Post # 1
So out two year wedding anniversary recenlty passed and my husband did not give me anything. We had orignially planed to go on a mini vaca but we are oth busy with work so we decided to just stay near home and celebrate here. So he planed a nice dinner that was at a great location. I bought him a really nice wallete and a card, plus i got dolled up for him. I didnt get anything in return.. like nothing at all. He didnt even bother to write me a note. I tried to be positive and not seem like i didnt appreciate what he planned but i am hurt that i put so much effort into his gift and he didnt even try. Later that night he could tell i was upset so i told him that i was hurt about his not giving me anything and he said that we still had a balance on our credit card (but he spend 300 dollars on baseball tickets… something that i dont enjoy).
Am i being selfish? I know that gifts dont really mean much. its about how you treat your spouce but i just feel like he was lazy and didnt want to do anyhting. I am just upset that he didnt even other to write a note and pick up flowers from the grocery store (which could have cost less than 20 bucks!)
Post # 3
I dunno, I would consider the fact that he planned a nice dinner out as the gift.
Post # 4
I would be upset too. I just think you need to explain how you feel and make sure he understands that it isn’t about the gift but more about the thought.
Post # 5
@Christine06: I don’t think you’re being selfish. While he did plan the dinner, which was nice of him, I would have expected a card or something myself.
Post # 6
You got him a wallet, he took you to dinner. I’ve never gotten a gift for an anniversary, it’s not really a norm, like birthdays.
Post # 7
Sounds like dinner was the gift? I suspect you have different love languages. I could care less about gifts, but my husband LOOOOOOOOOVES them.
Post # 8
I think this is a good time to discuss expectations for each holiday. People have different ideas about what is considered acceptable as a celebration.
DH and I discuss each holiday how we will celebrate it based on expenses etc coming up. It may be a good idea for you to do the same. Instead of assuming/hoping. discuss it.
Its OK for you to be upset and its OK for him to have the thoughts he had. What you both need to do is ensure you are on the same page.
We just had our second anniversary. We decided we would do a nice dinner at home and not spend a lot since we are moving and pregnant then would do dinner this weekend while we are away to celebrate. This was decided 3 weeks ago so I knew exactly what we were doing. (He did end up getting me a small gift and I got him a card with a dinner of his fav foods I cooked and served on china)
Post # 9
What happened to the nice dinner that he planned and probably paid for?
Post # 10
Maybe if you’d made it clear to him that you were expecting something… sounds like dinner was your present. FI and I are kind of like this, our gifts to each other are usually experiences/time together vs physical gifts. If he knew you wanted something and didn’t think of it, I think my feelings would be hurt. But if I just expected him to do it out of the blue that might be unfair if he isn’t that kind of person. Sorry you’re feeling down about it.
Post # 11
Had you guys discussed if you would be doing presents? It sounds like you were on different pages with the expectations you each had. I think you are entitled to your hurt feelings, it sucks that you put effort into appreciating him with a gift and didn’t get that in return, but I think going forward there needs to be more of a discussion around expectations for special events. My DH and I don’t celebrate aniversaries with presents, which is fine because we have discussed it and both have the same expectation.
Post # 12
Op he planned a nice dinner date, that was your present. Why do you feel so entitled to more? If you expected more then don’t think you did enough yourself for him. Why should you get a dinner date plus a gift, but he only gets a wallet? Hardly sounds fair. You need to accept your spouse as he is, some people are not gift givers, if he is one of them accept it. Learn to buy yourself the trinkets you desire him to get you.
Post # 13
I’m going to guess dinner cost more than the wallet… I think him planning a nice night out was a wonderful gift!
Post # 14
Yes. You are being selfish.
Post # 15
@Christine06: I’d be upset, so no I don’t think you’re being selfish. My fiance and I always go out to dinner (we don’t count that as a gift from one specific person), and we always at least get eachother a card that we write a little note on the inside to make it special. He didn’t get me a card a couple years ago for Valentine’s Day, and it may sound selfish & some may think it’s just a card, but I was truly hurt because cards are very special to us. I even save every single one of them. Maybe it’s possible he has a surprise up his sleeve for later that he’s hiding? 🙂
Post # 16
@Christine06: Yes, you are being selfish. You gave him a wallet and a card and he took you to dinner. He DID give you a gift. Had he given you earrings, could he argue you that you didn’t get him enough? Don’t sweat the small stuff.