Post # 1
I just want to start out with a disclaimer, I am not a materialistic person, at all. However with my engagement ring I feel a pang of upset at the size. To the point I don’t show anyone, unless they ask, and the response I get is the reason I normally keep it behind my back. I like it, it’s pretty, but everytime I look at it I wish it was something people would be oohing and ahing about. But all people say is “aw” “it’s really sweet” or “I like that it has a cool design”. Like I’m sorry but as a girl, it kind of upsets me that people aren’t like “damn that’s gorgeous”. I was so upset about it, even my mother was like, “he should upgrade it”. So I asked him with a shit ton of hesitation “how much was it”, he didn’t tell me. I found it on the website…
Twas a whopping 270 dollar PROMISE RING.
Ifor the promise ring part wasn’t what set me off, the price was… am I not worth more than that? To him it’s not important. To me it is. I feel like it’s half assed… I’ve been fantasizing about my engagement and marriage since I was little and was a flower girl at my aunt’s when I was 4. It’s a pretty ring. For sure. Just too big size wise and not really what I was looking for aesthetically. I want to keep it for my wedding band… but engagement ring wise I don’t think I’m not asking for much… just maybe more than 270 dollars… and preferably an ENGAGEMENT RING, not a promise ring.
Am I being a brat? Should I just shut my mouth?
We’ve only been engaged for not even a week… feel like I should nip it in the butt.
Post # 2
Honestly he will probably be hurt if you complain. I would keep wearing it, plan to use it as a wedding band, and when time comes you can get something that looks more like an engagement ring.
Post # 3
You’re saying you want an upgrade simultaneous to saying “it’s just too big size wise.” What exactly is it that you want?
Post # 5
I think asking him how much it was may have stepped on his toes a bit. Why don’t you have a conversation with him about this? You should be happy with your ring, but make sure your happiness is based on your desires, not other people’s opinions.
Post # 6
Yes, you’re being a brat. Yes, you’re being materialistic. A man is pledging to spend his life with you and you’re upset because he didn’t spend a certain amount and now people arent giving you attention.
In the words of Cher, SNAP OUT OF IT.
Post # 7
jellyfishea: if he has a low budget and it really bothers you then try and talk to him about other options! you should love your ring
Post # 8
Put on your thick skin. You’re going to get some harsh responses.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No matter what they say about Ring Pops and shit, a majority of Bees would be a little put-off by receiving a $270 ring unless they had discussed not spending much, or unless they preferred the dainty look or a synthetic stone or whatever else that happens to fall in a lower price range. I think a nice ring that he had to save for is a really meaningful gesture that a lot of us want.
You should talk to him directly instead of airing this out to your family and friends. It will be difficult to word it in a way that doesn’t come off as hurtful or materialistic or immature, though, so plan your words carefully.
I had my engagement ring upgraded right before the wedding. We got engaged in college and he spent as much as he could on the stone and wasn’t good with settings and my style. It was a solitaire and now it is the center of a three-stone ring. I adore it. My husband knew going in that we would upgrade it eventually, though, so it wasn’t a tough topic.
Post # 9
The quality of the partnership is more important than the details of the e-ring. Maybe he had a specific reason for picking that one. I agree with PP it would be nice to see a pic!
Post # 10
Do you have any pictures of it? Does it look good at least? I am not sure how you would bring it up but I do think you should mention how you feel – in a nice way of course.
My ring was about $700 but I love it and the meaningful words he said when he proposed. The price is not everything, but you definitely need to feel comfortable in your ring.
Post # 11
It really depends on you and your SO’s personal finances. $275 is nothing to some people and everything to others.
Post # 12
As much as I want to get on a high horse and talk about the committment, I would be upset too. Unless he was working a minimum wage job and would need to have saved for a 270 dollar ring for a long time, part of the engagement ring to me is showing someone your committment to them. It means a lot to me that my fiance chose to get me a ring that I love by spending less each month on himself to make me happy. I don’t think rings should put someone in a financially difficult situation, but I think it should be something that shows a bit of sacrafice.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2016 - Little Chapel of Flowers
It really depends on your relationship. I upgraded my own ring, because the one that my fiance got me was silver and I wanted white gold. If you are unhappy with it, buy your own if you think he would be fine with it. But yeah, if I didn’t know that my fiance wouldn’t care I would have stuck with the ring he got me. I still wear the righ he got me on my right hand.
Post # 14
jellyfishea: You say you aren’t a materialistic person, yet you say your engagement ring was something you wish “people would be oohing and ahing about” which sounds pretty materialistic to me. Who cares if people say they like the design or it is a “sweet ring”.
Also, who cares about the price of the ring or what it is listed as. I’ve seen tons of promise rings that look more like an engagement ring than anything else. Also the price of the ring does not dictate how meaningful your relationship is or your self value and worth. If you’re seriously placing your self value and self worth in the price of an engagement ring, that is absolutely being materialistic.
You say that you like the ring, it isn’t quite what you were looking for aesthetically. I can see this being a problem if you had your heart set on rose gold and he gave you platinum instead, or you wanted a pear cut and he gave you a princess. Those things are different, but just being upset about the engagement ring because no one is oogling over it is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion.
You should be enjoying being engaged, not pouting because of the value and category of your ring. So I guess, yes to answer your question you are sounding a little bratty, very materialistic, and immature. Congrats on being engaged though! I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy being engaged and that you can find a way to love your ring or at least find a way to gently bring it up to your fiance without hurting his feelings.
Post # 15
I think it would be bratty to complain behind his back.
Talk with him. At length. Discuss your sense and sensibilities about e-rings in general. Then go from there.
It’s totally okay to upgrade, or add to, your marital bling. It’s not okay to hide your concerns from your groom.
Just my $0.02.
eta: By The Way, an ” option ” could be to ask to reset the center diamond (usually the most valuable part) into a new setting to your tastes and then set a new gem (maybe his birthstone?) into the current ring. Wear it as marital bling that you can switch out with your w-band at whim. I’d suspect most grooms could appreciate that compromise, if they’re sentimental about the original e-ring.