(Closed) Am I being ridiculous to be upset over proposal?

posted 5 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
5469 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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Sweetcece :  great idea. Ask for a surprise proposal atleast.

Post # 32
Member
961 posts
Busy bee

Disney proposals are overrated and I’m from NYC …they happen all the time. Everyone has the same Time Sqaure, Brooklyn Bridge Xmas Tree or NYE proposal story. 

The simple proposals can be the best proposals. Especially if you have a great man. I’ve been to 6 figure weddings and the nicest most romantic wedding I’ve ever seen pictures of was from the bee on here who posted pics from San Francisco City Hall Ceremony! Her pictures were stunning! 

If Disney is important do a honeymoon there and have a dream honeymoon. 

Post # 33
Member
4033 posts
Honey bee

It amazes me that so many posters who shout “abuse” at the drop of the hat, are so incredibly dismissive of the OP’s feelings. 

OP, I understand the disappointment in your now very practical engagement and wedding. I’m sure you understand the big picture is a good one, and that’s why you’re willing to sacrifice the picture you had in your mind. I agree with others that you can still do something romantic or have the big wedding you want, after the courthouse ceremony. The courthouse wedding can also be sweet and romantic and special. You just have to look at the cards you were dealt and work with them. Congratulations! 

Post # 34
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

My husband and I got engaged before we got the ring and then later we did a proposal. I kind of wonder if you could do your wedding and engagement completely out of order? You’re headed to the US where no one one knows you, so get married and then when you get there don’t wear a ring. 

Then sometime after you’ve moved he can surprise you with a gorgeous ring. At the top of the statue of Liberty if you want, or Disney or Times Square (these are not my personal favorite bits of my country but you do you) and you can be “engaged” for however long you want in the US with your new friends and coworkers. And when you go back to the uk to see you family throw a wedding celebration with dinner and dancing and speeches. Then you can add a wedding ring and basically get everything you want 

Post # 35
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

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melanie567 :  I know EXACTLY how you feel! You are not wrong at all to feel the way you do. We know how grateful we are for our fiance’s, but its honestly painful whenever someone asks how he proposed and I have to lie and make up a grand story that I wish were true. Honestly, you’re lucky that you don’t have your ring yet and I do; bc you still have time to tell him that you still want a grand, surprise proposal! I knew that mine had bought a ring already and I was just so impatient that ours too was just a simple conversation; no pictures, no getting down on one knee; then I have to watch my freaking rich cousin post her fancy story about how he did it from a lighthouse with the whole family watching -_- unbelievable, how many hints do we have to drop for men to get it right!!

Post # 36
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I know this is an old thread, but I wanted to reply, because I feel quite differently than most of the posters.  I understand how you feel, and think you are well within your right to feel that way.  When you talk about your dream proposal or your dream wedding, I think the details and examples you give are less important than the underlying message: You want to feel special.  You want to feel like you are worth going to that effort for.  You want to feel like you got married for love, not for convenince, and these gestures are connected to that display of love.  That doesn’t mean that your fiance doesn’t love you because he hasn’t given you everything you hope for, but it is entirely possible for him to love you completely while not demonstrating it in ways you hope for or that validate you.

My advice would be to talk to your fiancee and explain how you are feeling.  I think one way to approach this would be to acknowledge that the straight forward decision in the kitchen and the courthouse wedding make sense for practical reasons, and you think those should still happen, but be honest that the romantic proposal and big celebration are something you’ve thought about for a long time, and you’d appreciate if in the short term you did the practical stuff that needs to happen for emmigration, but in the long term also worked towards a bigger celebration of your love.

I will say, I think there is maybe a middle ground between your fantasies and your reality that may make you come off as less bratty during such a conversation.  For example, instead of a clinical conversation over cold mexican food, would it have satisfied you if your fiance had still proposed in the kitchen, but maybe lit some candles, said some meaningful words, and got down on one knee with a ring?  That’s the middle ground that would give you that validation you are seeking, while taking the emphasis off of grandure and expense.  Why is the castle wedding important to you?  Is it about the castle, or is it about having more of your family and friends celebrate with you in a way that is really personalized, with the opportunity for the celebration to include more of a reception/party/celebration?  Many couples have courthouse weddings for practical reasons, but then have a second, more elaborate ceremony and reception later.  Would that be an option for you?

Post # 37
Hostess
2405 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Closing this old thread 

The topic ‘Am I being ridiculous to be upset over proposal?’ is closed to new replies.

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