(Closed) Am I being ridiculous? (very long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@sealevels:  Meh my SO gets annoyed when I wear a ring I have worn for ten years on that finger. He thinks I should only wear his “promise ring” . I told him the only ring I think you shouldn’t take off is a wedding/e-ring. Until I have one of those I can wear whatever I like whereever I like.

Then again I am stuburn and willful so he wasn’t surprised by any of this =0) I am currently sporting a v-day gift from my father a few years back on my ring finger.

Post # 5
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

His anger at you wearing a ring is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.  Just tell him to grow up.  In fact, you probably want him to mature more before he even asks you to marry him.

Post # 8
9888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sealevels:   I think it’s kind of cute that he wants to reserve “that finger” for his future engagement ring for you.  But I also understand why you want to wear rings on that finger, or any fingers for that matter.  I’m a jewelry kind of girl and when I was single I was like you, I wore rings on any finger the ring I liked would fit me.  I didn’t care if it was “that” finger or not, it was just jewelry to me.

It seems like you two worked it all out now, so that’s good.  I can see both your points of view and it seems you see each other’s now, too.

Post # 9
482 posts
Helper bee

well you couldve handled it a bit better but he has no claim over what you can wear on that finger.  ive done something similar but not for your reasons, i did it as an experiment just to see if he would mention the ring on my finger. my mom gave me an old anniversary ring my dad gave her decades ago, and i started wearing it on my ring finger. sure enough he asked right away, where the ring came from, and why was i wearing it, ha! 

Post # 10
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would not have worn any ring on ‘that’ finger, especially if it look like an engagement ring at all, but that’s jsut me.  To me, that finger is for engagement and/or wedding ring only so I can see where he’s coming from.  Maybe he feels even more pressure if people start thinking you’re engaged since you have a ring there and he’s no comfortable with that. 

Post # 11
4057 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@pinkshoes:  That

Guys view these things differently than we do. Your left ring finger to them is reserved for an engagement/wedding ring and that is it. If you start wearing other rings there, they take it as 1) pressure/blantant hinting that they are lacking and need to propose or 2) that other people will think you are engaged and that is the ring he got you and it’s not good enough.

Putting a ring on it is one of the biggest things for a guy. It means A LOT to them

Post # 12
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I say it is your hand, your finger(s), your money that you spent, therefore your choice.

However, I can also say that *most* men would be a tad uncomfortable if the ring you chose to wear on that finger could be mistaken for an engagement ring.  If it were costume jewelry that absolutely would not be mistaken, and they get angry because it is ‘their finger’ to decorate, then I say tell him to pound salt!

You ‘reseve’ this finger when you put a ring on it! 

Regardless, I cannot imagine it is something to fight about, or get angry about. 

Post # 13
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sealevels:  Hope I didn’t upset you.  If you wearing the rings upsets him that much then I just wouldn’t wear them.  Go ahead and find a ring that fits your middle finger or your right hand.  🙂

ETA…and try not to let the small things like this get to you.  In the grand scheme of things fighting about costume jewelry doesn’t benefit either of you.  Use these small things to work on your communication now.  If you can work through the small things it will be easier to tackle bigger issues in the future.  🙂

Post # 14
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sealevels:  I think you’ve about nailed it…he is just sorry he hasn’t gotten you what he wants to see on that finger and what you really want on that finger. Not much you can really do, really..I guess you just either continue to wear your costume rings because you like them and want to wear them, or you just put them in your jewelry box as a compromise. That was sweet of him to apologize and put them back on your finger.

Post # 15
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think he probably overreacted, but I can understand his point.  It sounds like you are definitely pressuring him about getting engaged – and then buying a ring to put on your ring finger, and staring at it a bunch as you’re having your relationship/engagement talk?  I’d try to back off for a while – you can’t drag someone along into wanting to get married right now.  

As for the actual ring, of course you have the right to wear any ring on any finger.  But I think he probably sees it – and in particular the wearing and staring in the middle of your engagement talk!!!! – as a non-so-subtle form of pressure, and that’s why he reacted weirdly.

Post # 16
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you can wear whatever jewelry whenever and however you’d like, regardless of marital status. It’s JUST jewelry. Metal with some stones in it. That’s it. People need to stop taking it so seriously.

I think you could have handled it a bit better… I could totally see your SO posting something saying “Am I in the wrong here?” and word this exact story in a way that would give you the bad light. Still, he has to get over what jewelry you decide to wear. That is silly. 

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