(Closed) Am I being selfish for being hurt over not getting a present?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think men in general don’t get caught up in this sort of thing, so you really need to communicate that this is important to you and a way to show that he loves you and cares. Even if it’s not a big deal to him, the fact it’s a big deal to you should mean something to him. But he is NOT a mind-reader and dropping hints never does any good. I would explain to him that it’s important to you to make an effort to put something together – anything – for occasions like this, and make a point that a card and flowers is perfect.

But yeah, if it happens again, you might need to get over it, especially if you love your guy and everything else is perfect. They make COMMERCIALS about guys who forget about anniversaries. 😉 There is a reason for that. Women always put more time and energy into “the little things.” It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that he’s not wired to think that way. I would just *calmly* talk to him about it and then let it go until next time.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Usually on our anniversaries Fiance takes me out to a nice dinner (or cooks me a nice dinner at home).

It took my 5 years to also get him to bring me a card and/or flowers.

He always asks me where I want to eat.

He just wants to make sure that I really like where  he’s taking me and what he’s doing.

You didn’t get “nothing”, you got a nice date as an anniversary present.

Post # 5
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I think you might be a little sensitive about this. You got him a couple of great gifts, and even though the day is important, he may be trying to save up something special for an even bigger anniversary like your relationship anniversary, wedding anniversary, etc. Has he done the same thing on your birthday?

Post # 6
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

 Yes mine does.

But… I wrote him a heartfelt letter about why little things he does mean SO much to me and that I know it’s not his first instinct to plan stuff and surprise me, but if maybe heading into our future, he could put some more effort into it that it is something that  really makes me happy.

He listened and the first occasion after that talk was VD.

Well, his efforts were amazing.  Right down to rose petals and new lingerie and he surprised me with a boudoir shoot 🙂

ETA: His actions have not stopped.  He doesn’t write our names in the sky, but he def works a little harder to catch me off guard with stuff

Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, Fiance doesn’t usually spend hours crafting something sentimental. I guess it’s not in his DNA. Lol. In his defense though he has figured out that he can’t go wrong with jewelery. That said, he usually takes me out for an outrageously nice dinner (which has to be one of my favorite things in the world to do) and takes care of everything for the night. Sure it’s the same thing every time, but he knows I love it and it means we go do something fun and intimate together rather than just collecting more “stuff”. To me, getting dressed up, spending 3 hours eating great food, drinking great wine and jchatting with the man I love is a great gift in itself.

 

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@2bMrsG: I’m confused.  You said you like to celebrate your anniversaries, but you also mentioned that this was the anniversary of your first date.  I’m going to assume that your mean it’s your actual anniversary of when you started dating that you wanted to celebrate, but that leaves me puzzled as to what other annivarsaries you have to celebrate then…  Are you celebrating month anniversaries?  If so, I imagine it may just be that he’s fatigued from constantly celebrating.  Guys are simple creatures and once a year is hard enough for them without complicating matters by adding in extra celebratory days.

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think you’re being selfish, clearly sentimental gift giving is important to you (and I believe it is one of the “love languages”). But it probably isn’t the way your guy shows affection. You need to let him know it is important to you and it would mean a lot to you if he put in some extra effort in this area. Don’t be too hurt though – it clearly wasn’t his intent and he probably thought of the night out as your gift.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He’s being very honest with you this is how it’s going to be, this is his norm this is his comfort level in the gift giving aspect. I think you need to make it clear your expectations about what you would have wanted material wise or not that would have made you head over heels happy. Because right now he thinks what he did do was enough.

Post # 14
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It seems like you have VERY high expectations, which is not a bad thing. It just seems like there is more room for him to screw up then live up. I LOVE my hubby but he is not a huge “lets put 3 months of effort into a gift” kinda guy and I’ve learned to live with that. I doubt he’s going to instantly turn into an awesome gift-giver so I think you need to lower your expectations al little so you dont end up disappointed.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wouldnt get worked up about it. Its different if he totally forgot and did nothing at all. But he did take  you out to dinner. I do understand that it doesnt feel the same as having an actual physical gift that you can hold in your hand, but guys can be like that especially while you are in the midst of wedding planning.

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