way she should be staying there. I feel like they’ll be turning the apartment into some party venue where they don’t care about cleaning and responsibilities, like taking one/two weeks “off” from life. 

On the other hand, I promise you that you will NOT care that she stayed there after you move in together. 

Talk to him.

 

Post # 19
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@future_mrs_s:  I would totally be annoyed if she’s 15 minutes away and irresponsible! Why doesn’t she just stay over for a night or two? Not LIVE there before you! I think that’s a reasonable ask.

Post # 20
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Aside from the emotional aspects, the logistics are awkward. Are you to come over there, unpack, organize, etc while his sister watches? The way a house is set up is personal, and I don’t like having anyone help me who doesn’t like things as organized as I do. this Would bother me. Also, your Fiance needs to realize that this is your home, and he is no longer a bachelor. Decisions are made jointly, not announced:-) 

if she wants to spend the night one night as a last sis bro blow out, that’s cool. But living there? Before you do, while you are moving in? Hahahahahgaah. Men are so clueless. Ask him if he wants your brother organizing, using his tools and car stuff before he moves in, while he’s gone. I bet not.

you’re going to have to be careful about this, and not make it about his sister being a slob, etc. I would just say that I think he forgot how much will be going on, and how this is your chance as a couple to begin your life. Good luck! 

Post # 21
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I completely understand why this would not sit right with you. It’s super exciting that you are waiting to live together until you’re married, so of course you would it to be as special as possible! I would just explain how you are feeling to your Fiance. Maybe suggest she just stay one night with him and they can have a fun time, and then after that she should go…! I don’t know why she needs to stay for a week or two. 

Post # 22
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldnt say yes to that.

your first home is special and this sounds cheesy but using all your new plates and pots and pans together is too.

why is she living with him in a 1 bedroom? That seems really weird to me. For such a short period of time? Would she have the common sense to move out before you get back from your honeymoon? She’ll have keys to your place??

 

you shouldn’t be nervous to talk to your Fiance about this though. You’re a team and decisions need to be made together, he’s not a dictator. If you don’t like it (and no one here can judge you for having your own opinion) then say so!!

Post # 23
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t be okay with this either.  We were in the same situation and hubs moved in before the wedding so he’d be closer to work.  It was his “bachelor pad” until I moved in but I had a key and could come anytime I wanted to.  And his bachelor pad was quickly full of photos of us and decorative towels lmao.  I kept moving things over so it was never completely his.  I would have felt weird about having someone live there with him before I got the chance.  I think your feelings are normal and I’d just talk it over with him.  

 

Post # 24
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why is he moving in two weeks before? For me I wouldn’t even want him there if this is truely going to be your first place together. I wouldn’t want him to move in, putting stuff all over the place. Haha

Post # 26
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@future_mrs_s:  don’t worry, we all panic, glad it worked out fine.

Post # 27
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

He sounds so sweet, good luck to you on your exciting adventure! No worries about misunderstanding, it happens to us all. A good lesson to be clear with our loved ones before we jump the gun (speaking to myself here, lol). 

Post # 28
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@minipenguin:  oh man this exactly! 

I’m glad this wasn’t necessary though and that it was going to be just for a night or two :] a night for two that is fast approaching date twin!!!

Post # 29
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I completely understand your feelings. I am the exact same way with my clothes and even with the brand new bridal magazine my mom bought me when I got engaged two weeks ago and some lady at work grabbed it and looked through the entire thing. Ahahah so I definitely get it.

I think maybe the best way to word it would be to tell him that you really just can’t wait for your first nights in your nest together. Sometimes with guys you have to just keep subtly saying the positive that you’d LIKE to happen instead of talking about what you DON’T want to happen. Just explain to him that you were so excited about living togther AFTER you were married that you were willing to not move in at the same time and how it’s just really really important to you that it’s your MARRIED home together– just the two of you. Maybe say that the words “So excited for her to live here with me” sort of hurt your feelnigs because you wanted that sentence to be about YOU and nobody else because, in your mind, that’s how you saw the situation panning out.

Post # 30
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@future_mrs_s:  Oh Phew! Just saw your post! Glad it worked out =)

Post # 31
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@future_mrs_s:  so glad it worked out!!! 

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