(Closed) Am I being selfish about my engagement ring?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Honestly he will probably be hurt if you complain. I would keep wearing it, plan to use it as a wedding band, and when time comes you can get something that looks more like an engagement ring. 

Post # 3
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

You’re saying you want an upgrade simultaneous to saying “it’s just too big size wise.” What exactly is it that you want?

Post # 4
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

show us a pic?

Post # 5
Member
1910 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think asking him how much it was may have stepped on his toes a bit. Why don’t you have a conversation with him about this? You should be happy with your ring, but make sure your happiness is based on your desires, not other people’s opinions.

Post # 6
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Yes, you’re being a brat. Yes, you’re being materialistic. A man is pledging to spend his life with you and you’re upset because he didn’t spend a certain amount and now people arent giving you attention.

In the words of Cher, SNAP OUT OF IT.

Post # 7
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

jellyfishea:  if he has a low budget and it really bothers you then try and talk to him about other options! you should love your ring

Post # 8
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Put on your thick skin. You’re going to get some harsh responses.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No matter what they say about Ring Pops and shit, a majority of Bees would be a little put-off by receiving a $270 ring unless they had discussed not spending much, or unless they preferred the dainty look or a synthetic stone or whatever else that happens to fall in a lower price range. I think a nice ring that he had to save for is a really meaningful gesture that a lot of us want.

You should talk to him directly instead of airing this out to your family and friends. It will be difficult to word it in a way that doesn’t come off as hurtful or materialistic or immature, though, so plan your words carefully.

I had my engagement ring upgraded right before the wedding. We got engaged in college and he spent as much as he could on the stone and wasn’t good with settings and my style. It was a solitaire and now it is the center of a three-stone ring. I adore it. My husband knew going in that we would upgrade it eventually, though, so it wasn’t a tough topic. 

Post # 9
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The quality of the partnership is more important than the details of the e-ring. Maybe he had a specific reason for picking that one. I agree with PP it would be nice to see a pic!

Post # 10
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Do you have any pictures of it? Does it look good at least? I am not sure how you would bring it up but I do think you should mention how you feel – in a nice way of course.

My ring was about $700 but I love it and the meaningful words he said when he proposed. The price is not everything, but you definitely need to feel comfortable in your ring.

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

It really depends on you and your SO’s personal finances. $275 is nothing to some people and everything to others. 

Post # 12
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

As much as I want to get on a high horse and talk about the committment, I would be upset too.  Unless he was working a minimum wage job and would need to have saved for a 270 dollar ring for a long time, part of the engagement ring to me is showing someone your committment to them.  It means a lot to me that my fiance chose to get me a ring that I love by spending less each month on himself to make me happy.  I don’t think rings should put someone in a financially difficult situation, but I think it should be something that shows a bit of sacrafice. 

Post # 13
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Little Chapel of Flowers

It really depends on your relationship.  I upgraded my own ring, because the one that my fiance got me was silver and I wanted white gold.  If you are unhappy with it, buy your own if you think he would be fine with it. But yeah, if I didn’t know that my fiance wouldn’t care I would have stuck with the ring he got me.  I still wear the righ he got me on my right hand.  

Post # 14
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

jellyfishea:  You say you aren’t a materialistic person, yet you say your engagement ring was something you wish “people would be oohing and ahing about” which sounds pretty materialistic to me. Who cares if people say they like the design or it is a “sweet ring”. 

Also, who cares about the price of the ring or what it is listed as. I’ve seen tons of promise rings that look more like an engagement ring than anything else. Also the price of the ring does not dictate how meaningful your relationship is or your self value and worth. If you’re seriously placing your self value and self worth in the price of an engagement ring, that is absolutely being materialistic. 

You say that you like the ring, it isn’t quite what you were looking for aesthetically. I can see this being a problem if you had your heart set on rose gold and he gave you platinum instead, or you wanted a pear cut and he gave you a princess. Those things are different, but just being upset about the engagement ring because no one is oogling over it is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion.

You should be enjoying being engaged, not pouting because of the value and category of your ring. So I guess, yes to answer your question you are sounding a little bratty, very materialistic, and immature. Congrats on being engaged though! I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy being engaged and that you can find a way to love your ring or at least find a way to gently bring it up to your fiance without hurting his feelings.

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  kcoast. Reason: Spelling
Post # 15
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

jellyfishea:  

I think it would be bratty to complain behind his back.

Talk with him. At length. Discuss your sense and sensibilities about e-rings in general. Then go from there.

It’s totally okay to upgrade, or add to, your marital bling. It’s not okay to hide your concerns from your groom.

Just my $0.02.

 

eta: By The Way, an ” option ” could be to ask to reset the center diamond (usually the most valuable part) into a new setting to your tastes and then set a new gem (maybe his birthstone?) into the current ring. Wear it as marital bling that you can switch out with your w-band at whim. I’d suspect most grooms could appreciate that compromise, if they’re sentimental about the original e-ring. 

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