(Closed) Am I being selfish?

posted 7 years ago in Military
Post # 3
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Well, you can.  But it might do a lot for your peace of mind if you come to the realization now that the military is going to get in the way a lot.  Perhaps all the time.  And its not your FI’s fault that it does.

Post # 4
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree with the PP.  My FI’s cousin (more like sister, they grew up together).  Her husband is in the military and she feels the same way you do.  He’s been deployed for 1 yr (she was raising their 1 yr old solo for that time) and I can honestly say that was the hardest thing I’ve ever seen her go through.  She’s an amazing woman (giving her dabbs) and we always did the best we could, but she had to move to NC bc that’s the main base for when he’s gone.  Bam – 1 yr. solo.

HE returns and they have to move to TX now bc that’s where he’ll be stationed.  She doesnt’ care, she’s happy he’s home!  (and so is the babes!)  He’s been home for 4 months, and come to find out, he may be getting deployed again in Sept of this year.

Military.  I know you’re just learning, but now that you realize it … its time to deal with it the best aht you can.  I don’t think its easy for him either, so remember that as well.  Good luck!

Post # 5
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@2bG: I think being honest about things that are bothering you (in a constructive way) is really important to having a healthy relationship. Otherwise, you may grow to resent your situation. But, there is a difference between constructive discussion and constant complaining, so just make sure that you don’t slide into the latter – it’s surprisingly easy!

Post # 6
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

@2bG:I think that you need to have a conversation about it because, from what i can tell a lot of your frusteration stems from the fact that you not only don’t like that neither you nor him has control over what happens, but also that he doesn’t understand that you’re learning what to and not to expect. There are a lot of things about the military that suck. That suck a lot, actually, but it’s something you need to work through now and not later when you’re frusterated and bitter. 

Post # 7
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

There are resources for military spouses.  Try MilitaryOneSource or your FI’s command ombudsman.  Most military bases offer counseling, classes, and workshops for military families having a hard time coping with the lifestyle.

Post # 8
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you already know the answer to your question. Being a military spouse is a little different than being a normal spouse- I watch my facebook friends whine about their husband’s going on an overnight trip for work and I haven’t seen mine in seven months. He’s missed birthdays, anniversarys, funerals, and so many other things.

 Does it get annoying? Yes. It annoys my husband at times too, but it’s part of the job and sometimes you have to swallow your resentment and let it slide. But I also believe a healthy relationship is one where you can talk about your frustrations. Someone said there’s a difference between constructively talking and complaining.

MightySapphire recommended some awesome resources for spouses- sometimes it just helps to vent to someone who understands what you’re going through.


Post # 9
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You can get a little annoyed, but I am going to recommend

Marine Corps for Dummies

or Army for Dummies

or Navy for Dummies

or Coast Guard for Dummies


they help a bunch.

There is a limit to how annoyed you can get.

Post # 10
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I learned quickly that the more I complained about the military lifestyle to my Darling Husband, the more of unnessary stress I added to his plate.  Like you, I had zero military experience before I met my Darling Husband.  And I got thrown into it all pretty quickly.  We started dating during his deployment (we had already known eachother about 4 years)…so, I got accustomed to things real fast.  When I was first trying to get the swing of things, it was almost like learning latin. lol  I googled….alot…Whenever my Darling Husband would mention something to me that I didn’t understand (or he did a poor job of explaining), I googled it.

My biggest frustration with the military was that our schedule, was their schedule.  Everything revolved around training, block leave, etc, etc, etc.   But, in time, I got used to it and even in a way accepted it.  Thankfully, my Darling Husband was extremely patient with me and whenever I broke down or needed a “civilian translation”, he was there to help!  Like the other bees have said, there are some excellent sources out there for military spouses, SO’s.  Definitely look into them! 🙂

Post # 11
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Check out http://www.cinchouse.com. When I got together with PenguinGuy, the book “Married to the Military” was a life saver as it explained just about everything in a way that I, completely unfamiliar with the military could understand. When the book was first published in ’03, the author/publisher/someone started a website for it, CinCHouse. Now they have articles on current events in the military, how to deal with being a military spouse, a ‘dictionary’ for common slang/acronyms, and the user forum on which women just like you and I participate in discussion on everything from how to deal wtih deployments to whining about bad hair cuts…think weddingbee for military girlfriends, fiances and spouses. That is where I do my best venting about the toll the military lifestyle has on me. I know I could vent to PenguinGuy, but as @JsDragonfly: said, it is a LOT of extra stress on his plate.

Even if you don’t check out CinChouse, remember that there are  places and people to whom you can vent your frustration, learn about what you have gotten yourself into, and find that common bond. Once you find a place like that in which you feel comfortable, you might find having an independent support source to be incredibly helpful. Best of luck and PM me if you ever need to vent. 🙂

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