(Closed) Am I being selfish?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should we go or am I selfish?
    You are being selfish. She's your BF! Go no matter what. : (13 votes)
    28 %
    Stay home and get her a great gift. Your family comes first. : (29 votes)
    63 %
    Other: Explain please : (4 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    Could just YOU go (rather than both you and your hubs) to save money? And then it becomes a fun trip with your friend…Just a thought…

    I see both sides to the issue and I don’t think you’re obligated to go at all, although it would be nice if you could somehow swing it…

    If you decide it’s not financially possible, definetly talk to her face-to-face honestly about your decision, explain it is purely financial and tell her how badly you felt having to make it…

    Good luck!

    Post # 18
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I feel like, if they’re doing a Destination Wedding, they have to be realistic about the cost and what a burden that can be for people.

    I would think your bff would be understanding about it. Explain that you were going to have to pick up a job to pay for the wedding, etc and how you came to your decision.

    Else, would it be more feasible for just you to attend, not your hubby or the kids? Do you have a single girlfriend you could split a room with?

    Post # 19
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Personally I would go. When you originally accepted to be a bridesmaid, you accepted financial responsibility for being in her wedding. Now since you’re not in her wedding party, it seems like you’re using money as an excuse to get out of attending her wedding. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think you’re being selfish but I think it may come off that way unless you talk to your friend about it.  You said she’ll understand, so just talk to her and point out your changes in finances since you agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man – then send a gift and a note.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    This woman is one of your best friends and you’re considering money as a reason to not go to her wedding? Think about it from her point of view – one of her best friends doesn’t care enough to come to the biggest event of her life. Especially when she is coming to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. As someone whose friends aren’t all coming to her wedding it’s pretty disappointing to hear this kind of news. Some of my friends have infants or prior travel commitments or are genuinely poor, and I’m understanding, but it’s still very sad for me. Unless you are really poor do your friend the favor of being there to support her marriage.

    Post # 22
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I would go alone and keep the costs down.  Perhaps there is someone you can share a room with to spilt the cost? I totally get where you are coming from but I think that not going might leave a bad taste in her mouth.

    Post # 23
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would go.  GO!  If costs are an issue then go w/o your fiance or family, and ask her if she knows of any other women flying solo who would like to share a room together if you have to stay overnight.  If she originally asked you to be in her bridal party then you are obviously someone who she values having in her life (even if she had to cut the bridal party down after all).  Good friendships are not something you come by easily, and I think its important to invest in them and go the extra mile so that you have strong friends who will stand by your side no matter what when you need some support in the future 🙂  Weddings are such an important, emotional time for women….it will be remembered for many years if you don’t go!

    Post # 24
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wedding are remembered forever.  So if you feel comfortable that in fifteen years at the dinner table she might mention how you didn’t come to her wedding then don’t go but if the thought makes you squirm – I’d go.  Its one of those big deals IMO and worth stretching the finances a little.

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