- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I really do love my friend, she’s almost the complete opposite of me in so many ways but generally, we’re really similar. She’s like the sister I wish I had, most of the time. She’s always had issues and I’ve always tried to be as understanding and accomodating as I can be because she has been diagnosed as bipolar and an adult child of an addict. My area of study is psychology so while I can’t know exactly what she’s going through, I do have a good idea. The medications are rough, therapy can be expensive, and it can take years to gain some sense of control again. It isn’t right but, I do roll my eyes when I have to cancel on her and she gets upset and tells me that she’d never blow me off even though she does all the time. Regardless, we’ve been best friends for about 8 years now.
We had a month long fall out during the spring semester when her rumination pattern was resulting in her texting me every 2 minutes the entire week of finals. I asked her to contact her therapist and that as soon as finals were over, I’d be able to talk about things other than school. She ignored that request and texted me the entire morning of my final which resulted in the repeated dropping of an important phone call. I finally texted her back and basically yelled about how she needed to stop and that I really would get back to her after finals week. We didn’t talk for an entire month. Slowly we got back together but it’s still been strained because she now thinks that I don’t care about her problems even though that’s kind of 90% of our conversations.
Now it’s been decided between my boyfriend and I that I will move in with him (he’s in/from NZ and I’m from in/from NY) at the end of this school year (May 30th, 2013 is my move date so there’s about 39 weeks left until I leave). Something that’s hard on those around me as well as myself. Fall semester classes have started and I’m taking classes only on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11 in the morning until 9:30 at night and I tend to be working on homework/studying on Wednesdays. I had told her that maybe Wednesday the first week I could hang out with her but that it depended on how much work I had to do, which in hindsight was probably a bad idea to even say maybe. So yesterday I spent the entire day with my mom and sister for my mom’s birthday and when I went to check the time on my phone while I was waiting for them to be ready to head back home I got the following text: “You realize that you just started school again and you leave in the spring and then we’ll never see each other again right?” I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make her start yelling at me again so instead, I said nothing. It was 1 AM and I was pretty confident she wouldn’t appreciate an early morning phone call to discuss something that should be done in person. I text her this morning and ask when she’s free and I thought a few activities would be fun to do together and instead of a “no thanks” or “i’m busy” or anything I get: “Sorry. I would love to. But I really tried to get together with you on my night off. I work X to X then I’m doing X with X and then the next night I’m doing X with X and then I have X on X and then we have our social group meeting (she and I both attend this) and then it starts all over.”
These are my own thoughts and feelings and maybe it’s not accurate but it feels like she can’t be happy for me and that she doesn’t understand. I don’t want her to be unhappy or anything but I feel like it’s my life and I’m doing something that I’ve thought out. My SO and I have been together for 7 years and he plans on proposing while he and his parents are up here for my graduation and to help me get moved to NZ and into his house. We even have a tentative date set for a wedding and he and I have been doing some wedding research. I’m graduating with my B.S in Psychology and have a conditional acceptance to a university in NZ and things are finally coming together and looking up for me. As my friend, I feel as though she should be happy that I’m beginning a life with the man I love and pursuing a career that I’ve worked hard for. Instead all she does is focus on things like: “What if you and he break up?”, “What if he ends up being abusive?”, “You’re going to be so lonely there”, “I think it’s stupid”, “I’m really upset that I can’t be at/in your wedding if you get married in NZ. You should just get married here.”, etc. Am I wrong to be upset with her? I could understand if she mentions it once but not repeatedly. It’s like she won’t be happy unless I stay exactly where I am for her.
That’s the end of my vent for now and hopefully at least until the end of the semester. Thanks for listening!