(Closed) Am i being selfish?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@Meowkers:  hahaha

our 2nd valentines, we ended up going to McDonald’s ( while I got sushi next door at trader joes) lol

Post # 33
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Scar_cats_tic:  oh man.  well you seem to be a good sport about it.  that would NOT fly in my relationship.  But as long as both people are on the same page, then I guess to each their own.  In OP’s situation however, clearly they are not on the same page so feelings have been hurt.

Post # 34
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@Meowkers:  haha, well in all honesty it was a last minute thing we didn’t think about (being our first year working in real life) Now when we look back we joke about it 🙂

The years after were better, like going for fondue or brazillian steakhouses. But gifts? Nope. Flowers, yes. In guys’ mind, they think as long as they treat you for a good meal, that’s it, lol

Post # 35
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@Christine06:  DH and I don’t really exchange gifts for our anniversary.  We go out to eat at the nice restaurant we ate at during our mini-moon after the wedding and call it good. 

Is your Darling Husband aware of your expectations?  Maybe he thinks that on top of Christmas and birthdays, adding a present to an anniversary is a bit excessive?  He may not have realized he screwed up.  Like another bee said, buying dinner could count as a present???

Post # 36
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Scar_cats_tic:  well i would disagree with that.  I think men are perfectly capable of being romantic and putting in effort.  But some men, (and women) slack off and become complacent which more often than not leads to discontent and unhappiness.  I think relationships should be based on communication and a continued commitment to try to be your best and do the very best for your partner.  So if a simple anniversary card or a small thoughtful gift is too much effort, then that’s a scary insight into the future and the more serious complacency to come.  just my opinion on the subject.

Post # 37
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Christine06:  i believe his gift to you was the lovely dinner he planned and paid for.

Post # 38
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Christine06:  I don’t know about selfish…but maybe you are missing the point a little. It’s not like he forgot about you. I dunno, if it were me I don’t think I would be all that upset.

Post # 39
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d say dinner was the gift. But fi buys me dinner all the time & vice versa so I’d still feel like it wouldn’t have killed you to pick up some flowers. I’d be a little annoyed but wouldn’t make a big fuss. It’s not like he forgot all together, he did plan a nice dinner. 

Post # 40
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yeah I would have thought the dinner was a gift as well. Me and FH don’t really celebrate our dating anniversary it was a big deal the first year because it was like “woohoo we made it” but now it’s just any other day. I don’t expect much from him except dinner because he loves to take me out to eat since I love going out to eat.

I’m sure after you talk to him about it he will make note of it for future anniversaries

Post # 41
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just wondering: If they do have joint accounts, isn’t she in a sense “paying” for her gift whether it’s a dinner or a physical gift? It all comes out of the same pot…

 

I come from a family that does “experience” type gifts over physical gifts, and I prefer it that way. My S/O pretty much agrees with me, but if he were the type to want physical gifts instead of dinner, trips, etc, I would do my best to get him thoughtful things for special occassions. I’d be annoyed if he expected me to read his mind on that though.

 

Some people consider experience gifts to be as meaningful (or more!) as physical gifts and assume other people think the same way. Thus, no physical gift is nothing personal against the giftee, it’s just a different way of looking at gifts.

Post # 42
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@worldtraveler:  I kinda wonder the same…

 

For the ladies that says he “treated” her to dinner… How exactly is this? My Darling Husband doesn’t “treat” me to dinner now that we’re married & have joint finances. He can still “gift” me by getting something that I wouldn’t get myself, but I do plan on eating daily whether he “treats” me or not…

I’m really just wondering how this dinner could be accepted as the gift.

Post # 43
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FH and I have separate finances and except for a savings account, we plan on keeping it that way. Therefore, when he takes me out to dinner, he is indeed “treating” me.

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