(Closed) Am I being selfish about my engagement ring?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Is it proportional to his financial situation ? Then id just be proud of it and squash my complaints. If he spent more on his last man toy I’d be hurt and likely say something. It should be a purchase that’s thought out with quality in mind, but to some people 270 is a lot so I can’t say how to feel. 

Post # 32
29 posts
  • Wedding: August 2016


kelmpm7809:  Thank you! It’s white gold and diamonds, so it does have that “bridal” feel. I like it because it’s low profile and doesn’t shred gloves.

Post # 33
237 posts
Helper bee

I would be dissapointed too if he had the means to get you a nicer ring but didnt. 

Post # 34
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

We are all materialistic about some things.  I spend very little on my clothes at this stage in life, but like to buy nice furntiture.  We all have our thing.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.  If he can afford more, and you don’t like what you have, say something.  There are going to be so many more important things to work through in marriage, you need to be able to have a conversation about this kind of stuff.  Will it hurt his feelings?  Maybe. But I doubt it willbe the last time.  This is part of marriage… talking and feelings and working it out together, in a way that both of you feel good about it.

Post # 35
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I understand being upset if you don’t love it, but being upset that other people aren’t complimenting it the way you want them to DOES sound materialistic.

A picture of the ring would help, however I don’t think that it ‘only’ being $270 is a problem. Some guys really don’t understand what rings cost and think that is the ‘done’ amount.

Post # 36
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Chase Court

OP, I’m sorry people are attacking you on here. For the record, I love my fiance but I don’t like my engagement ring either. My fiance kind of cheaped out and I have a huge inclusion in the middle of it. This literally has bothered me every single day for the past 6 months. When I brought it up on the boards here, I got a lot of similiar negative feedback. I should be SO GRATEFUL he loves me and proposed, that I’m superficial, etc. that I’m embarassed to show it to people. I’m sorry you are getting some mean responses. I don’t have great advice other than to say I can completely relate to how you feel.

Post # 37
480 posts
Helper bee

jellyfishea:  Well, rather than calling you “selfish” or “bratty” I’m going to say that you may have been misguided. A popular diamond cartel has unfortunately had a huge influence on social conditioning, and the most successful slogan of the century would have you believe that the size of an engagement ring is a sign of ones worth. This, fortunately, is not reality. The $270 ring has absolutely nothing to do with your worth as a person, dear. That said, you might consider looking into the many alternatives that exist today. There are plenty of pretties to be found. But don’t bottle what you’re feeling. I think it’s time you had a talk with your fiance and try to work out a fair compromise. I feel he was doing the best he could and with the best intentions in mind. Tread carefully.

Post # 38
36 posts
  • Wedding: December 2016

Did you dislike the ring before you found out how much it was worth and before you showed it to others? If so, this is rooted more in dissapointment (albeit materialistic dissapointment) than being bratty. If not, then I’m afraid your priorities may be a little backwards.

As someone else mentioned, we all have things we are materialistic about. Mine is cars. I couldn’t care less about the brand of bag, shoes, or clothes I wear, but when it comes to the car I drive, I can be very particular. If the ring you wear on your left hand is your materialistic vice, so be it. But you have to put your big girl panties on and suck it up. There are options as others mentioned (upgrading, wedding band, etc). But you have to realize that engagement rings, like cars, nice furniture, nice clothes, expensive bags…means absolutely nothing in comparison to your relationship.

Post # 39
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Well it could very much hurt his feelings if you complain about the ring. Why do you care if someone likes your engagement ring? You’re not getting engagement to get a reaction out of people…Yeah $270 may not be a whole lot of money but that may be all he can afford. You can always upgrade your ring, or like another poster stated…use the ring as a wedding band. If you want a super nice ring…maybe you can help contribute to the cost of the one you really want.

Post # 40
209 posts
Helper bee

It really depends if your ring was all he could afford. It’s not wrong to feel disappointed and it doesn’t make you materialistic.  It’s something you’ll be wearing forever so you obviously want to love it and show it off.  That said, if that’s all he could afford, I would be proud to wear it with hopes of upgrading when finances are better.  If you like it, don’t worry yourself about the reaction of others.

Post # 41
470 posts
Helper bee

It’s hard. My fiance doesn’t believe in engagement rings, or at least the need to spend thousands of dollars in order to get married. It worked out that my mom gifted him an old stone, and he was able to find a setting that was in his budget, and the ring is exactly what I wanted. That being said, befoe we got engaged there was a lot of conversations about the meaning of the engagement, and that he disliked the fact that he couldn’t propose even though he wanted to — he couldn’t afford the ring I wanted. It resulted in my acknowledging that I was choosing to delay getting engaged, because I wanted a nicer ring. It was my choice. To him, engagement meant pledging his love, and there shouldn’t be a token, but he realized there were social conventions which led me to expect one. I accepted that.

Getting engaged involves two people — he is asking you to marry him, and he is giving you a ring. There’s a lot of pressure on his part. Even if you know he could afford to spend more, he might not want to spend more, and honestly, I think that’s in his right to do it. Even if he’s a millionare, and thinks that $500 is what he feels comfortable spending.

If I had wanted some giant ring and my fiance couldn’t/didnt want to spend that much, I’d be pitching in the money. I get that you’re dissapointed; I love jewelry, and I definitely delayed my engagement to get what I wanted. But I also accepted his beliefs and feelings on the subject. It doesn’t mean he loves you less (love does NOT equal ring value), but it does mean that he has a mind and a valid opinion of his own.

Post # 42
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

OP, you are not being a brat. It is normal to feel the way you do. Did you have a discussion about engagement ring before he proposed? Did he know what you wants/like ? I think it is important to let the guy know what style you like. 

If budget is not the issue here, I would let him know what I think. A lot of guys look at engagement ring very differently from us ladies.

Post # 43
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I understand that you’re upset, but try to see it from his perspective. Boys aren’t really raised to fantasise about their engagement and wedding the way girls are. For the most part, I don’t think they attach as much sentiment to the ring as women do. And since they are not the ones wearing it, they don’t see how some people judge and compare the size.

To him, the ring is probably just a thing to show that you are getting married. I guarantee he wasn’t thinking ‘oh I’ll get a cheap ring because she isn’t worth more than that’! He isn’t connecting your self-worth to the ring, maybe he was just pleased that he’d found something pretty that didn’t break the bank. Maybe he doesn’t even know how much engagement rings ‘usually’ cost. I repeat: he isn’t connecting your self-worth to the ring, and would probably be stunned and confused to find out that you do!

If you really can’t make your peace with the ring, there’s probably no way to go broaching the subject of an upgrade without hurting his feelings at least a little. You know him best, so that’ll have to be your call. If you do, I think keeping the ring for your wedding band is a really good idea as it shows that you are not rejecting his choice completely (in fact you could point out that the wedding band is really the most important one!)

Post # 44
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

There’s a big difference between an engagment ring and a promise ring…. I think there was no compromise here and that’s why she’s upset… Why can’t anyone see that? 

Post # 45
2507 posts
Sugar bee

It’s interesting that after 3 pages of responses, OP has never replied, and there’s no pic of this ring. And a username with no other posts. I’m calling troll on this sTory. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  ilovesophia.

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