(Closed) Am I being selfish??

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That sucks.  It sounds like the money is there, but the priorities aren’t.  That’s really messed up he said you could start looking but didn’t mean it.  How much is the ring you want, exactly?  If the ring is thousands of dollars, then I could see where he’s coming from.  If it’s not that expensive, then there’s nothing wrong with wanting a pretty gift that makes you feel special.  He needs to realize that you don’t see the point in spending what he does on hunting stuff and video games just as he doesn’t understand spending that on a ring.  Your needs are not less valid than his.  

 

 Sounds like at this point it isn’t as much the ring, it’s the principle of the thing.  This is something you guys need to have a serious talk about, as issues like these can grow and fester into resentment.    

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like there are a fair number of issues going on.

He’s more than willing to spend money on himself but not on you, he won’t wear his wedding band even though that bothers you, and he’s not listening to you.

I think this is about more than just the ring and you really need to work on your relationship. The arguments may be over “little” things right now, but these sorts of disagreements can fester and break apart a relationship.

Would he be willing to talk calmly with you and a neutral third party about it? Just so you can learn to effectively communicate?

Also, is he the only source of income? Or do you work too? Because if you work as well, I’d say just save up from your paychecks and buy yourself a ring you want. But that might only exacerbate the problem.

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Tif: If you are starting to feel resentment then maybe counseling is the way to go. He can’t keep ignoring your wants and fulfilling his own. He may have the only income, but that doesn’t mean that he can ignore what you want especially if you do have the money available for him to spend on his “toys”.

Post # 9
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That’s a good idea to see your pastor and go to counseling.  This is more about needs being addressed than about a ring.

Post # 10
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

oh dear im sorry to hear this.. you are not being selfish its something you deserve for having taking care of the kids and being a wife .. to think that you let him have all what ever he wants .. you are not selfish and you do deserve it. if he cant buy you buy it for your self

Post # 13
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Good luck, and good job on going to councling yourself, I know hard it can be.

No you are not being selfish, but I also don’t think you should be the one to apologise every time. Especially if you have been asking for it for a long time and he puts himself before you.  So Sorry.

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Tif: Best of luck. I hope he will go to counseling with you and you can work though your communication issues.

 

All the best to you and your family.

Post # 15
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He sounds like a selfish jerk to me. I was married to one just like him…emphasis on the WAS. I hope counseling helps but if the one who needs to hear it doesn’t go, not much that it can do. I am so sorry.

Please stop apologizing when he is in the wrong. Just because he is the one who brings in income, does not mean your feelings don’t matter or you shouldn’t get a say…it is a family and the money is the family’s. If he doesn’t see it that way then you indeed do have bigger problems.

Post # 16
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Wow…what you’re asking for doesn’t seem extravagant to me.   I wonder what he thinks his role in your marriage is.  I wonder what kinds of gifts he gives his mother or saw his father give his mother. 

I agree with @Mrs. Myrtle Beach:.  When you appologize, I think you partly taking responsibility for the problem.  I don’t think you’re the problem.  You’re raising five children and it sounds like you might be taking care of a 6th at times!

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