(Closed) Am i being selfish?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I dunno, I would consider the fact that he planned a nice dinner out as the gift.

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be upset too. I just think you need to explain how you feel and make sure he understands that it isn’t about the gift but more about the thought.

Post # 5
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Christine06:  I don’t think you’re being selfish. While he did plan the dinner, which was nice of him, I would have expected a card or something myself. 

Post # 6
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You got him a wallet, he took you to dinner. I’ve never gotten a gift for an anniversary, it’s not really a norm, like birthdays.

Post # 7
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sounds like dinner was the gift?  I suspect you have different love languages.  I could care less about gifts, but my husband LOOOOOOOOOVES them.

Post # 8
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this is a good time to discuss expectations for each holiday. People have different ideas about what is considered acceptable as a celebration.

 

Darling Husband and I discuss each holiday how we will celebrate it based on expenses etc coming up. It may be a good idea for you to do the same. Instead of assuming/hoping. discuss it.

 

Its OK for you to be upset and its OK for him to have the thoughts he had. What you both need to do is ensure you are on the same page.

 

We just had our second anniversary. We decided we would do a nice dinner at home and not spend a lot since we are moving and pregnant then would do dinner this weekend while we are away to celebrate.  This was decided 3 weeks ago so I knew exactly what we were doing.  (He did end up getting me a small gift and I got him a card with a dinner of his fav foods I cooked and served on china)

Post # 9
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

What happened to the nice dinner that he planned and probably paid for?

Post # 10
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe if you’d made it clear to him that you were expecting something… sounds like dinner was your present.  FI and I are kind of like this, our gifts to each other are usually experiences/time together vs physical gifts.  If he knew you wanted something and didn’t think of it, I think my feelings would be hurt.  But if I just expected him to do it out of the blue that might be unfair if he isn’t that kind of person.  Sorry you’re feeling down about it.

Post # 11
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Had you guys discussed if you would be doing presents? It sounds like you were on different pages with the expectations you each had. I think you are entitled to your hurt feelings, it sucks that you put effort into appreciating him with a gift and didn’t get that in return, but I think going forward there needs to be more of a discussion around expectations for special events. My Darling Husband and I don’t celebrate aniversaries with presents, which is fine because we have discussed it and both have the same expectation.

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bostongrl25:  This.

 

Op he planned a nice dinner date, that was your present. Why do you feel so entitled to more? If you expected more then don’t think you did enough yourself for him. Why should you get a dinner date plus a gift, but he only gets a wallet? Hardly sounds fair. You need to accept your spouse as he is, some people are not gift givers, if he is one of them accept it. Learn to buy yourself the trinkets you desire him to get you.

Post # 13
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m going to guess dinner cost more than the wallet… I think him planning a nice night out was a wonderful gift!

Post # 14
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes. You are being selfish.

Post # 15
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Christine06:  I’d be upset, so no I don’t think you’re being selfish. My fiance and I always go out to dinner (we don’t count that as a gift from one specific person), and we always at least get eachother a card that we write a little note on the inside to make it special. He didn’t get me a card a couple years ago for Valentine’s Day, and it may sound selfish & some may think it’s just a card, but I was truly hurt because cards are very special to us. I even save every single one of them. Maybe it’s possible he has a surprise up his sleeve for later that he’s hiding? 🙂

 

Post # 16
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Christine06:  Yes, you are being selfish. You gave him a wallet and a card and he took you to dinner. He DID give you a gift. Had he given you earrings, could he argue you that you didn’t get him enough? Don’t sweat the small stuff.

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