(Closed) Am I being rude? Don’t want to invite FBIL’s girlfriend

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with Oribel013690:.  If you didn’t invite her, you’re welcoming more drama into your life than what it’s worth.  I understand where you’re coming from though, my Future Brother-In-Law started dating a woman almost twice his age after knowing her for 48 hours, moved to TX with her and her son (that is ONE year younger than he is), and only sparingly calls his mother to let her know he’s still alive.  Talk about drama…And although it’s against our better judgement, my Fiance and I will be sending all three of them an invite.

Good luck, hun.  Sibling problems are the worst…but as Oribel013690 said, “…if she starts to act inappropriately you can have her butt hauled out of there,” which is EXACTLY what I’d be doing (and plan on doing)!

Post # 32
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

Not worth the hassle. I’d invite her and hope for the best. She probably said what she said to make a statement or raise hackles. I doubt a 22year old college student would ACTUALLY moon anyone at a wedding, talkless of one he is in and his brother’s wedding to boot. Just invite her and get it over and done with. You don’t want extra drama at your wedding. And with 70ppl there, you might not notice her 🙂

Post # 33
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would just talk to her.. and invite her.

Post # 35
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Technically she should probably be invited but I totally understand where you are coming from too.

Personal story: We had a small-ish (about 100 person) wedding. My now-BIL had a girlfriend at the time who we didn’t know and who knew nothing about us. My Mother-In-Law invited her without really discussing any of it with us. She came down, looked kind of miserable, and took part in some family photos (not the formal ones at the church). They were engaged shortly after. Then they broke off their engagement a few weeks before their wedding and no longer speak.

Is your wedding in the same city where his family lives? If not, that could work in your favor.

Post # 36
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think etiquette says you have to invite her because she’s been with him for 9 months.  And the last time I thought mooning was funny was when I was 12, definitely not at 22.  My concern would be that if she does come, she will drink more because she will be uncomfortable and she won’t have anyone to talk to.  She obviously doesn’t want to get to know anyone, so she will just sit at a table and drink by herself until her boyfriend is finished with his duties.  Then, when he is with her, she’ll start to act crazy drunk. 

If no one else in the wedding party is getting a plus one, then why is he so special??  If I were in your wedding party and didn’t get a plus one, but he did and she acts like that, I would be pretty hurt and angry. 

If your Mother-In-Law insists she come, tell her she can pay for it.  It drives me nuts when people want others invited and insist they are invited, but aren’t contributing anything to the wedding.  Like everyone has extra money lying around for their friends. 

Post # 37
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you have to invite her. It sucks that you don’t like her and that she’s immature, but your Future Brother-In-Law seems to be serious about her.

Post # 38
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t invite her. Maybe I’m not the queen of etiquette, but if you feel uncomfortable with the idea of someone being at your celebration, then they don’t need to be there. It isn’t a Christmas party, it is you wedding. She will most likely end up in photos, and if she does act up, the memories will NEVER go away. Your Future Mother-In-Law will get over it eventually. I think the situation would be very different if they were engaged or more serious. Meeting the family twice, IMO does not have any indicator on receiving an invite or not. If anyone gives you grief about +1’s, tell them because of the nature of your small wedding, you are not allowing +1’s in order to have an intimate affair. Good luck.

Post # 39
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

How would you feel if you were in her place and didn’t get invited to your SO’s brother’s wedding when you’d been dating for nine months?  How would your FH feel if he had been dating you for nine months and his brother didn’t invite you his wedding? 

I think that if you would feel hurt if someone didn’t invite you in that situation, that you need to invite her.

This woman could end up being your SIL sometime in the future, and you can almost guarantee that it will always be a point of contention that she wasn’t invited if she ends up marrying becoming part of your family… 

Try giving her something small to do at the wedding so she feels a part of it, and that might make her feel more inclined not to act up at the wedding or the reception. 

Post # 40
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If 2 months is a record for him right now, maybe she won’t be around in October.  Give him a +1 and have Fi speak to him before the wedding.

Good luck!

Post # 41
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think you either should or can avoid inviting his Girlfriend. This is who he has chosen and he is blood, so you have to accept her you have no choice. You won’t be able to control how people behave at your wedding so try to get used to that idea sooner rather than later. And I wouldn’t even mention not inviting her again becaue she is going to come at the end of the day and you don’t want her knowing that you were trying to boycott her.

Post # 42
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

@MrsLongcoatPeacoat:  They’ve been dating 9 months–not two. 

Post # 43
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@greenmint: Did she tell you she didn’t want to be FB friends and get to know the family, or did FBIL? If it was Future Brother-In-Law, my guess is it is because he doesn’t want his family in his romantic business. If it was her who said it, well, I would delete her from the guest list.

Post # 45
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ah, okay, 9 months, sorry.  You still said that was a record.  If they’re still together by your wedding, that should be even more of a record… does that make sense?  Maybe by then they will be more mature, or at least open to a discussion.

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