Post # 1
I posted last week that a dear friend was beaten (almost to death), and found in a gutter by some passerby. I have spent this whole last week reeling over this brutal attack. I have spoken with the detectives, as I was out having cocktails with him and my fiance earlier that evening. I have been just sad all week, every thought comes back to my friend, who is still in a coma, and fighting for his life. I have tried to, with no luck in contacting his family, so I can at least go an see him. And this has been so frustrating, because there is a very good possiblity he won’t make it. And it is important that I see him so I can say goodbye if need be. A final note on my friend. The injuries are so vicious and severe, that even if he does recover. The chances of his being anything of who he was before are slim. I am talking both the physical damage, and more concerning to me the brain injuries. I am sad. I miss my friend. I don’t know what to do.
But on the other hand. And this is where I start feeling a little selfish. I just want to plan my wedding. I have been engaged to my best friend for (((((4 YEARS))))), and somehow, something always seems to take presicence over us getting married. And as selfish as it sounds, I just want to be married ALREADY!!
So this is my question. Am I failing my friend if I continue on with my plans? I feel like I would be neglecting a friend who desperately needs all the help he can get. I don’t know what to do.
Also, if you could send prayers for him. That would be great. Please help bees!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
Here’s a question: Do you think this friend would want you to stop your life? Your friend would want you to be happy, right?
If something happened to me, I wouldn’t want my friends to stop their lives or mourn for a designated period of time. I try to live my life and be a good friend in such a way that I will be missed, (because it means I loved them 🙂 ) but I would NEVER want their lives to stop. I want them to be happy. Them being happy and continuing to love and get joy out of life would be the best way to honor my memory.
You can do both: plan your wedding and take time out every now and then to visit him. And if you are having trouble getting in to see, maybe you could write a note and have a nurse or doctor read it to him? I know they are busy but maybe they could spare a few moments….
I am so so sorry this happened to your friend. How heartbreaking 🙁 I will send prayers his way <3
Post # 4
Your poor Friend! My God I hope they find out who did this! Are there any leads or speculation why this happened?
To answer your question, I don’t think you should put off planning your wedding- it would be a good distraction from the greif and icky- ness you’re feeling. I prob would avoid gushing over details for a while tho as that would be especially odd and would seem like you don’t care about your friend .
As for contacting your friends family and asking to come see him – Stop That! They are in a wicked amount of greif and pain and I’m sure they don’t wish any ill towards you but they don’t want anyone outside of immediate family there. It’s about their family right now. Its about preserving Their sons dignity. Most people wouldn’t want to be seen in a state as he’s in and they are trying to protect him. Write your friend a letter, go for a walk in a park or on a beach, pray to to him.. Your friend knows you care.
Post # 5
@Sunnyday278: You know, I would not want anyone to stop the world for me, EVER. Thank you so much for the reinforeement. Unfortunately, the information is slow to come forth from the hospital. Due to the vicisous-ness of the attack and and severity of injury he is not even in the computer at the hospital, nobody can get the information from the front desk. I think I may send a letter to his address, and maybe one day he will get it. Thank you for the prayers.
@Starling13: As of today, they have not made an arrest. The investigation is progressing however. It started out with a 12+hour window of his where-abouts, now they have it down to less than 3 hours. We live in a gaming state, so everywhere you go, you are on video. They have labeled this a hate crime, due to the last known location before the attack……which is very close proximity to where his body was found, also where his vehicle was found.
Thank you for telling me to Stop That!! I agree, I feel like I am imposing if I intrude. And honestly, I don’t know if I am ready to see the damage at this point. Everything I have been told leads me to believe that it is way worse than anything that I could ever imagine. And I really just prefer to see my friend as I saw him the last time we spoke.
I just don’t understand violence. I keep trying to rewind in my mind, and nothing produces the result I am seeking. It is so so sad.
Post # 6
@thumpurr: Your friend wouldn’t expect nor want you to put your life on hold for them. If anything this would show you just how shot and precious life is, don’t put off your plans. That doesn’t mean you neglect your friend in need, keep him in your thoughts, visit him when you can, and when he recovers spend time with him and be there for him when he needs.
Post # 7
@thumpurr: First of all, I’m so sorry- for you, for your friend, for his loved ones… how awful. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Remember- miracles DO happen, so keep hoping!
Second… you’re not selfish. If this person was as good a friend as you believe, he wouldn’t want you to give up your life because of him, especially when there’s nothing much you can do about his situation. Visiting him is a good idea, especially if you want closure/to say goodbye… but you should also continue on with your life with your fiance.
Post # 8
No, I don’t think it’s selfish at all. As tragic as this is, your life goes on. I think as long as you’re there when needed, carry on. If you’re religious/spiritual, continue to pray. Continue to try and contact the family when you’re able to let them know you’re available if they need anything. Outside of that, you’re well within your rights to forge onward with your life.
I’m very sorry about your friend.
Post # 9
@thumpurr: I spke with a family member today. Over the weekend he opened his eyes, and scratched his nose. But still in a coma. I appreciate all of the kind words from you ladies. I am forging on today. Planning my wedding. But holding a special place in my heart for my friend. Praying for a miracle.
Post # 10
@thumpurr: Miracles happen all the time! My grandmother had a stroke that caused a blood vessel to explod and she’s still alive. (: It was truly a miracle.