Post # 1
hello ladies , so long story short, me and husband are going to start trying for a family next month , and my bff is getting married in may . i am also her moh . recently when ive even attempted to mention ttc i get negative reaction from her , she wants to get drunk with me on her bacherlorette night and the wedding. its making me feel really awkward as i dont want to ruin her day/plans its just bad timing.
im really feeling selfish right now and bit upset by it all really , husband says not to worry but i feel really guilty for some reason 🙁
also she has pcos and is convinced she wont be able to have children after the age of 25 which makes me feel bad even more thinking about howd shed feel if we got preg before her wedding ?
just needed somewhere to vent just feel kinda awkward about the whole thing !!
Post # 3
I definitely don’t think you’re selfish for wanting to start trying now. You may not even be pregnant by May! Don’t feel guilty for living your life, she may be a bit disappointed if you get pregnant, but a real friend will come around.
Post # 4
Live your life and don’t worry about what other people have to say. You can’t make huge life decisions, like when to have a baby, based on other people’s life decisions.
Post # 5
If she wants to get drunk, why would it matter if you were preggo?? 😛 Even if you DID get pregnant next month, you’d only be a few months along by the time of the wedding, and it’s not like you’d have a basketball already 😉
You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to start your family. It sounds like jealous and selfishness on her part. You’re not selfish for wanting kids with your husband. 🙂
Post # 6
she is being selfish for wanting you to change your life plans for her!
Post # 7
thankyou , i guess im just more afraid ill really upset her or take away any attention from her planning cos i certainly wouldnt want that !
Post # 8
@Isla2013: Nope. Not even a little bit. There are some things that a bride can expect from her bridal party. Putting off pregnancy is not, nor should it ever be, one of those things. Its a shame she’s not excited for you. And there is nothing about PCOS that means your uterus turns off at a specific age, so her resentment sounds ill-informed. If she can’t enjoy the company of her friends and celebrate without drinking, the problem is hers, not yours!! And good luck with the baby making 😉
Post # 9
@Isla2013: Oh no girl, don’t feel guilty, you are doing nothing wrong, if anything i think she is being a bit selfish, you should live your life reagardless what her plans are, if she is a true friend, she will be happy and supportive, not the other way around…you are obv happy for her and you will be there and if you dont drink when she gets married is not the end of the world, so you drink after you give birth, big deal, alcohol is not going anywhere….dont feel guilty, your hubby is right
Post # 10
@BartenderPlease: Exactly this. And research actually suggests that women with PCOS may actually be fertile for *longer* than women who don’t have it!
OP, your friend is being totally unreasonable. Family planning is solely between you and your husband – friends don’t get veto power over your reproductive choices. You definitely should not feel guilty at all!
Post # 11
I’m with PP… you go along with YOUR life plans as YOU wish. Unless you want to wait until after her wedding or whatever other reason, that decision is solely up to you and your husband, without external influence.
Post # 12
I can see her feeling a little badly inside that maybe her events won’t be as expected (ie. you two drinking together) but she should never have expressed this to you or suggested you wait to start a family.
Do what is right for you and your DH, start a family whenever you want. She will realize after she is married that those evens while important to her now, will not seem so life altering later (especially to people besides her and FI).
Post # 13
@Isla2013: It is so not selfish of you to want to try for a family. She cannot ask you to put your life on hold for one night of drinking, that is so unfair! She is being selfish to ask that of you. Remind her that you will still be there for her in every step of the way and being pregnant will not change how good of a maid of honor you are. Also tell her all the benefits of having a pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor – show her cute pictures that you guys can take.
My BFF is getting married in July and she wants me to get pregnant SO badly – she is constantly sending me pinterest pics of pregnant BM’s with the bride and things like that. I’m sure your friend will come around!!! =)
Post # 14
Wow ladies , so so supportive , this is what places like this are great for ! Thankyou you’ve all really helped me think more clearly, I feel much more at peace 🙂
Post # 15
@Isla2013: I feel bad that you feel bad! I’m the same type of person, so I understand. BUT you are in NO way being selfish. She’s the one being selfish. I’m so sorry you feel like this. Hopefully she’ll come around soon and realize that your family is more important than getting drunk 🙂
Post # 16
You are definitely NOT selfish. You have every right to TTC and get pregnant, should it happen before May. She can’t ask you to put your life on hold for her…..you can still go out and have a good time!! 🙂 Just without drinking.