(Closed) Am I being rude? Don’t want to invite FBIL’s girlfriend

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

@greenmint:  I think it would make her feel even more awkward if she wasn’t invited… Nothing like excluding someone from a family event to make them feel even less welcome. I know if I was not invited to a wedding for someone in my boyfriend of nine month’s family, I’d feel very unwelcome and would feel even less like putting in an effort to get to friendly with anyone in his family… 

You don’t have to be best friends with her, but if this is a record long relationship for you Future Brother-In-Law, you should consider that she is very important to him and consider the fact that he probably already considers her part of his family. 

Post # 47
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You have to remember that Future Mother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law, & other FBIL’s sound like reasonable people – they would also not allow or be fond of “shaenanigans” at the wedding… doesn’t sound like it would just be you against the world — I highly doubt they’d be egging on a “mooning session”.  Sounds like they are tasteful people, don’t let one younger/immature person dictate the thoughts of your entire wedding. 

Sounds like you have to invite her, remember that the wedding they went to previously is probably all people their age. This wedding will be much different.  It’s YOUR family and friends.  Everything will work out, don’t stress about it — there are so many other things to worry about!

ETA: Also, besides – your wedding is still 4+ months away, you never know what will happen with them (not that I’m suggesting anything).  Just do the right thing now and if they are still together when invites go out, include her.  Again, don’t stress too much.  Remember you are older (maturity) and wiser!

Post # 48
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

  just have a limit on the amount of drinks you are allow to have,  limited to 3 tops and problem solved! i doubt it that he will pay to get drunk! lol  if not an option, call him directly, say that you would love to see her there, but i would appreciate if she or hm doestn behave like that.  good luck1

Post # 49
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@greenmint: I think you should invite her. That way, you are doing what is right by etiquette and if she acts out at the wedding, you can just smile “I told ya so” at Future Mother-In-Law. Perhaps you can assign someone to keep an eye on her and the youngest brother or check in with your venue’s policy regarding cutting people off drinks, liability and all that, so that it is their responsibility to keep an eye on her, too. I’m betting the “sooooooo drunk” is sooooo exaggerated. 😉 Hang in there.

Post # 50
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I say no, you don’t have to invite her. None of the others are getting +1s, you have legitimate concerns about her behavior at your party (if you’re paying, you can invite or not invite whomever you and your Fiance choose), it’s a small, intimate, 60-person wedding, and you don’t know her that well. It sounds like you’ve only met the girl twice. Have your Fiance take his brother out to lunch or something and explain the situation to him (maybe leave out the woo-hoo let’s get drunk part).

Post # 51
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should invite her, and leave it up to her to make the decision to come. Also, if you choose not to invite her it will paint you as the bad guy and might ultimately create more drama than if she were to actually go.

Post # 52
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you don’t feel comfortable inviting her, just let your Fiance know that. My husband and I are planning our wedding and the rule for plus one’s is that 1. You have to either have been together a year. 2. live together or 3. have a child together. If she doesn’t fall into any of the rules you’ve set up for plus ones then she’s out.

Post # 53
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, you’re being really rude.

Post # 54
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My rule of thumb is, you always invite that person and their guest.  Unless you know they are not seeing anyone.  Ask the reception location to kick her out if she gets out of hand.  We are doing that for my FI’s stepfather. 

Post # 55
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Invite but maybe be prepared if she acts up.

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