(Closed) Am I being selfish about my engagement ring?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 17
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Everything depends on how much he could truly afford to pay.  If he makes a lot of money and has a savings then I don’t think it would be bad to communicate with him about wanting a more expensive ring.  As long as you are keeping it realistic according to how much he makes then I don’t see a problem with it.  

Post # 18
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

luckybird7:  Thanks for clarifying that! I’m already dyslexic, so wasn’t sure I was reading what I saw correctly. lol

Post # 19
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry, I understand where you’re coming from. I wouldn’t be happy either and to hell with anyone who tells you that your feelings make you materialistic. But only you know your FI’a financial situation. He may not have more money to spend. If he does, then talk to him about it and don’t worry about hurting his little feelings. Marriage is about honest communication, so start communicating. 

Post # 20
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

Will a more expensive ring communicate to you that he loves you more? Does seeing other people get impressed or envious mean that your relationship is stronger? No? Then you are being selfish and childish.  This is a ring. A circular piece of jewelry. The representation means more and too many women get materialistic and lose sight of that.  This isn’t something that you have to 1000% choose and love – this is a gift from someone indicating a contract of marriage.  Nothing more nothing less.  Suck it up buttercup.  There are more important things in your life and relationship (hopefully!) than how large or impressive or expensive your ring is.  Not knowing that to me indicates not being ready for marriage.

Post # 21
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

kcoast:  She is not sounding bratty, materialistic or immature. She is disappointed.

Post # 22
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

So, let me ask….what were your expectations style, metal, center stone, stone size/TCW, budget? Did you communicate any of this with him? If you are typically super laid back, not materialistic and don’t wear a ton of jewelry….maybe he thought what he got was your “style”? Just trying to figure his frame of reference. Where my Fiance and I are in life and career now, yeah I would probably be butthurt about a $270 ring. Back in college, I would be thrilled. 

Post # 23
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m interested in seeing a picture of this ring. I think it’s a total bummer you didn’t get something along the lines of what you would have wanted but I’m sure he still did the best he could. Does it look like a promise rign or does it look like it could be an engagement ring? If it works as both I don’t see a problem but if it really looks like a promise rign maybe bring it up to him that you keep getting comments from people that say it looks like a promise ring or people assume you’re not engaged?

Post # 24
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Honestly… while I agree with the sentiment that it shouldn’t be about the ring, but about the proposal and your relationship with eachother.. I would be disappointed too.  I don’t really have advice for how to go about bringing this up with him (hopefully other people will be able to help more).  good luck

edit: I think the using it as a wedding band is a great idea! That way it will still be special because he picked it out, but you can have a more traditional ering that you love too.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Profile Photo alo1116.
Post # 25
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My engagement ring is technically a promise ring. I’m actually the one who suggested my ring as we were about to move out of state so I could attend grad school. Sometimes, I’m a tiny bit bummed that it’s not a crazy flashy 2 ct but I know that it wouldn’t suit my life and long-term tastes. We can afford to upgrade now but but I’ve grown attached. 

 IMG_0728

No one tells me my ring is gorgeous- it’s always interesting or cute. If you’re upset that you feel your fiance isn’t taking the commitment of marriage seriously and that’s manifested in buying a lower quaility ring- sure, that’s a reason to be upset.

 

However, if he made you a promise with that ring that he meant fully and deeply, then I encourage you to either love your ring as is or talk about it. There will be plenty of issues in your marriage, you might as well get used to talking about things now.

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  kenkokk.
Post # 26
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

kenkokk:  even though your’s is a promise ring technically, I still think it looks very much like an engagement ring! I quite like it 🙂 

Post # 27
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

doberman:  I guess I interpret it differently. I understand being disappointed if he got her a ring that was absolutely different from what she had in mind. For example if she wanted a princess solitare in a rose gold setting and he got her a pear halo in a platinum setting. Those are completely different so I would be disappointed that maybe my style wasn’t taken into consideration.

She said she likes the ring and thinks it’s pretty, she’s just hurt that people aren’t complimenting her as much as she would like. To me, that sounds very materialistic. But for me, it wasn’t the price of the ring that was the most important when it came to getting engaged. I don’t care if my Fiance spent 200 or 2000 on a ring, all I would care about would be the fact that I get to spend my life with someone that I love, and if my personal style and taste was kept in mind. I don’t care if people oogle over my ring and constantly give me compliments on it. 

I would definitely agree with her to say that I would be offended by someone telling me it needed to be upgraded, just because I think that’s a rude thing for someone to say. But really, I do think she should try to be happy with the ring if literally the only thing she is upset with is the price and the category it fell under and if she loves everything else about it. 

Post # 28
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

slomotion:  +1

I’m sorry to say that, yes, you are coming across as being a little bratty and very materialistic. If your ring is not to your personal style in an absolute deal breaker kind of way, I guess can understand wanting to pick something different at some point. However, the concern here seems to be mainly that it is too small to impress other people.

Is that really how you want to start your engagement, when this is theoretically both a gift and a symbol of his desire to marry you? I’m sorry you are disappointed, but I think it would be a good idea to try to establish some perspective here. Is impressing other people what you were looking forward to most about getting engaged? If not, and if you were most looking forward to marrying someone you love and starting a new life together, that could be good to remember.

Post # 29
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

jellyfishea:  I second the request for a photo.

dont think you’re being a brat. This is something you wear every day. You should like it. And this is coming from someone whose engagement ring was only $43!!!!!!*

Even with the tiniest of budgets, there are plenty of options out there. I picked out my own ring because I worked very hard to find something that I loved (that was the size I wanted) and that wasn’t going to cost us an arm and a leg while we were still in school.

That being said, I would approach the situation gracefully but without beating around the bush. Communication is key. 

*Disclaimer: I am having it reset in 14K white gold (currently sterling silver) so it will end up costing a little more than that when it’s all said and done, but that was the original price. 

Post # 30
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

In the end you have to do what makes you happy. The ring is just a symbol of the commitment, but the value of the ring has nothing to do with the value of the commitment.

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